Making girlfriends

[Sentohottie]

Alright, this might sound kind of silly, but I don't know how to make friends with girls. I have always made friends with guys, and the work environment is mostly guys. Before I was married, I would go hang out with guys, and go to guy activities being the only girl. I would play sports with the guys as well. Any other girls that came along were like total wimps!!! Scared of the ball, or acting all gossipy, and "my nail broke."

 

Well, I like looking good, and not breaking nails and all, but for the most part, I just want to take it easy and have a good time. The only girlfriends I had left from High School have basically ditched me. So now, I have my husband, and my husbands friends, but sometimes, I just want to get out and do a girl thing.....but I have no girls to do it with. (Of course there's my little sis...but she is a little young to do what I want to do sometimes)

 

Now that I'm married, any friends I have made at work are guys, and I keep them at a distance. I don't want to get my husband thinking that I'm cheating or even put myself in any such situation. But how do I meet other girls then? Any suggestions at all?

 

I swear there is something wrong with me!!

[Apoc220]

You could try going to the gym and seeing if you could meet any lady friends there. You seem like you dont get along well with wimpy chicks so a gym would be an ok place for you to go and find a girl friend that you could do girl stuff with. Does your job have employee get togethers? You could try and make friends with the wives of your co-workers. But I think that for the most part a little compromise on your part wouldn't hurt. Best of luck!

[David Butler pseudonym]

I am 32, single, unnatched, have made 8 friends in 24 years and am a British South Asian (originate from India), and I have never had or made friends with women around my age or younger.

 

Where I live in England, most women wouldn't give me a look in, ignored (possibly racially), ostracised, and are frightened of me. I am only 5ft 5" tall, average build and got a handsome face and I look younger than my age. I look 18. I only have 2 female friends at work who are 47 (married) and almost 50 years of age (divorced since 1986).

 

In general, any black or white woman between 18 and 35 would describe me as a vile and repulsive PAKI and would prefer to be friends with men who are taller and stronger than me. Possibly someone who is an adonis, more than 5ft 8, got a big bank ballance, drives a flash car, independent, charm women easily and has a high paid job.

 

The same can also be said about Indian girls too.

 

Is there something seriously wrong with me? Am I ugly and repulsive? Should I seek surgery to improve my physical looks to get a woman?

 

I have lost friends who now are in relationships as well. Their partners don't even like me for no reason (COLOUR & ETHNICITY BARRIERS). In retaliation, I have gone down to their level. For reasons I can't explain, I have become a figure of hate.

 

Yours sadly

David Butler

 

P.S. I should be on Jerry Springer. Get him over to England.

[Emmylu]

Let's face it - you don't like other girls. You're more comfortable being with guys. Actually, I also hang out with guys only, and I just don't even try to find girlfriends. I think you want girlfriends because you want a social life away from your husband, and you want girls to hang out with, even though you don't even like them. Guess what: girls know when you think they're "total wimps", even if you didn't say anything to them.

[Celadon]

Hey, Sentohottie -- you have all guy friends, I have all girlfriends. Let's trade up! LOL. Seriously, if you have any tips for getting along with the guys, lemme know. I'm all ears.

 

As for women, not all girlfriends are the same, so don't give up if you don't like the ones you meet. There are ditzy gossipy ones, smart ones, empathetic ones, you get the picture. It's just like with a guy - ya wanna find the ones that gel with you, make you laugh, care about you.

 

Where to meet more women? I've developed great friendships in classes (community college or recreational centers). Other people meet through neighborhood associations, church groups, hiking clubs, etc.

 

I think there are different skills you use to develop women friends vs. men friends. With women, the bond forms more through understanding each other, less from joking around, more from helping and asking for help. Be patient and see what unfolds. Good luck!

[pchellak]

David Butler,

First of all i would like to welcome you to this forum. Making friends with men or women shouldn't be difficult. I think no one is ugly enough not to make friends at all. I am from the US and i have friends of different races and ethnicities. I have realized after many years that if you take out superficial things from a person, a person of any origin or race is the same basic creature, Human Being . But, it is our basic nature to be friendly with people of similar interests(ethnicity might play a role there). I do think an attitude change would help you. With the attitude that 'everybody is racist', you will not have much luck making friends. Here are a couple of suggestions from me,

 

1.) If you are religious you can be active in the church. Generally religious people are not racist. This is where i made some of my real good friends.

2.) You can join a recreation club or a Gym thereby meeting people of similar interests.

=3.) you can join some class like dancing or sports.

[Sentohottie]

You guys are all great!! But I need more feedback...if that is ok with everyone.

 

I live next to a city that is VERY rich. I do work out at a gym every morning, but most of the women are snobby, and when I try saying "HI" or striking up a conversation, they snub me off. Yes, my work has other functions, but its not very often, and like I mentioned before, there are mostly guys.

 

K8tie Kool, I would love to trade up. Making friends with guys is actually SUPER easy as long as they are not "horn-dogs". For the most part, they are easy going, and you don't have to worry about them gossiping behind yoru back (for the most part). Just start chatting with some, just friendly chatter...(don't look for any sort of relationship). To be honest, its easier to be silly and make mistakes around guys because they won't care as much as soon as they get to know you just a little.

 

Where are some other pleces I can meet other chicks? I"m thinking a club, but that might not be the best idea because girls don't go to clubs looking for girls, unless they are lesbians, and I'm not one of those.

 

More advice...please!!!

[Celadon]

Hi Sentohottie -- Thanks for the tips! (Hey, I thought *you* were the one who was supposed to get the advice here.

 

I'll relax more around guys, since you say they aren't picky about social mistakes or stuff. Sounds like they just want to make sure you're friendly, which is cool with me.

 

Just thought of another way to meet women -- through your guy friends. They must have friends, sisters, cousins in the area. Get a group together for something fun and ask the guys to bring a woman who isn't their date. (If she's a date, she may be less open to you and more interested in him.)

 

Or, if you really want to just "pick someone up" you could try a pool hall or coffee shop. Harder that way, though. How about a book-discussion group?

 

I'd pass on the snobs, though. Who needs 'em?

[Sentohottie]

Good points I hope they work. Let me know if anything else pops into your head.