Friend's Birthday party...normal?

[KG]

Last Saturday she threw herself a 29 year BD party at the local bar. I missed it, fortunately!

 

I saw her last night, she showed me pics. One of her buddy's brought in a stripper pole, and the pics were of her, grinding against the pole, against other girls and guys. No clothing was missing, but she honestly looked like a cheap stripper.

 

And dancing with a vibrator that someone got for her, rubbing her best friend with it!

 

Is this nuts, or what? She used to be a nice girl, but I'm horrified that she has turned into this low class skank. Last night she was wearing a shirt covered with FU's all over it, jeans split under the cheeks, and a Playboy bunny beret. And the shirt was 3 sizes too small for her....

 

Am I old fashioned, or does this sound normal for a 29 year old, single mom with 2 kids?

[ButterflyWrists]

I guess she just needed to get a bit of sexual fun... But I wouldn't like to know a friend did that either, so.... Lol and I'm 18....

[paintedfish]

Well there are probably plenty of single mom strippers... so statistically it's not too strange. Lol.

 

That being said, I guess that, as a 29 year old woman, whether she has kids or not, she can cut loose however she wants. If she's showing you pictures, she obviously doesn't see anything wrong with it. No kids were there, I'd say no harm no foul.

 

Though take comfort in the fact that it isn't your cup of tea. It certainly doesn't sound like a classy affair.

[bmwm3]

Guess its not really about the age bit more about the person...

 

sounds like she was having fun... this was fun to her. it might be different for you...

 

I wouldnt want my wife or gf doing this at a bar...if she wanted to ride a stripper pole at the privacy of my home it would be different..

[CallingAllAngels]

This does NOT sound like the behavior of a RESPONSIBLE 29 year old mother.

[DN]

It's normal for her - but clearly not for you. So steer clear.

[blue69]

Why do people get so wrapped up in judging others promiscuous behaviors?

 

So she is more open than you. So what.

 

People should be allowed to be themselves. Enjoy their bodies, enjoy their sexuality, enjoy life.

 

Nobody says you should be that way. So why should we tell her how to behave?

 

I guess I don't get why so many people are more worried about actions from somebody else. You may not like it. You may not agree with it. But why judge someone and label them a skank or cheap stripper?

 

And this behavior has nothing to do with what kind of mom she is or how responsible she is.

 

Its an opinion based on morality, and quite frankly nobody can say for certain if that is right or wrong. Thank goodness we don't all act and behave the same ways. What a boring world we would live in.

 

Good luck. Support your friend by not being judgemental.

 

Guilt, shame, insecurity... these are negative things given to others in order to control them and make them conform to others ideas.

[ColorBlue]

EXCELLENT post, I can't add anything more than repeating what you said to this. As long as no one is harmed, and she's still a responsible adult, whats the harm? A lot of people are too uptight about what they should or shouldn't do. Now, I don't think I'd do what she was doing but I can sure appreciate the fact that she's having fun. I think that's where you should try to sit if you want to have a better friendship.

[KG]

"Guilt, shame, insecurity... these are negative things given to others in order to control them and make them conform to others ideas."

 

I'm not insecure, just seems like strange behaviour, is all. And some at the party were strangers. And so you think it's acceptable to use a vibrator on a female friend, and have your pic taken in public ?

 

And wearing a shirt that says " **** you " all over it in a grocery store, is OK also?

[yellowcal]

definitely not something i'd be doing.

 

She sounds like she may be realizing she isn't such a young chic anymore (given 29 isn't old by any means) but seems she is trying to compensate for her "age" by acting and dressing like a teenager or young adult would.

[laisla]

"Guilt, shame, insecurity... these are negative things given to others in order to control them and make them conform to others ideas."

 

I'm not insecure, just seems like strange behaviour, is all. And some at the party were strangers. And so you think it's acceptable to use a vibrator on a female friend, and have your pic taken in public ?

 

And wearing a shirt that says " **** you " all over it in a grocery store, is OK also?

 

KG, you're not wearing it, so what's the problem? there are people who do this.

[yellowcal]

"Guilt, shame, insecurity... these are negative things given to others in order to control them and make them conform to others ideas."

 

I'm not insecure, just seems like strange behaviour, is all. And some at the party were strangers. And so you think it's acceptable to use a vibrator on a female friend, and have your pic taken in public ?

 

And wearing a shirt that says " **** you " all over it in a grocery store, is OK also?

 

That is a bit much and quite disrespectful. Especially for a mother to be doing it. If I saw someone wearing something like that in a public grocery store i'd probably end up saying something to them. I'm sorry, disrespect yourself all you want and make a fool of yourself in astrip club but a public store where children are all around? That is freakin ridiculous. The rest of the stuff is her prerogative, if she wants to be trashy let her be.

[jengh]

definitely not something i'd be doing.

