fishguy Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 my girlfriend just dumped me and I want to know if she is either of these. Her Symptoms were 1.insane jealousy 2.mood swings that were off the wall 3.Do me a favor even if I didn't ask then bring it up whenever she was mad and make me feel bad for it 4.If she was blasting me on the phone,she would hang up on me the minute I would try to defend myself,this drove me nuts! 5.Awesome in bed,I've read where some people with these problems are. 6.She would bring up subjects that she know would hurt me deeply in the middle of an argument even if it was totally unrelated to the argument 7.total clean freak would call my place a dump if there were 2 glasses in the sink. 8.On occasion apologize for some of her behavior,then repeat the same behavior sometimes hours from apologizing 9.Would not be sorry for herself being unreachable,but rip me a new one if I didn't respond to a text message or phone call within minutes 10.If I was anywhere that she thought I might be enjoying myself without her,she would make sure she would ruin it by sending angry or downright psychotic text message to me. 11.Would magnify any faults I have,yet make no apologies for hers. 12.Would say incredibly mean things and demean me,yet if I so much as raised an eyebrow to her she would lose it. 13.Would accuse me of not being confident yet belittle me and call me a loser all the time killing my confidence. 14.Dumped me all of sudden coldly and abruptly.Without warning. We were together 2 years and I miss the good times even if there wasn't as many of them.I feel like an idiot for missing her so much.I guess it bugs me so much that she threw me away like I was nothing.I suspect someone else came into her life as she is gorgeous and attracted a lot of male attention. I got involved with her after my 15 year marriage ended and she healed my broken heart then.It hurts me that she shattered it even worse.I feel totally scared about being in another relationship again. Do you think she was either bipolar or narssistic. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laisla Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 none of us are psychiatrists and she is not here so we don't know. it doesn't matter what her label is.......you two did not work out....that's the most important thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uj2004 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 2.mood swings that were off the wall not off the wall, but yeah, a perfect day could be ruined by 1 tiny thing not going perfect for her 3.Do me a favor even if I didn't ask then bring it up whenever she was mad and make me feel bad for it yes, on the somewhat rare occasions she would do something like that 4.If she was blasting me on the phone,she would hang up on me the minute I would try to defend myself,this drove me nuts! Yep. She wouldn't ever listen to me when I said something that made sense and she couldn't disagree with, so she just get mad and change tact. Frequently hung up on me, wouldn't answer often when I called back. 8.On occasion apologize for some of her behavior,then repeat the same behavior sometimes hours from apologizing ALL THE TIME. Not only that, she would then twist the situation around and so really make me the one to blame for whatever it was SHE had apologized for. 9.Would not be sorry for herself being unreachable,but rip me a new one if I didn't respond to a text message or phone call within minutes Dude, you sure you aren't the one who took off with my ex?!! This happened all the time. I would leave my phone somewhere and come back to find 4 messages, tone being normal/worried/agitated/mad usually. I told her I was scared of missing her messages, I meant it. But she would not say anything if it took her hours to answer mine. 10.If I was anywhere that she thought I might be enjoying myself without her,she would make sure she would ruin it by sending angry or downright psychotic text message to me. Not quite as bad, but yeah, this one goes for all girls. Mine would refuse to talk to me if I was with friends, and barely text either. 11.Would magnify any faults I have,yet make no apologies for hers. Yep. Didn't try to fix her own issues either. 12.Would say incredibly mean things and demean me,yet if I so much as raised an eyebrow to her she would lose it. Oh yeah, tell a female how you really feel when angry and watch out. 13.Would accuse me of not being confident yet belittle me and call me a loser all the time killing my confidence. Always belittled me and made me feel like a loser since I wasn't Mr Smooth all the time. 14.Dumped me all of sudden coldly and abruptly.Without warning. Yep. By sms. Still have not seen her since a week and a half before she broke it off. Been 8 weeks now. So yeah mate, you were stuck with a girl like I had, and for some reason I too wish she was still there for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akazie Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 If you want to label her then call her an abuser and thank your lucky stars that she isn't in your life anymore. I know you are hurting right now but in a few months you will be relived that she is with someone else (if she is). You might like to examine what made you stick with a person who treated you like this and work on changing that so you don't get involved with