Do the Dumpers ever regret breaking up with their bf/gf

[ut804]

The only guy I may regret breaking up with was one in highschool. I didn't really feel the chemistry at the time. Years later he contacted me, and after being in several horrible relationships I realized that this guy had treated me the best, and he got cuter! I wish I could have gotten back with him. I tried talking to him on Facebook and maybe flirt with him a little to try and get him back, but some other girl chased after him and before I could make a move he is now with another girl and has been with her for 2 years or so now. And so I continued dating and moving on, only to date a really horrible abusive man.

So now I am kicking myself for letting such a great man go.

[quirky]

I regret not investing enough on one specific relationship. It was a rebound and I wasn't looking for something but I was attracted to him. I was not commiting properly, he got fed up eventually and lost interest. We went out for almost 18 months. I don't blame him, he had only hang aroung cos he had no relationship experience. But it was ironic..he started losing interest when I started having more interest. He's one of those guys that raised the bar and I have nothing bad to say about him. I am happy he's happy with someone else because he deserves it, I would still get bored with him long term because I didn't find him funny enough but truly great person.

[elephants]

I dumped the best girl I've ever met four years ago because I was selfish and depressed. She moved on, and rightly so. Everything since then has been trying to climb out of that hole.

 

I hope that my ex who dumped me a month ago for the same reasons will one day look back and feel this way. But I love him, and wish that he will realize it sooner than later, so we can work on things and be the great couple we used to be.

 

----

 

More on topic though, I did have an ex who broke up with me, and then made a fool out of himself begging me back after he found out that he no longer was my universe. He was always so complacent. He treated me horribly and would never admit to his faults even when I tried to talk to him about it. I was so patient and loving, but slowly I got fed up to the point that I started liking someone else. I even told him about it in hopes that he would be scared and try to treat me better, but he just scoffed and said that the guy I liked was ugly anyway (not true!). I ended up kissing that guy while drunk and when I told my ex, he broke up with me. I pleaded, of course, that I would make it up to him, etc. But he was adamant that I just leave and go find someone else. I did. And then a few weeks later, he was demanding for me to choose between him and the new guy I was seeing. I begged for him not to do that, but he wouldn't listen, so I chose the new guy. A few hours later, he was calling me on the phone begging for forgiveness. It went on for a few more months, but his 'good' behavior towards me only turned me off because it reminded me how badly he treated me when he knew he still had me. Long story short, he remains bitter to this day, though he's with someone else now. And I feel vindicated because at least I know in the end he paid dearly for all the pain he put me through.

[Zack808]

I can't say that I regret breaking up with her. It was a very toxic relationship. Issues from the past pretty much ruined our future in every way. Sometimes you just have to think with your head and not with your heart. We both haven't heard a single word from each other since the BU almost 4 months ago, a good thing.

[Donovan79]

I hope that my ex who dumped me a month ago for the same reasons will one day look back and feel this way. But I love him, and wish that he will realize it sooner than later, so we can work on things and be the great couple we used to be.

 

Funny thing is that after I broke up with my prior ex (in July), which I did for a large part because we were in an LDR, she lingered for 4-5 months also seemingly hoping we would fix it. She even begged me to come visit her one last time over Christmas. I made some lame excuse. That was about when she'd had enough, and two months later she was dating someone new and stopped instantly responding to my calls or emails. It wasn't until then and the time afterward that I really realised what I'd lost. It took 100% not having it available anymore for me to have to face it. We each probably have to do the same, which is why whether you want to heal or secretly get them back, NC is the only way to go.

[elephants]

Funny thing is that after I broke up with my prior ex (in July), which I did for a large part because we were in an LDR, she lingered for 4-5 months also seemingly hoping we would fix it. She even begged me to come visit her one last time over Christmas. I made some lame excuse. That was about when she'd had enough, and two months later she was dating someone new and stopped instantly responding to my calls or emails. It wasn't until then and the time afterward that I really realised what I'd lost. It took 100% not having it available anymore for me to have to face it. We each probably have to do the same, which is why whether you want to heal or secretly get them back, NC is the only way to go.

 

My mom tells me the same thing. My ex broke up with me for personal issues-- basically, I got the "It's not you, it's me. I don't know why, but I don't feel the same anymore. There's something wrong with me." He asked for NC on the day of our break up but he has broken it several times. I used to reply and be friendly, but my mom told me to stop being so available to 'shake up his sense of security'. After reading a lot of things on here, I decided to follow my mom's advice. I've gone total NC for 7 days now. I don't know if this counts, but he kind of broke NC again by liking one of my recent Facebook posts. No way I'm reacting to that, though.

