THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Loxxt]

I second what bite said... facebook is like pouring salt on an open wound.

 

For all you heartbroken folk debating whether or not to block them... do it. Believe me, I know it hurts seeing pics and statuses. God knows I didn't like seeing the chick my ex cheated on me and left me for writing "I love you" a few days after he left me. Do it for yourself. I can tell you without a doubt I don't regret it. I deleted him as a friend twice and blocked him once. The first time I deleted him I regretted it and it was a week after he left. I was afraid he'd think I was mad at him (I know, I was stupid then) and he'd not want to talk to me so I told him I did it when I was mad and didn't mean it. I added him back right after and he excepted it. A couple weeks later I deleted and blocked him, gave him no notice. Sure it was hard at first because I wanted to see what he was doing but I knew I'd just end up hurting myself in the end.

 

Trying, I know how you feel. It's been going on 4 months since he walked away from an almost 4 yr relationship. It hurts and I was baffled at how little it and I seemed to mean. Really though, there's no way to tell what they're thinking. I know it's said here all the time but try to focus on yourself because I've learnt that sometimes my imagination is worse than reality. Try not to think of what she's thinking or doing. Focus on what matters and what's concrete and right now that's you.

 

P.S. You guys make me blush. haha. Thanks for the complements

[Loxxt]

Interesting ... you have made me think about it I mean she's deleted off my FB and stuff but I still feel her dwelling and trying non direct contact off mutual friends every time we talk but after all these months she hasn't put a pic of both of them why is that ? I don't know and truly don't care But maybe just maybe I should hmm...

 

My ex's overly crazy clingy gf (not just my opinion lol) has uploaded over a hundred pics of them and about 10 profile pics of them both. What has my ex done? Absolutely nothing. No new profile pic, no statuses, nothing. The only thing I was told is he said he was leaving for training in a week.

 

It's all very wishy-washy. Facebook is way too fake to get any real info from.

[Rotxsen]

So true cause I notice how she puts how happy she is with him how much she loves him on myspace and how she is never hurt and all but yet the bf what he does ? has the same pic well this was like what 3 months ago before I started NC I checked I don't know how it is now but I got a good guess it's the same even himself on his status put their status of date yet with a face of annoyance I was like damn.... hell in paradise much? I don't even know if they are going out or not and well I don't care as long I'm doing me I'm good I had a job interview today and I landed the job I'm getting my orientation on Thursday and maybe I start working in two weeks and tomorrow gotta hit the dojo more training damn pushing myself to the limit feels good

[Big Bear]

Good luck roxtsen on your interview! Yeah i have been working out hard in the gym too since brokeup.. running non-stop, doing 3 miles, feeling great and sweat it out. feeling pretty relax

[TSandullo]

Hey everyone, just got into uni bright and early to finish off some work.

Will post log later.

Rotxen mate, congrats to you! Wishing you every success.

Loxxt, since you've taken the thread by storm by upping your real profile pic, I was contemplating the best chat up line to use on you...then it hit me. Considering this part of the forum:

Hey pretty lady, you can be my rebound anytime...!!!

Woo real suave no?

And let the comments roll in

TS

[Rotxsen]

Hey everyone, just got into uni bright and early to finish off some work.

Will post log later.

Rotxen mate, congrats to you! Wishing you every success.

Loxxt, since you've taken the thread by storm by upping your real profile pic, I was contemplating the best chat up line to use on you...then it hit me. Considering this part of the forum:

Hey pretty lady, you can be my rebound anytime...!!!

Woo real suave no?

And let the comments roll in

TS

 

Haha, but yeah man everything it's doing good and wish you the best TS you know how it is we got your back

 

 

Good luck roxtsen on your interview! Yeah i have been working out hard in the gym too since brokeup.. running non-stop, doing 3 miles, feeling great and sweat it out. feeling pretty relax

 

Yo dude like I let myself go in the relationship now I see myself I see my homegirls complimenting me wow you look great you got your spark back to the point I be getting friends telling me now how it is between them and me it's fun but you know I still can't give that final step to jump in the gun again maybe cause I know I'm not ready yet who knows time will tell

[Loxxt]

Lol oh TS...

 

So, officially week 2. A couple of days ago my dad asked if I'd heard from my ex. I said yeah and mentioned the email he sent. Told him if he wanted to read it I could fwd it and my reply. He said he would give me some feedback and let me know.

 

Kay here's where I stand. I don't very much like the ex right now. I don't want to have to hold his hand. He needs to grow up and grow a pair and leave me be for a very long time if he even hopes I'd one day recognize his existence. Bottom line I want nothing to do with him right now and don't want him to be all over the place with me and his life.

