I did everything right, except for one thing

[sns256]

Hey everyone! Long time no see. Since the last time that I visited ENA I have made huge progress getting over my shyness with girls. Interacting with them as much as I can so that I can get comfortable. I am well on my way to getting my first girlfriend.

 

Anyway a story unfolded last night when I was out with my friends at a bar that I need some help on how to progress. (Sorry this is long but it will help you understand the situation).

 

My friend Alison brought her friend Laura to hang out with us. My "friend" Kevin has been hitting on Laura for the last 2 Friday nights. (He is not my friend. I hate him actually, but he is friends of my friends). He is trying to sleep with her, and was coming on to her very strongly. Which I don't think she liked. He figures he is a PUA and is god's gift to women.

 

Now here is where the story gets interesting. When I walked into the bar to sit down at the table with them, Laura looked at me and smiled. She moved over her chair so that I could sit beside her. Kevin had his hands all over her but when she got him off her, or he would leave her alone she started talking to me. We were talking about the music that the live band was playing and how she liked the quieter places instead of the clubs. We talked about music for quite a while.

 

My other really drunk friend Scott was creeping her out asking her to dance. She wasn't having any of it, saying that she doesn't know how to dance to me. I was laughing allot and she jokingly told me to go dance with Scott *touching my arm*. I told her I didn't know how to dance either, and she said that she doesn't drink just to get in the mood for dancing. I mentioned that we have a lot in common, and she said the same thing.

 

This is all happening while Kevin was either distracted or away. We talked for a little while, joking and getting to know each other. I touched her arm a couple of times. (I was trying my best to flirt back). Then she asked me "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Dallas Green? He is really hot." I didn't know who that was, but we were talking about the slower more causal songs that we both like, so I figured that he was that type of signer (I looked him up, He is one hell of a signer, and I look very similar to him too). I told her no one has ever told me that , but thanked her very much. She mentioned that she likes to go down to the forks to sit and listen to that type of music. I told her that I really like that kind of music but we (as in my friends) don't get down there that much. I told her that we should definitely go out and watch some. She said sure, that sounds like fun!

 

It was really sweet and I am nearly 100% sure that she liked me ALOT. By the way that it was going I could tell that there was a connection between us. All the while I was protecting her from my creepy friends, except Kevin (he was the one she came to see initially).

 

At this point Kevin was really groping her, and asked her to the bar alone for some shots. She reluctantly went with him. We all gave them their space. After about 5 minutes we were about to leave I went over to where they were and they were making out a bit, so I gave them a couple of minutes and told them that we were about to go.

 

I had too many people in the truck so her and Kevin went into the trunk (uncomfortably). When Laura was getting in she asked me if it was my truck, and I said yes I have had it for 7 years now, it is mine. She said that is cool and it is really nice, smiling. I smiled and thanked her. I remembered that last week she was driving a truck and I complimented her on hers too.

 

Thankfully she didn't live very far away and we got back to her house quickly. When I got the tailgate down she was struggling to work her way out, and it was a long drop. So I offered my hand out to her to help her out. She said thank you and graciously accepted my helping hand. She was really flattered.

 

Once I got her down she thanked me very much for the ride while stroking my arm/ shoulder. I said your very welcome. I asked her if I will see her tomorrow. She said probably not because she doesn't like going out to the club (tonight's plans). I said that I am not much of a fan myself. She started to walk up the driveway. She didn't even say good bye to Kevin.

 

*Now here is the ONLY part I screwed up*It felt very awkward to ask for her number right there. Because the guy that she was originally out to see was only a few feet away and probably would have heard. I wasn't thinking and left my window down in the truck so everyone could hear what we were talking about. In hindsight I should have asked for it anyway. I told her that I would talk to her later and have a good night. She said thanks and walked off. Now that I think of it I should have walked her to her front door to get some privacy to ask for her number.

 

Anyway I left it wide open and it is completely doable to still get her number and a date. I have found her on facebook. But I don't want to add her right this second because that would look creepy.

 

I thought about asking my/her friend Alison to either give me her number/ e-mail. Or give her my number. But I don't think they would do it because they didn't have a clue what was going on last night. They were the ones that "set up" Kevin and Laura, and think that she and him are going great.