another link removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightLily Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 ^agreed. This sounds like if anything it would be some sort of abandonment disorder or borderline. However, there would have to be other .. very severe symptoms for it to be borderline. Most likely just extreme jealousy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 I guess I stayed because I kept hoping that her behavior was going to improve.I was nothing but nice to her.I told her I loved her everyday and was always complimenting her.I guess maybe I was just feeding her ego and making her feel more confident until she thought maybe she could do better.I'm so confused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparchitecht Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 She doesn't meet the necessary amount of criteria to be either, although it's not impossible. The bigger issue you need to be aware of is that mood swings [especially in females] aren't exactly unheard-of concepts, mental illness not withstanding. There are tons of physiological reasons for her behavior, as well as psychological ones not pertaining to mental illness or personality disorder. What most laymen would call her is simply a sociopathic b-witch. Neurotic, perhaps. Crazy, perhaps. Damaged? That'd do, too. Save the Bipolar II and Narcissistic Personality Disorder tags for the professionals, though. Bottom line is that there's a multitude of people out there who don't fit the schema for either of these disorders, yet act irreverently similar to both. My favorite way to deal with them is running. Away. Fast. Be happy she only got your heart. Her type often take several organs and damage a dozen more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 I guess it hurts when your so patient and understanding of someone your with and are willing to except their shortcomings and they toss you away like you're nothing to them when you could have had several justifiable reasons to dump them.I can take solace in the fact that if she has found someone that she believes is a better catch than me,she will be even more jealous and possessive about him than she was about me and that was a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
viajera Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I agree with the others above - regardless of what you label her, she is an abuser and has some serious emotional issues. As sad as it is to realize, you're better off without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1MoreChance Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 hey uj2004 "10.If I was anywhere that she thought I might be enjoying myself without her,she would make sure she would ruin it by sending angry or downright psychotic text message to me. Not quite as bad, but yeah, this one goes for all girls. Mine would refuse to talk to me if I was with friends, and barely text either." I really hate it when men make these kinds of generalisations about "all girls" being a certain way. it is the case for some women, but don't put us all in the same boat. and remember the insanelly jealous bf? I have heard of a couple of those. they do the same crap. it doesn't mean "all guys" are that way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary1958 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 One thing that is a huge red flag with disorders is there upbringing. What was her childhood like. I was with someone like this for 2 years. Im 2 years out and still recovering from the abuse. Now she had been diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety disorder which she nicely informed me about a year into the relationship. Oh and yeah, the meds were in her glove box cause she didnt like the side effects. We went to counselling a few times and me alone after it all ended to try and make sense of the hurricane I had lived through. The counsellor we had seen us together and now me alone suspected Bi-polar or BPD. Now you dont have to meet all the criteria to have it and in the end like the above posters have stated. The label doesnt matter but the actions do. Its abuse plain and simple. These people will repeat these patterns unless they get help. Be glad your out. Took me a year to realize how lucky I was to be out but Im still healing. Id share a funny story of how she ended it with me but I think you get the point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Her childhood wasn't that great,she was basically on her own since she was 15 and I definitely think that it has something to do with how she behaves. She always seem to resent the fact that I had a normal childhood. She also seemed always uncomfortable at family get togethers even though my family really liked her. Any problems I ever had were usually met with a stern 'deal with it!' Yet I would listen continually to her problems patiently and try to offer solutions.She definitely had a problem with being empathetic. I'm just really trying to make sense of it all.I'm trying to just remember the bad times we had and all the good times and laughs are the ones that keep popping into my head.My emotions keep going from despair to anger to acceptance,then the whole cycle starts again.Why do you miss someone who for the most part treated you like crap? Before this I use to think.Who would want to stay in an