xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to do this, as I've never kept an online journal before...Especially one that other people can see and comment on! I'm going to be completely honest here (with the exception of name changes here and there to protect my identity) and this will be as much an emotional journey as a physical one. So, here goes... Time: 10.32pm Current mood: Fiercely determined My name is YMB and I'm 20 years old. I will turn 21 in July. I'm about 174cm tall (about 5'7'') and I weigh 90kg (about 198 pounds...so you might as well say I'm 200lbs). I have never been "skinny", or "thin", ever. Not since I was a little kid. Since about the age of 14 I have always been the bigger one in the group. The "bigger" friend, the "bigger" colleague... I'm tired of it. I've put my foot down and this year made a new years resolution that I'm NOT going to be this size or weight by my 21st birthday. I'm just not. I've tried diets and exercise before, but as I have very little patience and even less motivation, it never lasted more than about a week. I want instant results (doesn't everybody?! ), and as nothing gives you instant results, I feel like there's no point, and instead of waiting patiently to see results, I give up. But not this time. I've had enough of being the fat one. Enough of saying I'll start a diet one day. Enough of saying I'll start exercising next week and never following through. Enough of feeling incredibly self conscious whenever I go out, to the point of staying at home and avoiding going out. Enough of feeling like I'm single because no guys want to date me because I'm fat. Enough!! I have added inspiration too - I am a bridesmaid in my friend Tahlia's wedding in October later this year. Tahlia and the rest of my bridesmaids (who are my closest, best friends) are all skinny and gorgeous. I want to look fantastic at the wedding and I want to just fit in with them and look "skinny" and "normal". I don't want to stand out, being the fat bridesmaid. There are going to be sooooo many pictures taken, and I want to look great in them. I want to be able to get copies for myself, and be proud to show people. Not cringe every time I look back at that time. Some extra oomph with that inspiration - Tahlia's fiance Mark is a friend of my ex's. They went to school together (Tahlia and I went to one high school, my ex and Mark went to a different one together). So he is a possibility on the guest list. I'm not sure if he's definitely invited, but if he is, I want to look damn good when he sees me walking up that aisle! Hehe. Yet more inspiration. I was on facebook earlier tonight, and came accross some new photos on my friend Sally's page. Sal has always been bigger like me. About the same size even, if not, a tiny bit smaller. She has recently started working out, and she's lost a heap of weight. She's skinny now! She looks fantastic! When I saw the pics I couldn't believe how great she looks. That gave me so much determination. If she can do it, so can I. So as of this month, I'm starting a diet and exercise plan. I'm not going to keep a food diary as such, just a general overview of whether or not I stuck to the diet and/or exercise for the day/week, whatever. I have 4 months to lose about 10kg (about 22lbs) before my birthday, and then about 3 months to lose about the same in time for the wedding. My goal weight (at this point in time) is 70kg (about 154lbs). I think it's achievable, and when I get to this weight, I'll re-assess and see whether or not I want/need to lose any more. I'm going to take it week by week, starting on a Saturday (tomorrow). I will weigh myself each Saturday, and report in here to keep track of my progress. The hardest thing about this won't be doing the exercise. It will be avoiding the bad foods. I have a habit of bingeing. I have a habit of sitting down to watch tv in the evenings with sweets - lollies, chocolate, chips, whatever. I don't eat whole packets of chips in the one go like I used to anymore, but I do eat a LOT of candy. I know it's bad for me but I eat it anyway. And I can't have, just say, 2 pieces of chocolate - I end up eating a whole block sometimes! I have little self control but I am so determined I'm going to beat this. This is hopefully going to be even more motivation for me to succeed. I have never kept a progress diary of any sort before, so it will be a good reference to have, to look back on the journey, and see how far I've come. Any comments, tips, advice, opinions etc are welcomed. Feel free to post if you wish. Riley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Time: 11 pm Current mood: Average So I went pretty well with the diet today. I had a couple of easter eggs, but I didn't eat the whole packet - I stopped at a couple. Yay! I did about an hour of exercise, doing my ab work dvd inside as it was raining (which I would have used as a perfect excuse not to exercise before - "it's raining, I can't go for a walk"). I burst into tears in the middle of the dvd, overwhelmed because it was burning so much (I'm soooooo unfit it's just not funny) and I just felt like I'm never going to be able to tone up. It's going to take sooooo long. I was rather depressed afterwards, and felt pretty lethargic (not