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Do dumpees have the right to hurt the dumpers?


vertigoxo

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Like, having the dumpee ignore them, tell them they cheated on them while they were together, playing nasty mind games, etc.

 

So just because someone decides to end things with you, you have the right to hurt them?

 

Or is my ex just being a t w a t?

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Right!!! Ok - off they go!

 

image removed

 

I sent these goons to help another local forum member and they did a good job. I'll give them the order to obliterate your ex

 

Rofl, send some female goons to handle my ex gf's. One wrought a lot of mental anguish I still suffer from, and the other still impacts my life through a mutual friend.

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Getting dumped is one thing but going along with your revenge plan is another and thus if they decide to make a report on it then you can get in trouble.

 

Mind explaining me that? I got a little jumbled up, my apologies.

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Mind explaining me that? I got a little jumbled up, my apologies.

 

Well some people might go a bit wild after getting dumped and proceed on calling the dumper and coming up with wild, crazy ideas. Now the dumper in that case can report that and thus the dumpee gets in trouble.

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Well some people might go a bit wild after getting dumped and proceed on calling the dumper and coming up with wild, crazy ideas. Now the dumper in that case can report that and thus the dumpee gets in trouble.

 

 

I understand. I dumped my ex and he has done everything in his power to hurt me. Supposingly he doesn't care about me anymore, so haha... I have told people I'm starting to have feelings for him again, which I believe is normal during break ups, we all get confused... He then proceeded to tell our mutual friend that he cheated on me the last 2 months we were together, only to have another mutual friend telling me that he had to make me suffer so I can find a good reason to hate him and move on quicker. (The cheating thing was a lie)

 

I just think that he'd rather tell me the truth besides shooting me with these horrible anticts.

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Wow what a jerk, unlike my boyfriend. If were to break with him then I doubt he would do those sick mindgames.

 

He has done so much horrible things to me. He would laugh at my tears when I felt desperate for his touch, the touch I had for 1.5 years with him... It's so odd that after being with someone over a year, and he took just a few days to "get over me" suddenly and not care for me anymore?

 

He was hot and cold. Told people he want to get back with me in the future one day, the next he agreed there's no way in hell that it will happen. Or he'll want to hang out with me, only to blow me off. Or him balantally ignoring me as if he never knew me. Not to sound rude, but I was the reason his life got better; He used to smoke ciggarates half to death, used to hurt himself, and all of that, and I helped him out of the rut. And just because I thought it wasn't working out and ended him, besides him acting maturally about it, he went mad.

 

Sigh... love can be tough.

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Hm...I'm not really sure as to why that would be. I suppose it would be because the dumpee might have still had some sort of attachment towards the one who had broken up with them, and may get mixed emotions...Usually they're vindictive in nature or passive aggressive in some way, even if they don't realize it.

 

For example, girlfriend I had a few years ago started trying to become friends with everyone I knew when I had broken up with her, because I guess she felt the need to stay close to me in some fashion when she had inadvertedly been invading the space and privacy I felt necessary... I felt that was passive aggressive behavior.

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Hm...I'm not really sure as to why that would be. I suppose it would be because the dumpee might have still had some sort of attachment towards the one who had broken up with them, and may get mixed emotions...Usually they're vindictive in nature or passive aggressive in some way, even if they don't realize it.

 

For example, girlfriend I had a few years ago started trying to become friends with everyone I knew when I had broken up with her, because I guess she felt the need to stay close to me in some fashion when she had inadvertedly been invading the space and privacy I felt necessary... I felt that was passive aggressive behavior.

 

Creepy. But I guess loads of people go through with that; Just a few days ago, my ex asked someone how I was doing, which I found odd. Another friend told me, "He still cares for you as a friend."

 

And now he doesn't care at all anymore.

 

Ah well. Life is funny. All I know is if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Even if it takes days. Weeks. Months. Who knows... But that doesn't mean I'm going to have high hopes of him ever returning. I'm going to take my time, go NC, heal myself in every way possible, and move on. If it happens, great, if not, that's great too, cause that means I get to have a hot sexy new boyfriend.

 

We had a very wonderful relationship, full of love and intimacy. He was my first boyfriend, love, and sexual experience. Everyone always told us how adorable we looked together, how perfect we looked... He used to be my best friend, ever so sweet and loving and trusting...

 

Now he's a monster and I don't even know him anymore. Shocking what break ups can do the dumpers and dumpees.

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Well, now he's showing his true colours.

 

He's doing these things because he's hurt and wants to get back at you for hurting/leaving him. His ego's been bruised.

I know it's hard but try to ignore it all and he'll stop once he sees it's not bothering you [even though it will].

 

And no... neither the dumper or the dumpee has the right to hurt the other more than they are by leaving. If one is unhappy, leave and don't hurt more.

 

Do onto others as you would like other to do onto you.

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Sounds to me like's heartbroken and this is his way of dealing with it. Is it immature? Sure, but that's what being hurt can do to someone. When my ex left me, I wasn't as bad as your ex is being, but I said some really harsh things to him, and claimed to be over him after only a few days. It might not have been the right thing to do but it helped me with the pain a little. My advice is not to take it to heart too much, he's hurting too, just stay away and avoid contact, tell your friends that you don't want to know what he says to them about you or your relationship.

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Sounds to me like's heartbroken and this is his way of dealing with it. Is it immature? Sure, but that's what being hurt can do to someone. When my ex left me, I wasn't as bad as your ex is being, but I said some really harsh things to him, and claimed to be over him after only a few days. It might not have been the right thing to do but it helped me with the pain a little. My advice is not to take it to heart too much, he's hurting too, just stay away and avoid contact, tell your friends that you don't want to know what he says to them about you or your relationship.

 

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Is this recent?

 

Well, now he's showing his true colours.

 

He's doing these things because he's hurt and wants to get back at you for hurting/leaving him. His ego's been bruised.

I know it's hard but try to ignore it all and he'll stop once he sees it's not bothering you [even though it will].

 

And no... neither the dumper or the dumpee has the right to hurt the other more than they are by leaving. If one is unhappy, leave and don't hurt more.

 

Do onto others as you would like other to do onto you.

 

Thank you so much for the wise words, and I believe you two are correct, he must be hurting like hell right now, and this "take this, you b*tch!" attitude of his is his way of coping.

 

No matter. I feel quite terrible for the next girl he'll end up with and hurt her just as much-if not more- than he has done to me. God bless em'.

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It's just people's defense mechanisms. I wouldn't say it's "right" but still human and reality. I felt resentful of my ex until recently and probably will feel that way again from time to time (hopefully not). The dumpee wants to preserve the loss of control they experienced when you left them. Try to understand how they feel. It's a pretty standard reaction. Give them time and they should get over it. If not, well at least you aren't with them anymore.

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It's just people's defense mechanisms. I wouldn't say it's "right" but still human and reality. I felt resentful of my ex until recently and probably will feel that way again from time to time (hopefully not). The dumpee wants to preserve the loss of control they experienced when you left them. Try to understand how they feel. It's a pretty standard reaction. Give them time and they should get over it. If not, well at least you aren't with them anymore.

 

I understand... I just think the way he reacted was a bit too... heartless?

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Yeah, well if he's making your life a living hell, then he should definitely stop even if you have to step in and call the cops (or someone). But just the normal unhappy dumpee stuff (deleting you, complaining to friends), I would just ignore it because I'm sorry to say, we just act that way, some more than others. You could always try to talk to him and tell him to stop but sounds like he can't be reasoned with right now in this state and there might not be much you can do, sadly.

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