love?family?marriage?parents-children relationship?generation gap?dream?

[cattie]

Qatar Airways is recruiting for Cabin Crew and has announced a new run of open days ,that is,they'll have open days in shanghai,nanjing,wuhan and xian.since the first two have been expired,at that time i was too busy preparing my exam to look for infos about recruitment. now that i've learnt that there's still chance cuz i can have an interview with qatar airways in wuhan on may 10th or in xian on may 16th,however my parents wouldn't hear of it and against it forcefully.she's also told that quite a few of flight attendants have had miscarriages, some more than once. therefore,there a connection with the job, the exposure to radiation, pressurized cabin, low oxygen levels?

 

hardly had it been settled down,when my mom asked me to meet someone on a blind date arranged by her co-worker,since she promised that i would go,i met the boy out of showing my respect and saving my mom's pride.during meeting (i'd rather not take it as date),i smiled a lot to cover my reluctance,but a self-loved man would take it as a sign of affection?the very next morning,my mom got a message telling that his family are all fond of me,esp the boy himself likes me all the more,so your daughter better hurry to make a decision ,and let's us arrange a time for them to get engaged soon. hearing of it,i was almost knocked over.ain't it rediculous?

 

i'm suffering from insomnia as a result of constant nagging from my mom telling me that in a marriage,love only contributes to 10% and that it's wiser for a girl to marry someone who's responsible,good-natured,honest and a heart that's willing to settle down. REALLY?

 

WHAT'S THE difference and relationship between love and marriage??

 

PLZ GIMME A PIECE OF ADVICE,THANKS.

[alli]

It sounds like you aren't comfortable with an arranged marriage like this. It sounds like this is the culture that you and your parents live in, and for a lot of people, an arranged marriage works. The idea of "love" in a marriage is actually a relatively new concept. And I've actually heard that arranged marriages have a higher success rate than when people choose their own partners.

 

You have a decision to make here. I live in a Western society, so you can guess what my opinion is. But this is your life and your choice. Do you want to abide by the culture of your parents and get an arranged marriage? Or do you really, really want to be more "independent"... choose your own husband and your own career? If you don't want this... which it sounds like you don't... you need to put your foot down now.

 

I think my sister is kind of like your parents. She is always, always trying to get me to do what she thinks I should do. And not just little things... big things. She always tells me who she thinks I should date (not so much now that I'm in a relationship), where I should live, where I should work. Urgh. She will never stop, no matter what I say. So I handle it by listening to her, telling her "I'll think about it" and continuing to live the way I want to.

 

And as far as flight attendants having more miscarriages... ask your mom where she got her information. And ask your Dr if they have ever heard of such things. You could handle it by telling her "well, it's not a concern now since I'm not married and pregnant. But I'll keep that in mind when I get to that point in my life way, way into the future!"

[spinstermanquee]

Hmmm... sounds like someone dreams of traveling and seeing the world and might not be ready to get married and start popping out babies?

 

How does one "get out of" an arranged marriage when the meeting between the families has already happened? Will this bring shame on your parents or their family? Is it okay to decide "no" to him and still save face?

 

Did you feel any affection or interest with him? Is there any chance that you want to pursue the discussion? If you did, would you be able to speak with him privately or semi-privately to get a better understanding of what kind of man he is?

 

Many things are changing in the world and if you are in the same age group as this man maybe he has different ideas too...

 

Good luck my dear!

[Circe]

Any stage before the "engagement" actually happens is ok to pull out..

 

You don't seem ready for this. I'm not against arranged marriages but I think you have to really think about why one would be good for you - and, as you say, what marriage and love means to you - before you get into one.

[Circe]

Oh and I see that's exactly what you are thinking about and want help with.

 

What's the difference and relationship between love and marriage?

 

I'll agree with your mum to the extent that she says love isn't enough to make a marriage (or even any other relationship) work in the long term. However, I think love is a crucial ingredient. It's the glue that keeps you together when everything else lets you down.

 

For example, say he's a truly great guy with a great personality, responsible, good values, financial stable, etc and you are both truly compatible.

 

There will still be days when your mood is bad. When things have gotten you both down. When you just don't agree. One of you might be hit by depression and just not acting like your usual selves. Life just has a way of throwing you obstacles along the way and sometimes your general compatibility isnt enough to keep things together. It's times like that when love is particularly crucial. It's the reason you stay even though there seems to be very little in it for you.

 

Also, it helps in bringing happiness (rather than just contentedness) to your life. By the way that doesn't mean you have to love them first but if you don't, you have to be capable of learning to love them after marriage.

 

By the way - I think sense of humour is also key. Be on the look out for whether you share a similar sense of humour. I think that's really important.