stephla Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 bf of nearly 3 years shares details of our sex life to a female friend he met online. she does the same to him. they shared pictures of theirselves with their partners, her with her bf, and my bf with me. he did it without asking me. i understand to post on forum or to share something with long known friends. but to do it privately to a complete stranger online for nearly 2 years?! i knew he was talking to some girl but i didn't care since he said it was friendly. now they arranged to meet and invited me too. that's when he confessed what they were talking about. i know he's not a swinger. our sex life is great and he said they're meeting as friends. but she is meeting us alone without her bf! why!? should this feel like cheating? it's not a dating site but still. i'm uncomfortable to meet her but i will. she knows so much about me. i'm used to finding out my bf shared too private stuf about us to his friends. but is this too much or am i overeacting? should i maybe feel glad he talks about us to other girls, at least he lets them know he's not single. but then why he wrote in his online status he is!? i'm confused. thanks in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferSNJ Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm interested to see what other people are going to write in. I'll have to think about this more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I would be upset if my boyfriend was sharing details of our sex life to a female friend he met online. My first question would be - how they met in the first place? Secondly - why did he input his online status as single? I think it's rather odd that he is inviting you to meet her, granted yes, he did mention about you to her, bit I would still be a bit disturbed by this. Why isn't her boyfriend meeting up with you guys as well, is he even aware that his girlfriend is meeting someone she met online? You have every right to be bothered by this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I would not be OK with that at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterflyWrists Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Tbh, I think I would be flattered to have someone talk about me. Admitedly I think he has gone a bit far with it all. And meeting her, at least its with you. But "just meeting as friends" would make me slightly paranoid. Tell him he has to tell you EVERYTHING he has told her about you, and set limits on what he can and cannot share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pappers Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I don't think you're overreacting whatsoever. What a huuuuuuge violation of your privacy!!! Why would he share photos of you with another girl?! You can never get those back! Oh I would be sooooo angry! And now meeting each other? Sorry but this sounds just super weird. I don't think you should feel glad about this at all - this is beyond talking about you to others in a respectable and proud way. And if he says he's single as his status... well, there are just too many red flags. I think they have other motives here than just meeting up as friends, and now drawing you into it... I'd be very careful. Your bf has a side that you haven't seen before and it is completely disrespectful and inappropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel1980 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 i would not be ok with it either... i wouldn't want them to meet up at all. if my bf was talking to a female he met on the net about sex then i would be very very upset. something seems a bit fishy to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 i know he's not a swinger. Are you sure? -and- our sex life is great These are mutually exclusive statements. One doesn't have anything to do with the other...Just because your sex life is great, doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't like to include another person. but she is meeting us alone without her bf! i'm confused. thanks in advance. I see red flags. If you have ever considered a 3-way, your opportunity might be on its way. If not, I suggest you avoid alcohol, and make your feelings on the matter known, in a polite way of course, to you bf. If DH pulled something like this, I'd know exactly what was coming next. Also- does he know you don't like him sharing those kinds of details? IMO, that's a boundary issue. The details of your intimate life, and who is privy to them should be something you are both comfortable with. Stay alert...might be nothing, but don't get blindsided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Ya that is definitely wrong and disrespectful on a ton of levels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I just saw your previous posts on threesomes with your boyfriend. Can you boyfriend possibly think that this is his chance to experiment with you? By first introducing you to his friend, (especially one that he's never met before)? I would strongly have a talk with him on this. Definitely sounds like red flags to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d24 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Considering the above post - BE WARY. This is not normal, you should be concerned and you have a right to be angry at this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 After reading your previous post I guess I don't understand why you would care. I mean you're suggesting having threesomes... At some point you're going to have to discuss sex with another couple to make that happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I personally think it is inappropriate to share details of your sex life with anybody without your permission... it is none of their business and violates your sense of intimacy. I wonder how much online flirting has been going on between them. I also wonder if he isn't setting you up for either a threesome with this girl, or else the beginnings of an open relationship. I would talk to him about this, and make it very clear that you are NOT interested in threesomes or an open relationship, and that if you find him cheating you will leave. He needs to understand what your boundaries are, and once you've defined them, you need to stick to them. There's a small chance he is just trying to be 'friends' with other people, but setting up flirtatious relationships with other women and talking about your sex life with them is not really appropriate if you want a monogamous relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I just saw your previous posts on threesomes with your boyfriend. Can you boyfriend possibly think that this is his chance to experiment with you? By first introducing you to his friend, (especially one that he's never met before)? I would strongly have a talk with him on this. Definitely sounds like red flags to me. AAAHHH...Now I see... Um, you've invited this into your relationship. You sent him the message that you were open to it, you told him your parameters, and he kept a serious face on the outside, and then went "WOO HOO" on the inside. Practically guaranteed.... I'll be stunned if she DOESN'T try to kiss you within 4 hours (or 4 drinks, whichever comes first) of meeting you. And you may not have opened the door, but you gave him GPS directions right to it.. So I think you may want to have a convo with him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Her bf made it clear he wanted to be monogamous when she brought up the idea of a threesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Oh, that makes it clear. He is trying to set up a threesome. But what is dangerous here is he has established a personal relationship with this women before suggesting you get together for a threesome. So what happens if he decides he likes her better than you? Most threesomes work best when the people are not emotionally involved with the third party, or they only do it as couples in a foursome. You may have shot yourself in the foot here in that he may now feel that you both want an open relationship, where you see whomever you please and sex talk is OK with anyone since you will be inviting them into your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Her bf made it clear he wanted to be monogamous when she brought up the idea of a threesome. yeah, well she was also talking about including men-whole other kettle of fish. Guys? Am I wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephla Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 about my old post about threesome. that was from the last year! our relationship has been rocky, many ups and downs. i did think about a threesome at some point but we definitely decided not to. there's just too many wrongs with that for us. we're trying to have a serious healthy relationship. an exclusive one too. so i honestly don't know what to think, feel or do. my trust in him is very shaken. it's almost all open, he's not hiding it from me. but it's weird! though you made me think he's doing it now for a pay back. to get a revenge for me suggesting a threesome back then, since he wasn't into it. could that be it!? just to add a detail. he was online with her but when i entered the room and he quickly closed that window on the computer! but then later he showed me that message from her and i was able to read some parts. nothing disturbing, just the two of them arranging the meeting, with some parts that catched my eye, like "i hope you won't fall in love with us." i supose it was a joke. i don't wanna make a big deal out of nothing. small chances but could be "nothing". or i'm just blinding myself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Fury Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 huh?????? i didn't think so before, but with that maybe he IS trying to arrange a threesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velvette Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 quickly closing the window means he wasn't sure if he had said anything he didn't want you to see!! so after proof-reading it alone, making sure the section he'd show you would have nothing 'bad', THEN he lets you read it. idk sounds iffy. ask him if he's trying to start a threesome?? get it all out in the open? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I don't think it's a revenge thing. I think he's warmed up to the idea of the threesome. Two women in the sack... come on... Lot's of guys warm up to that pretty quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 You're best bet is to discuss this with him ASAP. Get it out in the open and see where it's going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I don't think it's a revenge thing. I think he's warmed up to the idea of the threesome. Two women in the sack... come on... Lot's of guys warm up to that pretty quick. lol. Exactly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMAbadman Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 What do they call that... ah... Man-which. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 What do they call that... ah... Man-which. Stop drooling.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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