 

My dad said my email was mean. He's the only person to have said that. I wasn't trying to be mean, just straight to the point. Anyways I was kinda sad that he said that. He went on how guys are stupidly simple. Asked if I wanted to be with him ever again. I said what I've said here so many times. Not right now and if that ever would happen he'd have to be so different that I can't hope for it and don't want to hold his hand especially considering what he's done to me. My dad suggested I send my ex a brief message wishing him luck and saying if he ever gets his act together to give me a call. I'm totally opposed to that.

 

I don't think I need to give the whole "if you change lemme know" speech and frankly don't wanna give it. Last time I gave him an out saying if that's how he felt I'd consider taking about us he just walked over that basically saying I'm great and all but "not right now". I dunno. I'm thinking he doesn't deserve that security blanket from me again and if he wants to be with me he'll make the effort on his own... Especially with all that I've done and gone thru.

 

Any people or guys in particular care to agree or disagree?

[Rotxsen]

To tell you the truth your dad saying that was mean maybe he has done something like this before maybe this happened to him before so it knows how much it hurts a guy to read such message with such strong words I mean to tell you the truth I'm not the bad guy I was the dumpee but that still hurt me when I read it I felt like my ex was saying that to me, haha.

 

I disagree you have done enough with that message like I said before that was your closure just let him be but you saying not right now but you still giving it consideration you should just focus on you and let that part of you go replace it with something new it doesn't matter if it's a new guy It matters that it has to be something precious about you like who knows a new career, a new field, a new hobby etc.

 

Example me ? I read books on my free time to get personal knowledge I'm experimenting with clothing, girl friends etc I'm just seeing a way to be able to handle a situation as best as possible and with all respect your dad is wrong on sending him a text to give you a call that's the worst option since it will give him a thought like why you want me to call you etc you know overreact w/e

 

But at the end sweetie it's You time to shine you already got the looks that's a + maybe get into something new sports who knows like I said before me hitting them books, and my training and I landed the job I start in two weeks what's I'll say I be pretty busy from now on so that's a good thing to me and if my ex or your ex comes back are we gonna have the time to be with them? in our own world our own life's focusing only on ourselves ? I'll say No we can give them consideration but at the end is it worth it quit the things we do for them? I'll call that being selfish to them but that's just me talking

 

PS. I started listening to Nujabes again "RIP" and I started writing my own beats again haha gotta keep this mind and body busy.

[True_Love]

Day 7 and 8

 

These days have been hard. Find it hard to function, I just stay in unless I really have to go out, which is not good. He sent me a bog long email, why no contact. I replied that I need my space and I agree with the break up and a brief paragraph about the band we play in together and I got a reply saying he misses last summer when we worked together away and wish we were doing it this year, and regrets saying no. I didn't respond and today get a stupid email saying only "It's good to talk...." Great response!!!!

 

I do now believe he has someone else, but he has his doubts about them, I think he is scared of what people will think of him if we do get back together. I think he is scared I will find out what I already know about this other woman, but I am a true believer and will stick to my opinion of whatever happened while we were not together will remain in the past and I ask no questions as long as you take care of any unfinished business before we move forward. But will we move forward? I am so scared that by me not contacting him he will think I don't care and have moved on. I know it is for the best for him and I to realise our feelings.

 

I also feel like a fool now, I really pushed him away. I was so needy all the time during our break up until now, of course I pushed him further away. I wish I could fast forward my life!!

[Loxxt]

Thanks for the reply rotxsen. I hate it when dumpees say it hurt to read my email. this is obviously an email directed from dumpee to dumper. Hearing that sounds like I'm kicking you when you're down. Sorry, didn't mean for it to hurt anyone.

 

I can't believe I was honestly considering what my dad said. I'm being WAY to accomodating and considerate of my cheating, lying, selfish ex. Makes me shake my head awake. Sheesh! I was doing the exact opposite of what I've been saying... Letting my fears drive me to do stupid sh*t. Wow close call.

[Rotxsen]

No see it's a good thing I felt like my ex was saying that but you know in reality I should have been the one said something like that but All I did was nod and then walk away it's not hurting me It's making others stronger relax you are not making no one feeling bad at all hun just do what you gotta do like I said and close call good thing you posted this before doing some big mistake we got your back like I said from now on be the judge not the judged ok?

[bitebenot]

Hey LOXXT...

 

Women of steel in trouble again ?

Forget what your dad said, hes from another generation.

He never was in your shoes and wasnt the one who was cheated on.

 

Your email was to the point and honest..he deserved it fully !

Your father doesnt know about the pain you carried and still do.

Im about his age, i know how his neurons are working.

 

Im happy that your ex is going away...it will be better for you.

Enjoy your week in Florida and look at the boys lol

 

** P.S. What did your father expected from a daughter made out of iron !

He should be proud of you. I know i am.