to mention sore). A few hours later though, (now) I feel pretty good, and if I keep this up, I'm going to look great! Sal was in my head the whole dvd - she went through this, she toned up, she looks great. That's all I need to think about to get me through. So all in all, it was an ok day today. Tomorrow I won't be doing my dvd because it says never do it 2 days in a row, as whatever part of the body you worked (which was my whole body) needs a day to recover before attempting it again, so I will just go for a walk if it's not raining. If not, I'll just do some stair work, as I live on the second floor of my building and there are no lifts. I will just run up and down the stairs for as long as I can. So far so good. But it's only day 1. I can do this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Time: 2pm Current mood: Average Well I got up this morning and I am rather sore. LOL! Everywhere hurts, especially my legs. That's a good sign I guess - means I worked the muscles. I don't think I'll even go for a walk today I'm that sore, I'll just let my body recover, but I'll get right back to it tomorrow. Feeling pretty good about the whole losing weight thing now. Looked in the mirror and thought hey, maybe I don't have that much to lose (when it felt like I had about 500lbs to lose while doing the dvd yesterday). I am going to do this! I can do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Well I just talked to Sal about her amazing weight loss, and it turns out she's lost 19kg so far. So my goal of losing about 20 kgs is pretty realistic. She's lost 3 dress sizes in total, so I have a pretty good idea of where I'll be when I get to my goal weight. I am so inspired by her, and more determined than ever now. Feeling pretty positive! It's only day 2 but going well! No thoughts of giving up yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 Time: 10pm Current mood: Tired Well I did about 40 mins of intense work on my abs, arms, buns and thighs today. Totally wiped me out. Feel ok now though. Got into the easter eggs again today (this will be so much easier when Easter is over!) but hopefully burnt it off with the exercise, and stuck pretty well to healthy stuff the rest of the day. Can't wait for the week to be over so I can weigh myself and see if this is even working! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 8, 2009 Author Share Posted April 8, 2009 Time: 11.35pm Current mood: Tired Well I haven't had any time for exercise yesterday or today - I've been rushing from college to work, and then work to home (I work late nights) and crash into bed. I'm going for a walk tomorrow after college though. Weight update - I've lost 1.2kg (roughly 2.5lbs) since Saturday! (It's Wednesday night now). So that's encouraging! I'm hoping to have lost another kg by Sat so it will be 2.2 total. Fingers crossed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Time: 8.30pm Current mood: Tired and disappointed I didn't get to go for my walk today, as straight after college I had to bring a friend home with me to continue some work we didn't get time to finish in college, and that took up a good 2+ hours, and by the time she left it was dinner time and raining. I was exhausted after a big week and just wanted to have a shower and sit down. So I will go tomorrow now. I was rather frustrated, as I was looking forward to just coming home from college and going for a walk, but it couldn't be helped I guess. On the plus side, my friend said she can tell I'm starting to lose weight. She can see it around my middle. Yay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 Well, one week in and the total weight loss: 1.6kg. Not bad for doing little exercise and eating a heap of easter eggs during the week, hehe. Let's see if I can keep this up, or even better it in coming weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Time: 5.43pm Current mood: Fat Well I haven't written for a few days because I've been away on holidays for Easter. Speaking of Easter it has been soooooooooo hard to diet over the last few days when every time I turn around I see chocolate everywhere! I can't escape it! And my family (as usual) showered me with chocolate for Easter (as I did them) so I have 2 huge gift bags full of chocolate! Arrgh! I am going to just have a little bit every now and then. Not every day, and hopefully I should still have some left in a couple of months still - I WILL NOT BINGE ON IT! Went shopping yesterday and got in a foul mood because I was so depressed - nothing fit when I tried it on and I got rather upset. Clothes shopping is now off limits until I get down to the size I want to be. Even more motivation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxYoure My Butterflyxx Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 Time: 9.15pm Current mood: Disgusted Well the Easter festivities have not served me well. Instead of losing weight this week, I have put it on. So now I'm back to square one. No more chocolate for me and I'm going to have to work twice as hard this week now. I am so disappointed. But this is so hard!!! I can do it though, I'm still keeping positive. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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