I'm turning 20 and never have had a girlfriend

[lonelynshy]

My emotions are getting stronger and more negative each day. Why am I such a failure in relationships? No girl out there seems to like me. I'm in my freshman year at a large university. I live on campus. This is the best period of my life to meet people but I'm a miserable failure. I hate the thought of being single all my life. Why don't girls like me? I'm intelligent,sensitive,well-read and I am really into things like the environment and nature. Maybe it's because I'm short. I'm only 5'5". I was bullied in school by guys bigger than me. I thought it would get better here but it hasn't. Some guys still bully me and beat me. It's worse when they do it in front of girls because they all start laughing. I can't fight back because they threaten to bash me into a window. And when I try to walk away they call me a wuss and all the girls are watching. I hate life. I hate this whole planet. It's all BS that I make my destiny. I can't make myself big and tall and that means I will continue being beaten up by guys and rejected by girls till old age. I wish I could be given a chance to be born again. I would willingly cut all my virtues in half to be a normal guy. My grades are falling too. I don't understand what I did wrong. I just want a girlfriend. I want someone to cuddle up with and talk to and be treated like an ordinary man. I want someone to understand me. I really thought university would make things better for me. But no it hasn't. I fully realize what it means to be lonely in a crowd.

[Zidane0911]

Hey Man, I know what that feels like...Bear with me here...But im a Freshman in High School, I am 5'0 and 1/4 inches (woohoo!) and weigh 82.5 pounds!!! People at school call me shrimp, or tiny.....But what i do is just laugh at it....Even though they are being jerks to me, I just laugh at it...Who needs those guys anyways? If they are being jerks to you, just try and avoid them at all costs...My suggestion is try to date someone younger than you. Im in the 9th grade, and i have hooked up with a 7th grader, and no one laughed at that, because they knew I chose someone that young because she was my size. (Please, DONT take offense to that) Even if they DID laugh at me, I would think "ahh who needs 'em". So going out with someone younger than you won't ever hurt. Heck, some Seniors are hooking up with Freshman girls!!! Also, the girl I dated, is from a different school. Try and look for a girl you maybe like who works with you at your job, or maybe who goes is a Senior in High school. Just try all things possible....

 

Hope this helps!!!!!!!!!

 

--Zid

 

PS - You can add me to your AOL list if needed so we can talk in Private

[sphinx999]

Darlin trust me your height is not a problem, I'm 5"3 and my boyfriends 6"4 and personally I'd prefer it if he was shorter because his height causes alot of problems. I usually go for short guys because they are not so imtimidating. My advice to you is to build up your confidence girls like it and try to ignore the bullies because that will make you bigger than them, sorry for the figure of speech. Be level headed and cool and the girls will flood after you.

sphinx xx

[lonelynshy]

thank you so much for responding.

i am just curious,why didn't anyone else reply? it just confirms my suspicion that women don't like short guys,skinny guys or guys who have problems. well don't call us men hypocrites then when we don't like fat women. (as a matter of fact i would never reject a girl because she was fat but female selfishness is making me feel vengeful).

[DiglyD]

I have an idea why you consider yourself such a failure with girls....do you want to know what it is? You wanted someone to reply well you got what you asked for.

 

Its probably becasue you have not taken control of your life.

Its probably becasue you are blaming the world and everyone in it for your problems instead of looking WITHIN at yourself and realizing that its all about you. You are the captain of your own ship and that you and only you are responsible for your own life and how it turns out.

Its probably because you live in a world of fantasy choosing to ignore the reality around you.

Its probably because you have already prejudged the reason (being short) and are trying to search for justification here, or your brain is trying to make excuses for your lack of effort to better yourself.

Its probably because you don't believe in yourself.

Its probably becasue you have over time conditioned yourself to believe that you are a looser.

 

If indeed this is the case and you continue living the life that you have been living your life will be very much like it has been up to this point. When you graduate college, you boss will bully you, you will work long hours for little pay, and your wife or girlfirend if you get one by then will take advantage of you until there is nothing left. It does not matter that you are in a university. It will not matter if you graduate or if you make alot of money. Everything will be the same as it has always been so long as you continue doing the same things in the same way. ONLY WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE ACTION AND CHANGE YOURSELF AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES AROUND YOU WILL YOUR LIFE BEGIN TO IMPROVE. This is how the world works. The sooner you figure this out the easier and hapier life will be for you.