abusive relationship and think that these people were idiots.Now I know how these people felt. Your self esteem becomes so bad that you think they are the best you could do and you might as well deal with it. I'm really glad I found this board its been really therapeutic to be able to talk about this.I really appreciate everybody's advice.I don't really have many people I can talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 I was thinking of writing her a good bye letter.Do you think that's a good idea. Just a letter to thank her for the good times and to wish her all the best in the future.No lines like 'I wish we were still together'or anything just a letter aknowleging the break up.I think it would give me some closure. What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary1958 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 A goodbye letter keeps you engaged....Stay no contact and see where it leads...I went no contact for a year and then the emails started...dont no where its leading....but no contact is a way to make them think you have moved on whether you have or not.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellandroader Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I was thinking of writing her a good bye letter.Do you think that's a good idea. Just a letter to thank her for the good times and to wish her all the best in the future.No lines like 'I wish we were still together'or anything just a letter aknowleging the break up.I think it would give me some closure. What do you guys think? I did the letter because some things weren't said. It made me feel better, offered closure and my attitude was "at least she knows now". It may well keep you engaged but for me personally, though it did, I was happy I said my bit. After that though, if you decide to send one, leave her be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandrawg Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 No no no no no....I think this is a bad idea. She sounds like the type that would somehow turn around a nice letter like that and make you feel bad about it. Do you really want any more contact with this chick? It sounds like she really tortured you. Please don't go back for further abuse...respect yourself. You deserve better. I was thinking of writing her a good bye letter.Do you think that's a good idea. Just a letter to thank her for the good times and to wish her all the best in the future.No lines like 'I wish we were still together'or anything just a letter aknowleging the break up.I think it would give me some closure. What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparchitecht Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You have to decide if the closure the letter may bring is worth whatever possible flak comes out of it, and as unstable as she sounds, don't limit your imagination, any reverberation out of her will only prolong your healing process. I look for my closure silently, as a third party. I left my small town behind and got myself together after we graduated. Got a job, climbed the ladder, stock-piled money, got a nice place, then bought a house all by myself [guarantee I'm the only guy out of my grad class who left home at 19 penniless with a car full of clothes and a tank of gas and bought himself a house 3 years later]. Anyway, I'd just dip my ear into the round-town info whenever I went back home. I'd hear it from younger brothers, friends, parents, whoever. Seems every time I stopped to look around, I was farther 'ahead' in my life, and every time I caught her name in a conversation, she was still the pathetic mess she'd grown to be all through high school. Same antics. Same crap. Probably the same firecracker personality, but you dull that naturally as you age, especially when you abuse it and the people around you. That's where I got my closure, by finally getting to say "Boy, guess I was RIGHT." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anyway Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 So yeah mate, you were stuck with a girl like I had, and for some reason I too wish she was still there for me. Yeah, it's called "stockholm syndrome". Dr. Joe Carver wrote an interesting article about that on link removed. Cognitive dissonance also plays a huge role in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brazilgirl21 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Guys, nowadays, everyone has some sort of disorder. Either they are depressive, have anxiety, abandonement issues, all of us have something. I have anxiety/panic for example, but I take my meds and it never affected my bf or our relationship. We all had some sort of difficult upbringing. I would worry about people who have a disorder but do not recognize it or seek therapy... also, red flags to people who are manipulative and threaten self-harm if don't get what they want. Bi-polar can be treated, however, personality disorders such as Borderline are harder to treat as it is their PERSONALITY. Bottom line is, we all have our weaknesses and recognizing how your partner is determined to treat it and overcome it is the key to realize if the person is worth it, or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 She sounds like a real prize Regardless of any labels, her behavior to you was disrespectful. Spend the time you would have spend labelling her out looking