 

My ex had always found it easy to move on from his previous girlfriends by going total NC, but he had been with them for only 3 months. Ours was his first serious, long-term relationship, and if he's applying the same tactics thinking it will be as effective, he might be in for a surprise. Unless he's all stone and completely heartless, I don't think he'll be able to just move on from me like he did with his past flings. (Or maybe that's my pride talking, haha)

 

 

[skyler276]

Dumping someone you know cares about you always make you feel dirty... its normal I think unless you have no soul XD

[Donovan79]

elephants, I'm curious why you're keeping him as a contact on FB. Being able to see each others posts and the rest every day isn't really NC, you start thinking about what you're going to write and post and how the other will react to it. Plus, if you see him start talking to another girl or even posting pics of her, are you going to be okay?

 

I know it's so hard to do, but do you disagree it's going to be easier to heal faster and move on if you aren't seeing what he's up to every day?

[elephants]

elephants, I'm curious why you're keeping him as a contact on FB. Being able to see each others posts and the rest every day isn't really NC, you start thinking about what you're going to write and post and how the other will react to it. Plus, if you see him start talking to another girl or even posting pics of her, are you going to be okay?

 

I know it's so hard to do, but do you disagree it's going to be easier to heal faster and move on if you aren't seeing what he's up to every day?

 

Well, I've kept him as a contact on Facebook because that's what we agreed on during the break up. I think he has restricted my access to his page though, so I can't really see his updates. I guess I was playing the friend card. I wanted him to know that I'm available if he needs me, which I now know probably isn't the best way to go. I'm planning to delete him soon, perhaps tonight. I'm just trying to build up the courage to do so. It's so scary, especially since I'm not really sure why I want to delete him. Is it because I want to heal or because I want to 'shock' him into the reality that I am no longer available? I still want to get back together with him. I'm just scared that I will be deleting him with subconscious expectations, which isn't healthy at all.

[Stay_home]

Question for those that have dumped their bf/gf. Did you ever regret your decision to breakup and how you went about it??

 

One relationship in particular, yes, I regret how cold and selfishly I acted. I wish I would've considered her feelings about things and what she was going through at the time. I thought my feelings were more important than her's. Sometimes I feel as if since that breakup, I've been trying to make it right. I've changed my approach at dating and realized that it's not just about me.

[markie6]

Never regretted any of the few times I have dumped anybody. Even a couple of times I have been dumped I have not regretted it after a few weeks. Then of course you get the long nasty ones, that can cause problems a few years later. I have been chased by a couple who dumped me, quite hard but have never wanted to go back to them. Once bitten.....

[NANNYSTUDENT]

Reading this thread.... I know that 100% disappearance is what must happen. For myself and for him. Because it is clear that right now isn't happening. I need to start finding myself again and let him find whatever he is looking for.... but he won't find it if I am always 3 miles away with a heart full of love. Time to cut the cord.... LA here I come!

[jemmapark]

Did you delete him from the social network nightmare that is facebook?? I deleted mine and felt great after it. As for dumpers regretting their decision, it all depends on circumstances I guess. I almost finished it with mine then he begged for a second chance only to say the following day that he thought we should call it quits...Not sure where he fits in to the "will he ever regret" scenario?? A part of me hopes one day he will, but not for us to get back together, I guess I just want karma to bite his butt! Lol Sounding bitter? Yes. But I guess that'll subside pretty soon.

[Doc Blaze]

i regret dumping one of my ex's freshmen year of college. I actually tried to contact her twice and fix things but she wants nothing to do with me ever again..she said i hurt her to much and doesnt want to go through that again. I dont blame her i dumped her for another girl and then i got played..

 

and my recent ex has not told me personally but has told her friend who is like a sister to me that she thinks she made a big mistake by breaking up with me.my ex is too pride ful and stubborn to admit it ...she broke up with me because he feels we are at different pts in our lives...i agrreed with her..i was willing to work with it..she thought it would make things harder down the line ..

[jemmapark]

I guess the main thing for the dumpees is to not dwell too much on whether the dumpers will ever regret their decision. Most will get to a point where they don't care whether they are gonna end up regretting it.. And at that moment, that's the good bit! You don't care either way and as much as I'm getting to that point, I'm obviously just not quite there yet if I'm looking up posts on whether they regret their decision. Bah humbug!