 

It sounds like you think your life is over. Its not over its barely begun. There are thousands of wonderful things ahead for you to discover and many people's lives that you will touch and influence. There are a few hearts you will break and there is someone who you will make very happy eventually. Its all out thee for you to discover.

 

But right now you are looking at your life like its nothing. You are living a looser's life. Is this that they type of life ou want? Do you enjoy living a life where everyone picks on you? From your post it looks to me that this is what you want, and it looks like you have given up on yourself. It looks to me like you have accepted your fate as that of a wuss and given up on hope for a better tomorrow.

 

The reaosn things are the way they are is because you have allowed them to progress to such a point. You are what you think. Your thoughts drive your actions and your thoughts manifest and project themselves in everything that you do. If you think that you are a champion then you will be a champion. If you think you are a wuss then you will be a wuss. If you look at yourself as a looser with girls guess what? You will be a looser with girls. You, and only you are the person who can change things. You are the one who can make hell out of life or life out of hell.

 

Do you know what type of guy girls who are looking for boyfriends are attracted to? Do you? They are attracted to guys with inner strength, guys with confidence, and guys who take full responsibility for their actions. They are attracted to guys who are strong, guys who can protect them from bullies, guys who are decisive and courageous and who believe in themselves. They are attracted to guys who project power, and guys who don't let life drag them down. They want men who are like rocks so that if something happens they have someone to lean on. Can you provide these things now? Are you strong? Are you confident? Do you believe that you can accomplish anything? Do you?. Can you protect a girl? Can you make decisions for her? Can you be the rock she will lean on?

 

If you haven't noticed I didn't mention anything about being tall, smart, good looking or wahtever else. Its irrelevent. Its about inner being. Its about your inner self and what you project into the world. That alone makes you either a success or a failure in life. Its not looks, its not size, its not money and its not anything else like that.

 

Stop making excuses that you are short and that is why you fail. Stop making excuses that you are a failure becasue people beat you up. People beat you up because you let them, and they will continue beating you up for as long as you don't fight back. The strong always pick on the weak. Fight back. Become strong. Become a man. Take control of your life. Start steering your own ship. You want things to change, then you change. Start going to the gym, become strong. If they bully you then kick their butt. Stand up for yourself. You're a man not a mouse. If they laugh at you then tell them to shut up. Men who get girls don't make excuses. They earn respect by speaking their mind and standing up for those they love, and the things they believe in. Men who get girls take responsibility for their lives and everything in it. They don't make excuses, and they don't blame the world, or anyone in it. Men who get girls don't let failure stand in their way. This is what makes them strong. Men who are successful in life and with girls take life's hurdles as a challange to beat, and overcome. They wake up each morning excited that new things will happen and that they will learn new things and become better men in the process. I'm not talking about the loosers who pretend to be something they are not just to get a girl into bed but REAL men who make women happy and leave a lasting impression.

 

This is attitude. They are not born with this. They learn this. They work. They work hard to better themselves and to become better then they were yesterday. You can do this too. All you have to do is try. All you have to do is work for it. There is no victory without sacrifice. There is not triumpth without loss. THere is no success without failure. If you want something in life you got to pay for it and usually you got to pay for it in advance.

 

You want to get the girls? You want a girlfriend? You wnat life to be better for you?

 

First stop making excuses for your life. No one is to blame, excet you. You must accept the fact that you are in control of your own life and you must take full control right now. Stop hating the world and everyone it it. Stop blaming outside factors for how your life has turned out. Realize that you let things happen in your life that led to these circumstances and have the courage to change. Take control. Take action.

