ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 yeah they come when we least expect them, I'm watching true blood and something said in it reminds me of my ex, she has an awesome way of saying sanguinister(not sure of spelling), my ex says some things just sound so amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Bloody hell, get out of my head, please! Andthen left side and right side start to fight each other, each of them defending their own cause, its making my head and mind hurt. And those small things like you said trigger this thoughts and its just too freakingmuch, iam letting it out ere, 'cause it feels most appropriate. I guess i am too considerate,that was one of the problems or my actions lead to BU. Damn, always thinking too much what close circle ( which means parents mostly ) will think and probably i came out as a fu***** indecisive. Its just filling my head right nowthe thought of her not being around, i dont know. And thethought of her not caring and not sharing similar feelings, i dont know. I tend to switch moods pretty quickly i guess. Not in a good one atm, but it will pass, i am sure. Deep breath, me. Bla bla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 let it all out, we can't change the past only the future, i keep telling myself this and just not putting it into practice, we have our problems, we can work on them, if only we knew all of them to work on. I'm thinking of taking up meditation, something to clear my mind, blasting music, movies to drown out the noise in my head doesn't work so maybe something on the other end of the scale will help. filling your head with the thought of not being around her, this might sound stupid, i love my ex, id die for her, but when i get those thoughts, i think what she did to me, what she dropped for someone else, and what she is doing to me now. and it gives me the motivation to get through it, among everyone here, its hard and it hurts to do, i wanna just run to my ex's house and knock on the door, squeeze her kiss her on the lips and hope to god that she feels something, i hold that back every time i saw her, just that the 1 kiss would change her thoughts, make her see who i am, i know its corny and probably dumb. all the bad things she does use it as motivation i guess I'm trying to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xmen777 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 yeah they come when we least expect them, I'm watching true blood and something said in it reminds me of my ex, she has an awesome way of saying sanguinister(not sure of spelling), my ex says some things just sound so amazing. Same here, turned on the tv and saw some sherlock whose quirks reminded me of my ex, so I turned it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 damn i didn't think of turning it off O.o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 you got a point there. thinking of all the bad stuff or bad situations might do the trick, but the way i see it, of course she did leave she did not give solid or for me satisfying explanation, maybe i can hold that as a bad thought, but other than that there was really nothing that bad, i am not making excuses i am just saying its hard to find something, but i guess whatever she did, will have to do it. for my sake. yes alternatives and going into another direction might do the trick of distracting ones bad thoughts. and then like you said, a hopeless romantic's scenario, just one kiss and that might do it. i know, i am the same. for crying out loud! thx CE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 when i was hanging out with my ex, id always be looking at her just talking, she'd be like whats wrong you look ilke your about to cry, she noticed id be looking at her lips, she's like don't cry, it'll just make things weird. everytime i looked i just wanted to kiss her, she bought some lipstick(red) knowing it was my fav colour she put it on and ask me how it looked if it suited her, i nearly broke down into tears every time, and she knew why. I'm a hopeless romantic. she thinks I'm this typical guy, like who she is with, that I'm just after her body, and thats all i see. never was it like that, was always her eyes, her lips, cheeks, her hair. omg stop stop.. i am tempted the next time i see her to just go for it, to kiss her hold her if she reacts in a good way fine, if its pulling away and she says she doesn't want to talk to me, i guess nothing would be any different, as id probably be in NC anyway. but then again i think of doing that and my heart pounds thinking that id never talk to her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brickheart Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Dude, that's terrible. She's totally manipulating you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 yeah i know she was at the time, thats why I'm going NC, this was a couple of weeks ago and i chose to not be treated like a doormat.. i knew she was doing it and a lot of other things, that she wouldn't just do around friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks C.E. for few more reminders. Kidding. But seriously, this small things or details make other person unique and appealing are just another set of freaking reminders whats not here. I remember feeling so freaking calm when she would fall asleep right next to me andehen shewas the first thingi saw when i woke up. Ok i am gonna stop now and go make me a bloody drink, bcs this is not cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 yeah sorry i can't help it, lets try some other topic lol.. hate having these reminders in my head, not able to get them out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 so what i was thinking, let me sell everything i have and just leave. Selling and renting surf board on Bali for crying out loud off topic: where would u go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie176 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Day 17 HI guys and gurls Feeling a lot better today