 

So my options are:

1) Wait to see her again (who knows when that would be)

-I think that would be a very bad idea, because Kevin is still going to actively pursue her aggressively. On the way home all he could talk about is having sex with her. I don't think she would be in for that though, but strange things happen. So time is important.

 

2) Option number 2 is trying to contact her on facebook.

 

3) Option number 3 is the last resort is to ask Alison for help.

 

She was very into me. And I was actually able to reciprocate (A first for me). I only screwed up on getting the number at the end. But it was extremely awkward because of Kevin. I have a good excuse that I could tell her why I didn't get her number last night.

 

I HAVE to do something about this ASAP. Does anyone have any advice on how to get her number? I think I handled myself almost perfectly up to not getting her phone number.

 

Even before we went into the bar she was hanging out with me, and let Kevin go ahead. I was waiting for some drunk friends and she waited for me, talking to me. I would also add that she was completely sober the entire time.

 

This is probably going to come up, but I could care less about Kevin. He is an a-hole and I don't care if he likes her. If she likes me more than him, so be it. I am WAY bigger than him. He isn't going to be able to hurt me with anything short of a gun. The only problem would be that he gets mad and tries to sabotage me. He knows that I am a virgin. He knows that I have never had a gf before. So he could try to say that to her to get her to not like me. Although I am not sure if she would care anyway.

 

Ideally I would have asked her out then and there, but it situation just seemed so weird, and awkward. If she hadn't come out to see Kevin, and just hang out with us I would have definitely had no problems asking her out. Arg. I could have made this so much easier on myself just to ask her last night.

 

Kevin only sees her on the weekend (Last Friday, and this Friday), and that is because Alison sets it up for him. He hasn't done much work other than groping her and creeping her out. I really don't think she liked him that much. Why would she be flirting/ hitting on me for a couple of hours in front of Kevin if she liked him?

 

Sorry for the really long post/ story, but I thought it was necessary to explain the situation. So how do you guys think I should go about contacting her and asking her out?

[Daligal83]

I honestly think adding her on facebook is OK. Wait till tomorrow and add her. I don't think it'll be creepy. That'll open up the door to communication just between the two of you and not involving anyone else, which I think is best. But make sure that if she confirms your request, you get her number quickly and don't keep it to online communication.

 

The only thing about your story that bothers me is the fact that she made out with Kevin. If he was really creeping her out so much, why would she go make out with him? Either she's not as creeped out by him as you think, or it shows kind of a weakness in her character.

[sns256]

The only thing about your story that bothers me is the fact that she made out with Kevin. If he was really creeping her out so much, why would she go make out with him? Either she's not as creeped out by him as you think, or it shows kind of a weakness in her character.

 

Thanks for the reply. Maybe she wasn't as creeped out as much as I thought. Or maybe she falls to pressure really quickly. Kevin lays it on heavily like one of those "how to kiss a girl in under 10 minutes videos." He knows his way around women. For some reason she decided to flirt and talk with me instead. I guess that is something to look out for when I talk to her again. Thanks.

 

I will message her tomorrow. I agree that I should keep communication offline as soon as I can. I had no problem carrying on a conversation/flirting with her, which is a big step for me. I want to keep improving in real life.

[thejigsup]

I would say she is definitely interested in you. You sound like a great guy. Why don't you contact her on Facebook? I think she would love to hear from you. From what you have said about her, she seems like the type of girl who would like you for you and wouldn't care what kind of experience, or lack thereof, you have had.

[Zeitgeist]

Overthinking it. Drop her a note to say hi and ask her "would you be interested in getting a drink with me sometime?". It's simple, to the point, and works better than any "PUA" line. What's the absolute worst she could think if you did this? "He likes me!"

[Ms Darcy]

I honestly think adding her on facebook is OK. Wait till tomorrow and add her. I don't think it'll be creepy. That'll open up the door to communication just between the two of you and not involving anyone else, which I think is best. But make sure that if she confirms your request, you get her number quickly and don't keep it to online communication.

 

The only thing about your story that bothers me is the fact that she made out with Kevin. If he was really creeping her out so much, why would she go make out with him? Either she's not as creeped out by him as you think, or it shows kind of a weakness in her character.