[ex sweatheart]

I havent been here for a couple of weeks due to moving house and being busy at work whivh has kept me busy thank goodness.. oh then it slows down and you stop long enough to get angry , get hurt.... and of coursee i have had no wilpower when it comes to ex

i have been fine and hopeful until i stoppped long enough to think and have had no attempted contact for a week, so i wanted to post here rather then send a text or email

 

Hey, hope all is wonderful, hope your getting out of the house for fresh air and excecise, clearing your head............. actually that's not why im writing this , im writing cause im angry, frustrated and sad , not much different to then end of our relationship really.

you have been acting like you care but you dont really do you ?

i have spent the last 10 mths treating you like a child or pet, nursing you back to health when things were bad and in return i got bitten , this sucks, it sucked when we were together and it suck snow im trying to move on .

A guy asked me out for a drink the other day and all i could think was what if he calls and im out with someone else or what if we sort things out and i have to say yeah i did date other people... well you know what Ive been waiting around for you to grow up and be ready for an adult relationship but you either don't want to or just cant so damn it im going to move on .... or at least try like hell

take care

** xoxo

[Loxxt]

Thanks bite, that means a lot.

 

Off to the bar with a few friends. Makes me happy that I'm myself again... and not down like I was when my p.o.s. ex left me. Honestly... can't believe I acted like the sad puppy to him begging him in my head to come back. Eww.

 

Catch you guys later!

[TSandullo]

Day 27 (Two days ago) - The last of the reports

 

Completely forgot to post here two days back here later in the day.

Was really busy with work.

 

A close friend at uni helped me out with my work. Got everything completed well before the deadline so that gave me a bit of a happy shot.

 

Towards the end of the day, myself and my friend relocated to another computer lab in the uni.

 

As we sat there and worked, I heard from behind a friend (girl) come in, she is a mutual friend of me and my ex. I turned to greet her and I saw a flash of a red coat dart out of the room. It was my ex.

 

I burst out laughing. I greeted our friend.

 

A min or so afterwards, I picked up my wallet to leave the lab to garb some grub for me and the friend who was helping me. As I stepped out of the lab into the corridor (dressed sexay of course), I see my ex there standing, switching off her phone.

 

"I was calling you..." she said. I ought to have asked her, why call when she can talk to me upfront rather than darting out the door, but I didn't.

 

She wanted to discuss the event we had scheduled which we cancelled, and the effect it had on her financially. I did not go into detail about her situation but kept the convo strictly about the event. We are to reschedule till after the exams.

 

I casually ask about her leg and family but don't linger too long.

 

Once that was sorted I walked away waving at her facing away from her. I've become an arrogant sod. Me like

 

After grabbing food, I went back to the lab, and went to my seat again. My ex and our mutual friend was chatting to my mate (who is a cool guy who is helping everyone) and I sat down ignoring them. They asked him for help and he said there is a big queue ('line' for you yanks ) and that I am in front.

 

I agreed with that and told them to p;ss off to the back (jokingly of course).

they laughed.

 

Our mutual friend said, "awe ****** says that but her truly loves us...."

I remained silent, looking at my screen, earphones in.

Then she said "Awe...we'll miss you when you leave uni..."

I remained silent and got on with work.

 

Then I pointed at them and said "Get on with your work! Stop wasting time!"

 

Afterwards they left, waving at me.

Me and my buddy got on with our stuff.

 

Two hours later, I get a missed call from her. I ignore.

Then I get a text, it is about the event cancellation.

I think she has grasped that the only messages I respond to are related to work and our club.

 

I call her and after a brief conversation about the event, I end the conversation swiftly.

All calls have ended with that tone as if "is he going to say something more".

 

I get on with work and leave later with my buddy.

 

How did I feel that day?

 

Ok. Was mainly occupied in my mind with my work and was happy it all got done.

I was emotionally unaffected by our interaction.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 28 (Yesterday) - Buddy's bday

 

Mate's birthday yesterday.

 

Went to link with him and his bro yesterday and we hung out and had fun.

 

Great day overall after having completed most of my work. My ex did not occupy much of my thoughts. Though, I do miss her kid still.

 

Had a lot of fun with ma bros.

 

Later on in the day, I played an April Fools joke on my club.

 

I got a message from her about letting the people know about our club elections.

I replied with a short curt reply. And that was it. No reply from her.

 

Watched Tango and Cash last night. Love that movie.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 29 - Good Friday....Really good friday

 

Taking an early leave from uni today.

 

Done my fair bit of work and am going home to relax. Have my final project due next week.

Bit of RnR before that.

 

Going to visit a friend then off home to watch some movies alone.

 

Feeling good today...and cold. Britains an Ice cap again, London particularly...

 

I can't get the Tango and Cash tune out of my head!!!