 

It does not matter whether you are short, fat, white, black, ugly or perfect. Everyone has problems, and challanges to overcome. The key is doing the most with what has been given to you. The key is to make the most of what life has delt you. You wish you were born again? Please...you sould be ashamed to say such things. There are people out there who would give anything to be in your shoes. There are people out there who can't walk, who can't touch someone else because they have no hands, there are people who can't kiss a girl, who can't speak or who can't even look into a beautiful woman's face becasue they have no eyes. How can you say that you want to be born again. You should get on your knees and be thankfull that you are where you are and who you are .There are people out there who would do anything to get the opportunities that you have. There are people out there who would like to be healthy like you and go to college for example. Stop taking your life for granted and realize how much good things you got going for yourself.

 

If that is not enough to get you motivated, go read about people who lost their arms and become successful, read about people like Armostrong who overcame cancer and managed to win the Tour de France 5 times. Read about people who overcame diseases only to fight on, and people who suffered sport injuries, ended up in wheelchairs only to get back up and lead more fulfilling lives then ever before. Did you read that story about that 17 year old surfer who lost her arm to a shark earlier in the year? Does she want to be born again? Does she think her life sucks? No she is surfing pushing forward.

 

The only difference between a looser and a winner is how and what they think on a daily basis. That is it.

 

Second hting you need to do is wake up. You are living a life of delusion. You are asleep just like in the matrix. Wake yourself up. You think that you are an intelligent, sensetive, well-read guy who likes the environemnt and whatever. A girl dosen't know this? What does she see when she looks at you? What do you project? Do you project strength or weakness? Do you project confidence or failure? Why should she devote her precious time to you? What can you offer her? Wake up and realize that you are trying to get something for nothing. Realize that you want a girlfriend but you are not offering anyting in return. You are not willing to put in any effort to get her, all yo uare willing to do is make excuses of why the world is the way it is. You have to offer her what she wants. You are not offering what SHE THINKS she is looking for. All that inelligent, sensetive, well-read, caring guy stuff dosen't come into play until you already have the girl. First you need to get the girl. Its a 2 step process. You lack the things that will make the girl become attracted to you. Get those things, become what she wants. Become the man she dreams about at night. Become her knight in shining armor.

 

Hit the gym, read some self help books, tell yourself you are the man, and start looking at the world with a happier attitude and wake up e ach morning with enthusiasm.

 

You must start thinking that failure is good. Failure is there to help you and to guide you to success. If you didn't fail at someting you would never experience anything new. You would never grow as a person or truly appreciate what you eventually will accomplish.

 

Look at how you think...YOU have said "It just confirms my suspicion that women don't like short guys". You already have decided that you have failed, before you have even starte, before you even got any facts, before you even tried. Its like coming to a town full of gold mines filled with gold and saying there is no gold here giving up and turning around before ever hitting the ground once with your pitchfork. See my point.?You defeat yourself before you even try. This leads to failure.

 

Why not say "Wow there are alot of chicks here who will dig a guy like me. I can't wait to meet them and show them what a good catch I am."

 

You have been placed on this planet for a reason, and whatever the reason is its more then to just to suck up oxygen. Find out what that reason is. You have a purpose like everyone else to do some good in this world, and make things happen. Relax, and take the pressure off. You life is not as bad as you think. You barely started, and many things lie ahead of you, some good and some bad. That is whtas so exciting. YOu get t oexperience stuff.

 

All you have to do is change your thinking. Its that simple.

 

There is a book called "As a man thinketh" by James Allen. You can download it free from various websites off the web as a pdf. Its about 60 pocket size pages. You should commit it to memory. Here is an interesting excerpt,

 

"A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his conditionm and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself...This being so, man has but to right himself to find that the universe is right; and during the process of puting himself right, he will find that as the alters his thoughts towards things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him. The turth of this is in every person, and it thereforeeee admits of easy investigation by systematic introspection and self-analysis. Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will effect in the material conditions of his life."

 

This book was written in 1920. Every book about business, and success pretty much says the same thing. "You are what you think about." If you are as well read and as intelligent as you have said you should have seen this concept at some point in your life.

