stephla Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 i'm with the guy who happens to have many female friends. we've been together for nearly three years, i got to used to that and i trust him. but there's one that bothers me. a little before we started dating, she was in love with him. he wasn't, why else would he pick me? he told me about it and said he kind of liked her but not enough to be in a relationship with her, so they stayed "friends". they text eachother, go out, and do stuff friends do. they were never really together as far as i know. he talks about her a lot. which is ok, they're friends, right? but i've met her just a few times and she was acting strangly towards him. she was touching and teasing him. i don't know was it innocent or was is sexual. for example, it was a hot day and she spill bottled water all over my boyfriend, touching all the lenght of his arms, up and down couple of times. it didn't feel right to me, they were all wet and it looked odd. but i acceped it as a part of fun they had together. they also kissed on the face when saying hello and goodbye. i just stood there, she and i didn't touch. they also slept over at each others places before we started dating. and recently she at his place while we were dating. she had a reason for that, but still it was odd to me, because my boyfriend texted me that day and canceled our date saying he has something to do. a few days later he told me what was it. they also went on a short hollyday together. he talked about things he did, but he didn't mention her. maybe because he knew it would bother me, so he kept quiet to avoid fight? i don't know what's up with up him and her. is she a treat to me or am i paranoid? could he be doing it to get me jealous? he mentions her especialy when i talk about guy friends from work. could it be backfire? should i talk to him and how not to look jealous? i don't wanna ruin their friendship if that's all that is. i've read posts on similar issues, but i still can't see what's exactly going on here. help please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forgotten1 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 the holiday trip together? unless they were going in the same direction to see family id say that is highly unorthodox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereman7 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 You have to draw the line sometimes. define your relationship, and what the comfortable boundaries are for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babiidoll Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Ih he had ANY respect for yours and his relationship then he wouldnt take a trip with her for the holidays and he wouldnt kiss her..esp in front of you! what a loser! If he respected you in ANYWAY then he wouldnt have let her spend the night with him! If he cared about your feelings he would have said something when she spilled water on him... and he wouldnt have canceled yours and his date. Also, if he doesnt talk about then he feels ashamed to talk about her because they are fooling around! If I was you i'd end it as soon as I could! No man that loves you would do that! COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 As one of the previous posters said, you have to draw a line on what is comfortable for you, and also take into consideration what is conventional when drawing that line in order to ensure that you're being reasonable. For what it's worth, I think most people would draw the line some way back from where you currently are; I don't think most people in couples would tolerate their partner going on holiday with a friend of the opposite sex (unless as part of a large group), or some of the other things you describe. I'd suggest that you at least monitor the situation closely, and start to make your discomfort known to your bf in a constructive way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 they also went on a short hollyday together. he talked about things he did, but he didn't mention her. maybe because he knew it would bother me, so he kept quiet to avoid fight? Before or after you got together? Basically, she's flirting and acting inappropriately. He's enjoying it so he lets it go on (and encourages it). he mentions her especialy when i talk about guy friends from work I think he does use it as ammo, but because he knows you feel threatened. That doesn't make the rest of it harmless though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephla Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 thank you all for posting. now i'm sure this is way accross the line. but i'm afraid to talk to him because i'm not sure what to say. to be honest, i would like him to cut her out of his life because she has no respect for us as a couple. and believe me she won't change, she enjoys doing it and making her look innocent and me jealous. i also forgot to mention, to be worse, they work together. now what to do? i think too it's my bf's way of making me jealous, which is rude and unacceptable. so how to stop it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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