than yesterday, had a wee cry last night for the first time in a good few weeks and i think that made me feel a bit better. Still miss him but i am sort of just falling into this new life without him. What other choice do i really have huh? 17 days is not long really, but since he told me about her nearly 7 weeks ago, time has slowed down so for me 17 days is a long long time lol. I have to be proud of myself for getting this far i think. I dont know what else to add here for todays entry really, i feel like i am just repeating myself Hoping you are all hanging in there xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 hmm i had that same thought, sell everything cut all ties, and just move, let my ex chase me down if she truly wanted to know me.. hmm where would i go, id probably go somewhere nice and warm. hawaii? i dunno its a tough one.. so many places brings bad memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Clap Clap, thats a new record, right? We are all repeating ourself sometime, since we r posting quite frequently, no worries. time changes yes, apparently what seems a month to us, seems like two weeks to them, so there is a not so good explanation keep it up, u r doing great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 What i realised though CE, it doesnt matter where we move, the thoughts are still there, we can fu***** move to Antarctica and it wouldnt help if our mind is twisted. But yeah some place warm, I would have to go with California or thinking more exotic Virgin Island or Bali perhaps, anywhere where its cheap really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie176 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Cheers g3 xxx If i could pack up and leave i would bugger off to Texas Find me a cowboy and live on a beautiful ranch, spend evenings sitting on the porch, on a swinging chair watching the sunset...ahhhhhhh bliss. I love England but this constant grey sky and rain is pissing me off. Its supposed to be summertime! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 good to hear your feeling better blondie a cry is good, i think i need another one, maybe i'll go find a really romantic movie to watch. you have the right idea, there is no choice, its his loss, you make your new life and make him fit into it, on your terms. i can't imagine 17days, i restarted I'm back at day 1, contact with my ex messed me up more then i thought it did, was ok then as time went on it got worse. if your repeating yourself IMO its a good thing reminding you that you have done it for the previous 16 days, and you can do it for another 16. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Blondie I know, but didnt you get used to it already? Well frankly i am in London lets say once or twice a year so that doesnt bother me that much, but Texas does sound nice too, with ranch and all, i wouldn't marry a cowboy though hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 you all have such interesting places to travel too, i live in australia, dust dust and more dust, boring states.. I'm thinking a move accross the world would be awesome. texas. hmm never thought about that. cowgirl.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 CE. its funny 'cause from my point of view Australia is still a destination I haven't visit, but on a side note i have a friend who is moving down because she joined this programme "doctors without borders" or what is it called. What about New Zealand, been there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 really thats kewl, everyone wants to visit australia.. all we want to do is get out of here lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g3m1nn1 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 well you are really far away, thats true, its like 24h flying from here, but i guess we all live in different places and want to leave them every so often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConfusingEx Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 yeah i really have to plan a trip away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie176 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 good to hear your feeling better blondie , a cry is good, i think i need another one, maybe i'll go find a really romantic movie to watch. you have the right idea, there is no choice, its his loss, you make your new life and make him fit into it, on your terms. i can't imagine 17days, i restarted I'm back at day 1, contact with my ex messed me up more then i thought it did, was ok then as time went on it got worse. if your repeating yourself IMO its a good thing reminding you that you have done it for the previous 16 days, and you can do it for another 16. Thanks CF xxx Crying releases bad toxins from the body, i could feel that cry coming on for a few days tbh, you know when you get that lump in the throat when you're upset or stressed? I had that for a few days, then i broke down last night and its gone. I think crying is therapeutic, although it doesnt feel like it at the time lol I did all i could do already regarding him, i totally embarrassed myself by losing complete control of myself the day he told me about her and then again when i broke NC the first time at day 12.... thankfully the second time i broke NC at day 13 i was ( on the outside) completely together , so at least his last memory of me is not of me crying like a lunatic I have found though that each time i broke NC ( well twice) its been easier going back into NC. I guess because time is passing by. Hang on in there xxx Blondie I know, but didnt you get used to it already? Well frankly i am in London lets say once or twice a year so that doesnt bother me that much, but Texas does sound nice too, with ranch and all, i wouldn't marry a cowboy though hahaha Yeh i am very used to the weather here lol I am English, we like to complain about the weather, its one of our things he he he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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