 

 

here is another quote,

 

"Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Their whims, fancies, and ambitions are thwarted at every step, but their inter most thoughts and desires are fed with their own food, be if foul or clean. "The divinity that shapes our ends" is in ourselves, it is our very self. Man is manacled only by himself: thought and action are the goalers of Fate-they imprison, being base also are the angels of Freedom-the liberate-being noble. Not what he wishes and prays for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only answered when they harmonize with this thoughts and actions...Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves. they remain bound. A man who does not shrink from self-crusifuction can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. Even the person whose sole object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object...Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results, and bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought is some direction. it is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, and the Law of his being. The sole supreme use of suffering is to purify, to burn out all that is useless and impure. Suffering ceases for him who is pure. The circumstances which a man encounters with suffering are a result of his own mental inharmony. The circumstances which man encounters with blessedness are the result of his own mental hormony. Blessedness, not material possessions, is the measure of right thought, A man may be cursed and rich; he may be blessed and poor. "

 

basically in a nut shell you are what you think. Your life is a measure of you, your inner self, and corect moral thought and if you want something out of life you better desire it with all your heart and be willing to pay the price.

[hopehatesyou]

well.. coming from a girl..you sound like your trying WAY too hard.I think its important to set limits for yourself.Maybe go to some singles parties or a club or something.You go to college..get involved in something there where you might be able to meet girls.You dont seem like your much like other 20 year old guys and there is a girl out there for you im sure.Just take your time and dont worry about it too much.Your sounding really desperate and that isnt what girls want..so just relax and think about other things.Let the oppurtunity of meeting girls come to you and once it does then take action.Girls dont like it when guys are desperate and try way too hard.Keep us posted on whats happening.-Hope.:

[Sk8r55]

My suggestion is try to date someone younger than you. Im in the 9th grade, and i have hooked up with a 7th grader

Holy sh**... Im in eighth grade and dating a 7th grader and people make fun of me for that... "you cant do any better than a 7th grader, you are such a loser" etc...

[Caldus]

I would like to add something:

 

It's not just about yourself. You need to realize that. It's actually about everyone. I don't mean to say never think for yourself, but don't focus all attention to yourself. Sometimes, when you help other people for example, it actually makes you feel good at the same time. Nice tradeoff, don't you think?

 

Well, good luck with everything.

[therethisgirl..]

dude, short guys tend to be more successful with women because they appear less intimidating, as for the ones who laugh when bigger guys pick on you - who needs them? if watching an innocent guy get beaten up is fun for them then why would you even care if they liked you? ive never had a girlfriend and im 18, but its no excuse to lower standards. maybe youre in the wrong group of people.. if its a big uni then im sure youll find someone, give it time.

[Xality]

 

 

OK, you say you are intelligent, yet you can't deal with bullies? If you are intelligent you can humilliate these guys badly if they are bullying you in front of girls, keep calm, dont get angry or upset and basically tell them the truth, that you are supposed to be in Uni, not in school with a bunch of kids, you know these guys better than I do, I am sure you can say something that will make them leave you alone. However don't say something stupid like: "I dare you to hit me" that won't work

 

Dude don't worry, I am 23 and I've never had a g/f either and the truth is that I am fine.

 

You either learn to live with it or do something about it.

 

I've tried doing something about it and I realized that I am happier alone than if I was with someone, dating is too much hazzle for me and I like spending most of my time alone, I am a thinker and enjoy time by myself.

 

Now, you are very unlikely to be like me, hell I doubt there is many people like me out there, 2 would be too many, lol. But I think your problems are self-inflicted, is a bit like someone that is depressed because they are fat, so they keep eating because they are depressed.

 

The human mind and human behaviour are the most complicated things ever, did you know that what most people want is 'happiness' yet science can't actually explain what that word means? Some rich people are not happy, even some famous actors who have all the money and women in the world are not happy but then again you can ask someone living on the street if they are happy and they might say yes, even though they have no friends and no money.

 

What I am trying to say is that I doubt a girlfriend will fix your problems, if anything is the opposite, you need to sort out your problems before you can get a girlfriend, you are getting bullied for a start, who the hell is going to go out with a guy that cant stand up for himself? what? you want your girlfriend to come and defend you when you are getting bullied as well? well unless you go out with Xena that aint going to happen m8.

