myonlymotive Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 We were only friends for a couple of months before we got together, but we always knew there was a lot of chemistry between us. We're at the same university in the same classes doing the same double degree with the same majors - and this alone made us connect from day 1. We want the same things out of life, we've both got motivation, the similarities in what we love are endless. He's an intellectual, like me, and we connect so strongly on every level. He's my dream guy and, according to him, I'm his dream girl. I'm a strong believer in fate and.. I just feel like he could be the one. We spent an amazing month together going out - and then he didn't talk to me for three days. I didn't know there was anything wrong. I thought it was odd, because we don't usually go that long without some kind of contact, but I left it to he'd been out drinking with his mates or something and.. I don't know. Just. something. Then, on the Monday after the weekend he came to me and said that he simply couldn't date me because there's too much of an age gap between us. AGE! To me, age is a number, but to him it's apparently something really important. So.. he single handedly decided that we should break up because there was no way he could continue and yes, I'm bitter about it. Extremely bitter. He wouldn't listen to my arguments, about being at the same place in our lives so it doesn't matter.. I know it would be different if he was looking for a job or a home or something, but.. he's not. He and I are going to be together at university for the next three years, so I just.. don't understand. He wants to be friends with me. Close friends. We're too compatible NOT to be.. and I don't want to lose him, even as a friend... but I don't know if I can handle it. tl;dr : I'm 19 and he's 23, and he broke up with me because of this even thought we're perfect in every other way. I don't know what to think or believe, and I KNOW that there ARE other fish in the sea but... this connection that we had... everything... I thought (I STILL think) he's the one... I don't know how to heal from something like this, if I should. I don't want to give him up... should I? Or should I wait, and be friends, until age doesn't matter anymore?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 eeesh!!! (seems like i have been saying that a lot these days!) i am sorry for what happened. sometimes these relationships that start so quickly seem to end as quickly. i agree, 19/23 is not an age gap at all, at least, not in my eyes, and probably not to most people also. especially if you are both college students, in the same major, etc... it seems like you are in the same life stage. but maybe it's because he can go to the bars and you can't? just a theory... as you have discovered, you can't reason a guy into having a relationship with you. you can't list all the reasons why you and he would be great together. it's just not the way that attraction works. my guess is that he lost attraction for you, he probably doesn't even know why, he chalked it up to the 'age gap' (only logical thing he could think of?!) and then broke it off. i would accept his breakup and go no contact. i am really sorry that this happened, and i hope that the next guy realizes what a great catch you are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilBear Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 In my opinion, 4 years is hardly that big an age gap. You have been only going out for a month, so I expect you will get over this soon. As for being friends, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. If you don't think you can settle for being just friends, you should voice your thoughts to him. On the other hand, if you do decide to be friends, you should be so without harboring any hopes of getting back together in the future. Anyway, he may decide you're perfect for each other after all, down the road. Or you may realize that he was right, that you're both not that compatible. As the saying goes, whatever will be, will be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 ps - if you really do want to stay friends with him, i would recommend going no contact for at least 60 days, until you have completely moved on and are over him, and then you can just appreciate his friendship and not hope for something more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myonlymotive Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 I agree with you!! My best friend said there might be an ulterior motive like that.. but when I asked him directly about it (I tend to be blunt like that...) he said there was nothing else, and it seemed it was quite difficult for him to break up with me... His best friend called me and asked what had happened because he was so distraught, but didn't want to talk about it... I get what you mean about reasoning though, thank you!! I realise I was trying to do that quite a bit... oops. and thank you!! The problem with no contact being we have all our classes together... hmmm.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 well, i'd just sit not too close to him, and force yourself to pay close attention to the lecture and take lots of notes. don't let him distract you. (oh, and don't forget to look super hot in class, just to make him sweat a bit!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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