 

This bothered me too. Tread with cautious optimism. I think she might like you, just think she might like Kevin as well.

[servedcold]

Friend her on FB and ask her out soon, if she goes, and things go well, keep pursuit. If not, bag it and move on to other options. Don't worry about creeping her out on FB, this girl is doing shots and making out with some cheesebag right in front of you, she should be worried about creeping YOU out.

 

Here's the tough love, she isn't that attracted to you, based on your writing style, you have her on a pedestal. You are spinning and rationalizing a bit, no big deal, we all do it. A woman with the proper level of interest in you would never ever make out with another man in front of you unless she is a nutcase, either way, not good.

 

The situation is not dire, though, don't hassle too much, just ask her for her number via FB, it may even be on her profile. Then ask her out and work on building her attraction to you through a healthy display of sexual interest in her. Flirt with her mercilessly, get her laughing, get her alone, and press the envelope physically. She will let you know when to stop, if ever. Despite your feelings about Kevin, there is a big lesson here. Never listen to what comes out of their mouths, compliments, etc. watch what they DO. There's a pretty good chance she is going to sleep with Kevin soon, you don't have much time.

 

Do you really want a girl, though, who is set up with one guy, then flirts with you all night, and finally does shots and makes out in the bar with the erstwhile PUA right in front of all of you? other than for a quick bang? The chances of this woman making you a good GF are slim and none. Best wishes.

[Knotty]

You should have gotten her number right when she said she would enjoy going to the forks with you. That's just advice for the next time that situation comes up.

 

I agree with others about the making out with Kevin stuff. I think some girls don't know that they can say no in that situation. Maybe she felt like since she came there to be with Kevin it would be rude to not let him kiss her or it would have made things more awkward if she refused. Whatever the case, that would have been a total turn off to me even if it seemed like she liked me earlier.

 

But at least now you know that if you do end up going out with her that you shouldn't be shy about moving in for a kiss.

[sns256]

Thanks guys for reading my story and taking the time to reply.

 

I will address some of your comments when I get home from work. Most of them I agree with.

 

I added her last night on Facebook. It took her 15 minutes to add me, so I must have gotten her at the right time.

 

I just sent her a message. I will let you know.

[Diggidyd]

Facebook seems acceptable these days, wait a day or two though, don't be overly eager that's unattractive.

 

Then u can msg her and jus casually say hey remember that band, I was thinking this friday maybe we can go watch it, or something similar of that sort

 

If not, explain what happened between u 2 to her girlfriend and jus tell her to ask ur girl that u were wondeing if u could get her number, that's fine too

 

But when u do talk to her and before u get ur hopes too high, ask her hjow she feels about kevin and why the hell she makin out with him if she aint into him. Don't ask straight up though, jus bring it up casually and subtly

[sns256]

Hey guys, I really appreciate the time you guys spent to help me out.

 

I would say she is definitely interested in you. You sound like a great guy. Why don't you contact her on Facebook? I think she would love to hear from you. From what you have said about her, she seems like the type of girl who would like you for you and wouldn't care what kind of experience, or lack thereof, you have had.

 

I did just that. Thanks for the suggestion. It really is the only speedy option because it could be a while before I see her again.

 

Overthinking it. Drop her a note to say hi and ask her "would you be interested in getting a drink with me sometime?". It's simple, to the point, and works better than any "PUA" line. What's the absolute worst she could think if you did this? "He likes me!"

 

I tend to overthink things that I don't know much about. Relationships, and everything related I don't have much a clue about. So I try to play scenarios out in my head a lot. Which is also shyness breaking through. I did message her. We will see how it goes. I was on the fence about messaging her (my shyness was kicking in) until I read what is the worst thing that could come of a simple message. It was much simpler to send it. Thanks.

 

This bothered me too. Tread with cautious optimism. I think she might like you, just think she might like Kevin as well.

 

Thanks for the advice. I agree that I should be cautious about this. After a couple of days thinking about it I was about to think about it much more rationally. I guess I just got really excited because I rarely get female attention. When I get some it, I tend to overreact and over think things. Something that I have been working on, and getting better at.