 

You need to work on whatever other problems you have, on anything else that makes you unhappy, if you can't find anything then do something you always wanted to do, learn how to play an instrument do something else that will keep your mind occupied.

 

You will find that your worse enemy during these times are not the bullies or the world, but YOURSELF, stop being so negative, I know is hard but you can do it, I could and I was very negative and I still am at times but just stop all those negative voices in your head, they are the first part of your problems. You can either think of something else or tell your inner-self that you know you are not a looser, a looser wouldn't be at Uni, a looser would probably be in a crap-hole somewhere injecting himself with drugs THAT'S A LOOSER.

 

The more negative you are, the harder it becomes to think clearly, not necessarily thinking in a positive way but thinking stuff like: "she wont like me" when is someone you havent even met before.

 

There are many other things you have to keep in mind as well but I could keep going on for absolute ages, these are all answers I had to find by myself, I think you should be able to do so as well.

 

Also, if you are smoking pot in Uni you should seriously stop, trust me, I love the stuff but my life has been a lot better since I stopped and you might not even see a link between that and your behaviour, but it can affect the way you think, remember all drugs can affect people differently.

 

 

 

Well good luck...

[Born2Die]

dude. Im the same, im 20, ive never had a girlfriend. Im 6ft3. Im tall. And im slime, tonned.

Honestly - i cant give u adive on how to get a girlfriend, becuase i dont know hom. But what i can tell u is that your not alone. Im right there with u. And i know how u feel - it sucks. Life sucks. Some people have cool lives. People like us have bad lifes....

 

If i can give u some advice - that u may not want. But - dont go out looking to get a girlfriend - thats what all those stupid punk ass guys do. Only get a girlfriend when u have found the RIGHT girl. What im trying to say is. Its stupid to have a girlfriend only for they sake of having a girl friend. Have a girlfriend because u truly want to be with that girl.

 

Thats all. Cheers

[michaeltinker]

you guys need to study wing chung and gain a whole lot of confedence.

 

girls love confedence

 

it makes them feel safe.

 

watch out for some of these girls are carring and with vengence against man

rapp it up!

 

know thy self so they may know how to love

 

thy self, thy world, and thy mate!

 

much love

Michael

[Xality]

you guys need to study wing chung and gain a whole lot of confedence.

 

girls love confedence

 

it makes them feel safe.

 

watch out for some of these girls are carring and with vengence against man

rapp it up!

 

know thy self so they may know how to love

 

thy self, thy world, and thy mate!

 

much love

Michael

 

heh, I have confidence to spare dude, if you could sell confidence I'd be a millionaire, however I am almost 23 and stil I never had a g/f.

 

Hell, I could wake up and have both Britney and Christina next to my bed and I could still act cool and confident.

 

I am just crap at getting hints from girls, I review my past experiences and there are some girls that soooo wanted to go out with me... only problem is that when I realized it was too late

[macho]

Hey dude you need to start fighting back! The next time these guys start bullying you, fight back hard and I mean hard. Go nuts and clobber them! I'm serious! You can do it. I am 38 and only 5'5 140 lbs. Back when I was your age and a little younger I got into a few fights with guys bigger than me, and I would always go nuts and do the best I could to fight back. I didn't always win but I always at least got in some good pile driving punches that probably rattled their ancestors! The trick is to hit low first! That will incapacitate your opponent and then just go nuts! As for getting a girl, hang in there and I will repeat the obvious from the others. You have got to be positive!! Quit wallowing in what is and make adjustments. Wherever you happen to be for example, always act like that is the place to be! Smile a lot , laugh. Look people in the eye, and be a good LISTENER! Just like me, I am listening to your plight because I want to help you. That is a good quality of person. Chicks will dig that dude really! I know it gets tough sometimes when your not dating anyone. To be honest I have been going through a bad dryspell with women myself. All i do is work and participate in my local Masonic Lodge and that is basically it besides drinking myself into oblivion on Sat and SUn and watching that football! I just got dumped recently by a woman I thought was the ONE! We went out a few times. I took her to Shriners dances, movies, cooked dinner(ordered Chinese take out actually!HAHA) for her,etc. and lo and behold she e-mailed me to give me that load of nonsense about how she found somebody else and how she just wanted to be friends! I told her "WELL YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!"CYA! That's another thing if you do get dumped act like it doesn't bother you! It did kind of bother me, I mean I admit I was a little hurt but for appearances I was STRONG! STRENGTH, CONFIDENCE, AGGRESSION, POSITIVITY, will rule the day. I wish you the best! I will be praying for you. And remember the next time those guys start that crap up with you you FIGHT BACK HARD and CLOBBER THEM!