 

She sounds like she may be realizing she isn't such a young chic anymore (given 29 isn't old by any means) but seems she is trying to compensate for her "age" by acting and dressing like a teenager or young adult would.

 

Yeah, that's pretty much my thoughts on this as well. Sounds pretty trashy to me but to each their own I guess.

[Perfect Dark]

Sounds like an attention seeker.

[Miss Firecracker]

Some people don't age gracefully. She's freaking out about approaching 30 more than likely. I feel sad for her.

[amipushy]

Some people don't age gracefully. She's freaking out about approaching 30 more than likely. I feel sad for her.

 

Thats what I thought too.

[blue69]

"Guilt, shame, insecurity... these are negative things given to others in order to control them and make them conform to others ideas."

 

I'm not insecure, just seems like strange behaviour, is all. And some at the party were strangers. And so you think it's acceptable to use a vibrator on a female friend, and have your pic taken in public ?

 

And wearing a shirt that says " **** you " all over it in a grocery store, is OK also?

 

I wasn't trying to say you were insecure. I said these are things that are given to others. Meaning society has its way of inserting guilt and shame into someone in an attempt to control their behaviors.

 

I don't judge you or even think your opinions are wrong. You don't have to "like" "agree" with your friend. There is a difference between having different styles, personalities and view points and judging someone else. Not your cup of tea. That is cool. Makes you uncomfortable? Then tell her that. But don't try to label her a skank and cheap stripper. Not sure if you can see the difference between judging someone else and having a different view point.

 

Anyways.. wish you and your friend (if you still view her that way) the best of luck.

[DN]

Is not admonishing someone for being judgmental being judgmental in itself?

[KG]

I wasn't trying to say you were insecure. I said these are things that are given to others. Meaning society has its way of inserting guilt and shame into someone in an attempt to control their behaviors.

 

I don't judge you or even think your opinions are wrong. You don't have to "like" "agree" with your friend. There is a difference between having different styles, personalities and view points and judging someone else. Not your cup of tea. That is cool. Makes you uncomfortable? Then tell her that. But don't try to label her a skank and cheap stripper. Not sure if you can see the difference between judging someone else and having a different view point.

 

Anyways.. wish you and your friend (if you still view her that way) the best of luck.

 

This is not really who she is, and the impression she gives out will stay for a long time. This is sooo not her. I don't know what she is thinking.

 

Is not admonishing someone for being judgmental being judgmental in itself?

 

Now this made my head spin....

[Kantriakhor]

Is not admonishing someone for being judgmental being judgmental in itself?

 

Took the words out of my mouth.

[blue69]

Is not admonishing someone for being judgmental being judgmental in itself?

 

Actually there is a difference between giving an opinion on a matter and judging someone's behavior. Thought you knew better than this.

 

I gave some points to think about. If she chose to disregard those I think nothing less of her. If she is content in her beliefs than so be it. I don't believe I "admonished" her, but feel free to point out where that might have come accross.

 

I try to encourage people to sometimes view things a bit differently. I don't think I labled her in any negative context. That would be judging.

[rocio]

This post is several days old but I'll respond anyway. KG, it seems like your friend might be going through a difficult time and be in need of some encouragement. I don't know whether she's more of a friend, acquaintance or romantic interest. But if she truly is a friend, then how about finding out if she needs someone to talk to?

[DN]

Actually there is a difference between giving an opinion on a matter and judging someone's behavior. Thought you knew better than this. :smile:

 

And the difference is? Is not a judgment formed from an opinion? Similarly "I thought you knew better than this" is also a judgment.

 

The fact is that when you express an opinion on someone's behaviour, as you did with the OP, you are expressing a judgment. If you believe one shouldn't judge, you shouldn't express the opinion.

 

However, I understand it is hard to accept that "he who lives in a glasshouse shouldn't throw stones".

[JadedStar]

KG, i agree with Miss F. Sounds like an early mid life crisis to me. Terrified of approaching 30. Yea, it's sad.

 

But why are you so upset and/or concerned? I guess i am unclear as to your relationship with her? Casual friend? Someone you dated ?

 

Either/or, this is really all her choice. If you are frowning on her behavior remove yourself from her life. That is all you can do. If you go to her with lecturing she will just migrate away from you anyway.

[KG]

This post is several days old but I'll respond anyway. KG, it seems like your friend might be going through a difficult time and be in need of some encouragement. I don't know whether she's more of a friend, acquaintance or romantic interest. But if she truly is a friend, then how about finding out if she needs someone to talk to?

 

She is a friend, who has gone through a divorce last year. She used to be very mild mannered, but now just acts very cheap. As if she's trying to prove she's still hot. Which she is. Nothing romantic with us, BTW.

And since her split, she has picked up "bad boys", whio use her, then dump her. So then, she acts out, I think, to show them what they're missing. I've tried talking to her...."you're just jealous that I'm gettin' some, and you're not.!