for a better candidate. On topic, yes, she sounds disordered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Share Hate Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You already know that she (at least the way you see it) sounds like she was not the most ideal person to be in a relationship. And you are feeling bad for still missing her in spite of the list you put out. One thing you need to know is that I don't know about her diagnosis but you are pretty NORMAL with the way you feel. You just need time. If you want to read what some other people have been through in more abusive ways, I started a blog for them and I am sad to see how many people there are out there with serious relationship problems. It is link removed . Anyway as I said, take your time, and understand that things will be great for you in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Thank you all for all the kindness and support,again I'm so glad I stumbled accross this forum.She called me today to ask me how I was,I stayed strong and didn't blubber.She told me that the last two weeks she's felt relaxed(It's been living hell for me but she felt relaxed..lol) This made me feel bad for about 2 seconds than I actually felt more relaxed as it reiterated for me just how cold she is.I went out today did some work,looked good,felt more confident and calm.No tears today. I also realized by her being apart from me for two weeks it probabley felt like a vacation of sorts for her. You only can go on vacation so long until you miss home.I know that eventually she'll miss the good times too and maybe or maybe not want to come back to me.If she does I will never tolerate the way she use to treat me,her doing this to me woke up my soul and I will not tolerate being treated badly again.If she doesn't I know I'm a smarter,stronger person for it and will be on the lookout for the qualities I want in a girlfriend. This experience has been like emotional boot camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Thank you all for all the kindness and support,again I'm so glad I stumbled accross this forum.She called me today to ask me how I was,I stayed strong and didn't blubber.She told me that the last two weeks she's felt relaxed(It's been living hell for me but she felt relaxed..lol) This made me feel bad for about 2 seconds than I actually felt more relaxed as it reiterated for me just how cold she is.I went out today did some work,looked good,felt more confident and calm.No tears today. I also realized by her being apart from me for two weeks it probabley felt like a vacation of sorts for her. You only can go on vacation so long until you miss home.I know that eventually she'll miss the good times too and maybe or maybe not want to come back to me.If she does I will never tolerate the way she use to treat me,her doing this to me woke up my soul and I will not tolerate being treated badly again.If she doesn't I know I'm a smarter,stronger person for it and will be on the lookout for the qualities I want in a girlfriend. This experience has been like emotional boot camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishguy Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Had a bit of a breakdown over the weirdest thing,I started to feel pity and sorrow for my ex thinking that nobody will ever love her like me and be able to deal with all her problems.I started to worry maybe another man if he had to deal with this would harm her physically or that she might die alone due to her issues.This woman ripped the heart and soul out of my body and I'm worrying about her.I found myself praying for her instead of myself.Is this normal? I started to hope that maybe later in the future as a friend I could get her to get counselling or therapy to deal with her issues as I know that if she doesn't she will never be happy with anybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Had a bit of a breakdown over the weirdest thing,I started to feel pity and sorrow for my ex thinking that nobody will ever love her like me and be able to deal with all her problems.I started to worry maybe another man if he had to deal with this would harm her physically or that she might die alone due to her issues.This woman ripped the heart and soul out of my body and I'm worrying about her.I found myself praying for her instead of myself.Is this normal? I started to hope that maybe later in the future as a friend I could get her to get counselling or therapy to deal with her issues as I know that if she doesn't she will never be happy with anybody. Nothing you can do or say can "save" her or '"fix" her. That possibility is strictly between her and whatever help she willingly seeks. Ironically, when we stay around and try to help it impairs the process they need to go through to change themselves in any meaningful way. Best you can do is move on and let her be. If she realizes that she lost something truly valuable in you, it just might cause her to take steps to change her behavior, but again, there is nothing whatsoever you can do as the ex to hasten this process other than to fade out entirely. It's time for you to work on yourself and your life goals and to put hers behind you. Now is the time to be a little selfish and adopt an "it's all about you" attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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