[mg22]

Dumping someone you know cares about you always make you feel dirty... its normal I think unless you have no soul XD

Funny but true about the no soul part, i doubt my ex ever considered the 5 years we were together, he dumped me and never contacted me again, hes replaced me the day he dumped me. maybe some people regret it but some people dont give a damm !

[secondchance67]

Its who they are and the mindset they have....some people look at everyone as expendable and replaceable.....the need to upgrade and have that immediate need for " better" that drives them to dump you and move on quickly. ( sometimes they are with the new person BEFORE they dump you..taking a "test drive" )

 

It isn't really about whether or not they feel regrets, its more about how good they feel about the decision they made at the time....and how they cope with it, one way or the other.

 

I think there is a grey area between "missing someone" and "regretting the decision" if you are the dumper......it is different for everyone and every situation.

 

I am sure there are dumpers who are in new R/S's and miss their old partner , but know they made the right decision ( in their eyes) and don't necessarily regret it or wish to change it.............the memories trigger them to miss us....but the resolve to stick with the decision is the strong emotion.

 

There is a limit to how much a person is willing to put into a R/S........the imbalance and incompatibility of that necessary ingredient in a R/S leads to its demise over time, as the 2 people realize the incompatibilities in their mindsets.

[Mizz]

My ex seems to be regretting it. He contacted me after 3 weeks of NC, wanting to be friends. But now feelings are getting involved and it's getting messy. I'm tempted to just say, forget it.

 

I’m almost in a similar situation. After my BU a little over a month ago as he was ending it he said all the cheesy vague things that seem stereotypical like “it’s not you it’s me” and “I still love you. we can still be friends. But I need to be alone right now, not with anyone” and didn’t want to talk about it. He was crying as it ended and it was actually a pretty impulsive decision on his behalf. There wasn’t exactly a clear straight answer for why he ended it.

 

There was NC right after, I didn’t beg or plead during the break up nor any point after. I didn’t send him anything he didn’t send anything to me, til he called me a few days later and I was curious what he had to say. He went on about how he just can’t be with me, he’s not ready for anything “serious” even though we had been together for 2 years. How he “Everyone was asking questions about my future and got overwhelmed and didn’t want to do any of it anymore” and how he “loved me as a friend but not as a gf anymore” and that he was happy and he wanted me to be too. To me it seemed like he had been overly trying to show that he was so happy, like so happy that it almost seemed fake or like it was too fast to get over me. But anyway after that NC was in place again for my own sake of healing. I deleted him from everything and it felt great to reflect and get myself emotionally under control/stronger.

 

A few weeks later I came to realize things weren’t as great as I thought they were, we had a lot of unaddressed issues before it ended and I was stressed/not as happy and he was also overwhelmed with school, things going on in his life, he didn’t mention it but would say things regarding friends or time apart and doing other things so I think he wanted a little more time for himself and to see his friends but he also still wanted to make me happy and he didn’t know how to balance all of that, on top of all of that I wasn’t as happy and he noticed too and it also started to bring him down even more. Thing is, I had doubts if the relationship was working a few weeks before he even ended it. I didn’t voice my concerns and neither did he until it all became too much and just ended.

 

In a couple weeks time of no contact I accepted that it was over and set things on good terms between us. I had told him to send me a friend request on FB and he did. We started talking a bit more since then and each conversation has so far been pleasant.

 

I saw him last weekend, Saturday, we made plans to see each other for the first time since everything. And it was a bit confusing. He was wearing a shirt I got him from when we were dating, he was gazing at me from time to time (just the way he would look at me in general), smiling, making jokes and trying to get me to laugh and looking over to see my reaction, trying to get my attention, showing he cared by doing things like getting me food, making sure I wasn’t hungry, paying attention to what I was saying, asking if my feet were ok when we were walking far, told me to “be careful” when I almost fell (I’m clumsy), opened the car door for me, the way he almost grabbed my hand twice and stopped himself, the two longer hugs he initiated.

 

I wasn’t quite sure, but he wanted to just be “friends” after breaking up yet how he was acting when I was with him, it almost seemed like he had interest in me again. Oh, not to mention his house still had pictures of us together around, his room still had things like all the cards I gave him when we were dating on the same shelf and art I had made for him hanging up like a portrait of us I drew in graphite. He kept everything. but I was and am being cautious about it because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

 

We talk sometimes but I felt like I have initiated a lot of the contact since things have been on better terms, though a few times he has on his own, but it never seemed random, it’d mostly be when I’d tell him specifically when to. Though if I text him or contact him he never ignores me, talks, and they’re nice/lengthy conversations. Otherwise on his own I’d always say “text me whenever you want and days would go by and he wouldn’t.