later on dude!~

[stinagen]

yo if your right about peapol thare all full of crap just work out and dont care whut outher peapol think next time thay try messing with you just punch them in the nose and dont stop punching the beathing will be worse but thay will eventualy stop becouse thay will becouse being punched hard enuff hearts and you dont want to go out with the chicks that make fun you and thay wont bash you threw a windo and if thay do throw a brick thew thares dont walk a way just ignore them till thay touch you i know exactly how you feel true hommies are rare and remember if thay need to mess with someone elce to look good in front of chicks thare small down stares and go to enviormental rallies and stuff to fined chicks just become a freand first

[Marty2.0]

Its the start of your high school career, which truelly are meant to be the best years of your life. I know how it feels to be bullied in such a way, u feel like ur being pushed into this dark hole by people that dont understand you and just want to have fun at your expense. The dreary feeling that comes over you can ultimatly ruin your life, but you cant let it, every one is equal, never mind about size, small is just as good as big especially in a fight as you would have more manouverability than those big asses! Youve got to think positive however bad things may make you feel, its basically just a chemical in the brain that gives you that dreary feeling because of others intimidation, think of it that way, its one small thing. Obviously you may not be comfortable in confrontation, as i am, that rush of adrenaline and that other chemical going straight to your brain, it makes things feel 10 times worse, however youve got to think, a beating up is what, a little bit of pain, maybe some blood from the lip and possibly a bruise, your adrenaline covers that pain up anyway, its not as if they guys can or will kill you. This is just my theory, prob not any good to most reading it, but if you think about it, it makes sense. If someones starts on you, why not just do your best, swing for them, even if its something uv seen in a movie, a drop kick or that, your showing these tossers that your not a standing target, your fear from them isnt a barrier anymore! Think of all the bad things in your life at that moment when ur facing them, take a moment to relax and think, focus all that anger all that tension, you dont even have to open your eyes, scream, shout, do a flip, anything, show them that your not just a nothing that can be trampled on. As for the girls side of things, that just comes from being relaxed, if you actually feel for a girl, dont pick any one going, actually see someone that makes you feel tingly, think about all the things u like about them, relax yourself, and then just say plain and simple to them, i like you, or i think your cute. If they laugh fine, if they walk away and tell their friends, fine. Its not the end of the world, all it has done has shown yourself that u are capable, you forget about it, move on, even if people start teasing you, its your life, just say, yeh so, i wanted to. YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING, YOU DO IT!! Fullstop. Unless its illegal ofcourse, no one can stand in your way. Your your own person, its your life, live it, do wat u want. Damnit, sign up for skydiving, join a club of your hobby that makes you feel great, or just go about with your own routine such as grabbing a hot dog, going into town and playing some arcade or pool. Its your life, live it. You might just get people interested in you cause your the one that doesnt give a sh**, you live your life, your happy, who cares! At the end of the day anyway, for someone to talk to or have for company, your families always behind you, so for anyone who thinks there alone cause they have no friends, thats not true. Youve got your life and your blood. Your a person, your a somebody!

[Marty2.0]

True! Hitting low is a key blow (that rhymes The solar plexus is the bottom of the middle of your rib cage, hit there and youve winded your opponent, from there, the world is your oyster, or atleast their face and nuts are!

[Lu1f3r]

False. How he thinks is necessary but not sufficient enough to determine whether he is a loser or winner.

 

 

 

 

The reality is we can only be what we can be.

 

 

 

Statement is false. It is contingent that we were placed on this planet for a reason.