 

Friend her on FB and ask her out soon, if she goes, and things go well, keep pursuit. If not, bag it and move on to other options. Don't worry about creeping her out on FB, this girl is doing shots and making out with some cheesebag right in front of you, she should be worried about creeping YOU out.

 

I agree with you there. She wasn't making out in front of me, but I know semantics. lol I messaged her we will see how this unfolds.

 

Other options are few and far between for myself thus far. I have been working very hard for several months so that my options expand. I guess Friday shows that my work is starting to pay off hopefully.

 

From my observations over the last 5-6 years, since I started making an effort to socialize, average guys get quite a bit of attention from women. The amount of opportunities my friends give up on a weekly basis is astonishing. The attention they get in a week is far more than I have had my entire life. At least I have some benchmark to work towards.

 

Here's the tough love, she isn't that attracted to you, based on your writing style, you have her on a pedestal. You are spinning and rationalizing a bit, no big deal, we all do it. A woman with the proper level of interest in you would never ever make out with another man in front of you unless she is a nutcase, either way, not good.

 

Thanks, I suspected that.

 

I really try to watch out for the pedestal thing. I don't mean to do it. I think my excitement probably got the better of me and it leaked into my writing. I guess it is expected of me a little bit. This girl would be the 3rd girl in my lifetime that has shown me any interest, or reciprocated interest. A girl every 4-5 years seems to briefly show me interest. This time I was able to control my shyness and not freeze up. Which is a big step for me, and a testament on how far I have come.

 

So I get a little bit excited when I do get a small glimpse of what it is like to have a girl attracted to you. I realize this sounds stupid to most people. But it just doesn't happen very often for me. I don't know what it feels like. So I get a little more excited than the average person. I'll try to keep it in check in the future.

 

The situation is not dire, though, don't hassle too much, just ask her for her number via FB, it may even be on her profile. Then ask her out and work on building her attraction to you through a healthy display of sexual interest in her. Flirt with her mercilessly, get her laughing, get her alone, and press the envelope physically. She will let you know when to stop, if ever. Despite your feelings about Kevin, there is a big lesson here. Never listen to what comes out of their mouths, compliments, etc. watch what they DO. There's a pretty good chance she is going to sleep with Kevin soon, you don't have much time.

 

Well lol that would be a very big step for me to do. But there is nothing stopping me from trying though. I haven't gotten anywhere close to getting my first kiss yet. Pressing the envelope physically would be tough for me.

 

Do you really want a girl, though, who is set up with one guy, then flirts with you all night, and finally does shots and makes out in the bar with the erstwhile PUA right in front of all of you? other than for a quick bang? The chances of this woman making you a good GF are slim and none. Best wishes.

 

Thanks for putting it in to perspective. I agree with you there. The perfect example of how well the Socratic method of teaching works.

 

You should have gotten her number right when she said she would enjoy going to the forks with you. That's just advice for the next time that situation comes up.

 

That is a very good observation. I never thought about it then. It never occurred to me. That would have been a great time to get it. Next time, whenever that will be. Thanks buddy.

 

But when u do talk to her and before u get ur hopes too high, ask her hjow she feels about kevin and why the hell she makin out with him if she aint into him. Don't ask straight up though, jus bring it up casually and subtly

 

Thanks I was wondering whether or not I should bring it up or question about it. The reality check everyone here has helped me bring my hopes in check.

 

If this one doesn't work out, so be it. I am working very hard so that it isn't another 4-5 years before another girl will flirt with me.

 

Cheers all! I have made so much progress since I first joined this site it is incredible. My friends and co-workers have started to notice, and I get complimented quite often now. Which makes me feel great.

 

I will create more opportunities for myself soon enough. I'll get that kiss, and girlfriend one day. I would have never imagined how long this would take and how difficult this would be when I first started trying to improve myself. I hope the rewards are worth it. I figure I am of a 14-15 year old level for this stuff. So I might have a couple more years before I find my first. But I'll soldier on.

 

I'll talk to you guys soon, and update on how this situation turns out. Thanks again. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the help.

[Diggidyd]

I'll talk to you guys soon, and update on how this situation turns out. Thanks again. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the help.

 

good luck - let us know how it goes!