 

But I brought that up when I saw him Saturday, I wasn’t complaining or rude about it but it was kind of in a joking way, which he knows my humor and he said "well I wouldn't text you like every day. wouldn't that seem desperate? so I'd just text you later in the week" ... Which I guess he was sort of saying he didn’t/doesn’t want to appear desperate so that’s why.

 

So at times it’s confusing, I think he has some feelings though and may regret it based on how he was around me, though I am not sure, I have some feelings too but don’t know how to go about any of this. I don’t know if he’s just being shy (cause he can be) or if he’s afraid of moving too fast or what could happen or what’s going on. I don’t know how he exactly feels. So at times it’s almost a little discouraging so I can at times also think “forget it!”. I’m trying to see where things go yet not getting my hopes up too high just in case. Overall it’s just like I don’t know how to go about everything sometimes, and it can be confusing, so I can have that “it seems pointless, forget it” attitude. It may be worth a shot though. I won’t know til I figure out how to approach it all more as time goes on.

[OneSadPuppy]

I don't regret any dumpings I did in the past.

It was something that needed doing at that time.

 

What I sometimes wish, is I'd have met that person at a different time in my life where the obstacles no longer existed or I'd matured into a person that would appreciate more what the dumpee had to offer.

 

OSP

[jemmapark]

Take back all the happy clappy jibber jabber I wrote about how I've been happier since I've removed him from fb. Mutual friend decides to tell me he has made his profile public. When I first deleted him it really was great because the way he had his settings, I was unable to message him which felt good for me as I would hate to come home drunk and do the god awful drunken message drivel. I had a nosey and he talks of feeling miserable etc. why the fluck is he doing this now?!?!?!? I was soooo getting there and now I get hit with this garbage. So, begs the question.. Should I go for a direct block??? Meh

[resilient7]

Mine obviously doesnt,thats fine.Someone said hindsight is 20/20...sure,I'll go with that.

[Dinocaz]

probably some do but fact remains most that dump rarly return. and this question of do they regret begs another ? what does it matter ? the damage has been. part of why we want our exs back is to stop the pain or get even. other reasons of course and most of them not valid.

[ken0001]

I didn't regret the breakup I made with my very first GF who I had dated for 4 years.

 

The reason to this is that I caught her cheating THRICE. The 2nd one was the most embarrassing for me. She sent me a text that was meant for her number two. The content of the text were somewhat like this:

 

"I'll talk to you later babe. The original one is calling." WTH. Original one? Hahahah. After that I broke up with her. Then I pleaded to choose me over the new guy. She didn't.

 

Went NC for 3 months, lo and behold she came back to me. I accepted her again.

 

After 2 yrs of being together again, she repeated her mistake for the 3rd time. And at that moment I just said to her in a very calm but 100% sure way to never contact me in any way, never even mention my name, then I broke up with her.

 

That was about 3 years ago.

 

It all depends in the circumstance of the relationship if you'll regret it or not. In that particular relationship, she's the one who's having regrets because she knows that I did everything and anything to make it work.

 

But now, I'm in another break up with someone who I dated for 3yrs and 3 months (well, this relationship is after my 4 yrs one. I'm the kind of guy who doesn't go and does rebounds or go for flings. I'm very serious when it comes to relationships. Not that too serious when it comes to freewill for each other. But I don't tend to screw the both of us). I'm close to our 2 months Post BU. I don't even know if she's regretting we broke up or not. But frankly I don't care anymore.

 

Just like my first LTR, I did everything and anything to make it work (though there was no third party involved). I was even gonna propose to her. But she ended it. It was rough at the first few weeks. But now, after putting NC into effect, I frankly don't care anymore. This is our 2nd time of rough breakup. That made me thinking that maybe God doesn't want us to be together. Because the first time she broke up with me, it was out of pure nonsense. But she came back after 7 long months. Not that I'm counting that she's gonna come back again after that time table. I don't care.

 

Unless destiny or God would have his way for the both of us, then why not?? But as it stands, right now, I'm being as happy as I can be.

[resilient7]

ken001-Why did she end it this time?

[Donovan79]

You've got courage and faith man. I'm not sure I could ever consider marriage with a girl who took 7 months to come back.