 

Happy Easter Everyone

 

TS

[WhatSetsUs]

I'm home from school for Easter weekend. I had a really good week, havent been thinking too much about the ex, havent been feeling down really, and I just genuinely enjoyed this week.

 

That is until I got home today. The urge to talk to her is really high right now. I'm fairly certain she's home for the weekend too and it just makes me wonder what she's up to. Almost 50 days will have gone by and I still havent heard anything from her. It just really sucks at this moment.

[Loxxt]

Day one welcomes me yet again.

 

We're all hurt people giving hurt people advice based on our memories of having been hurt. See a pattern? We're too biased to help. We're giving advice remembering the pain we went through as we write every word. Really, yes NC does help get over an ex by putting distance between us but I've had enough and I believe I'm over what has happened. I don't want to live with the regret of never having said this to him. I know he wants to come back and I threw it in his face with an email full of hate and pain. This one's everything else. Pain beats regret any day of the week, twice on Sundays.

 

,

 

Because you cheated, lied and left me obviously I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Believe me, it's hard to not want to be there for you but I've convinced myself it's for the best. You've made me scared to open up to you anymore because of what you've done. It's really hard to see where you're coming from. If you had not been with someone at the time, that email would have been great to get but since that's not the case it came accross as cheating on her and that upset me. God knows I have no love for her and what she did either but the fact that YOU are doing that makes me wonder if you'll hurt me again and shows you have no drive to break things off until you can bounce back to me. That's honestly what I got out of that. You seem to need to know I'm here and you won't leave her until you know that. It doesn't work that way. I've taken your advice and gone out with a few guys. I'm trying to find what I want. It's hard though because I thought I had found it in you.

 

I have no reason to bite my tongue anymore. I'm at a point where I'm not waiting for you so I can easily tell you how I feel. I do care, but I try not to because to me you betrayed me the in the worst way possible. Why would I want to hold out for someone like that? And then you don't even say sorry, don't acknowledge what you've done. I have no idea if you can even grasp the Hell you put me through. Crying myself to sleep for weeks, couldn't eat, stared blankly at the walls for hours. , I lost almost 30 pounds because I barely ate for a month. If you really want us to have a shot down the line as anything, even a glimmer of hope, show me, tell me.... anything concrete. Don't make this a sad tale of regret. Really at this point what have you got to lose? You've already lost me. Not just that but YOU put me on the boat, bought the ticket and sent me off. Once you realize this maybe you'll see there's nothing to lose like I have and will actually say what's on your mind.

 

what you've done can't be easily erased and I don't think it should be. But it has to be repaired. It can't be ignored and you are the one who'll have to drive the first nail into the board in order to fix this horribly mangled bridge you burned. It's like you're afraid to be honest because I'll reject you. I guess I did that anyways with that email but you have to understand how much it hurt. I know I hurt you in the past and betrayed you but nothing compares to this. If you think I hurt you imagine that 1000 fold.

 

Seriously think about all this. If you were to do this to me again I don't think I'd be able to ever speak to you again. A huge part of my brain is asking me why I'm telling you all this. I think I've reached a point where I'm not hanging onto you and hope anymore. Really, it's all up to you now. Do your army thing, do what you need to find yourself. I will not, however, be the "other woman" so please don't try to build anything with me while you're with her. It doesn't work that way. I have more self respect than to weasel my way into something even if it's something that was mine to begin with. You have a lot to figure out and maybe a break from real life is what you need.

 

There's no way of knowing how things will go and I'm not going to be here waiting for you to make up your mind. I'm going to be straight up here... I do love you but this is tearing me to pieces. I have no idea what's going through your head. Be honest with me here because dancing around what you're thinking, hoping and scared of isn't doing any good. Really you have nothing to lose. I lost you three months ago and I've come to grips with that. It's your turn to come to that realization.

 

Don't let your fears drive you. I really hope you find what you're looking for in the army. It won't be easy. Know this is hard for me to say considering my conflicting feelings... Good luck. I wish you well.

 

Take care, maybe our paths will cross again one day. I'm not going to say this is goodbye forever but this is as far as I can carry us for now. Your move, .

 

 

The end.

 

Still feeling sick. Going to get some more sleep. Happy Easter weekend, guys.

[Rotxsen]

Day 40+

 

Well It seems like I had a dream about my ex last night apparently somehow I was seeing comments on my profile from her on my Myspace sending pics comments etc when I never had these.. it hurt me seeing them and was wondering why there comments on my profile of her well this days lately I been thinking about her since well I can't find a great source of happiness anymore I been kinda of worrying about when will that next person come? how long will it be since, I mean she's with her rebound but I don't know how she is but I'm guessing she's happier then ever got her "better love"

 

and I'm still here on square one for example by best friend Ynaliz made it as a joke on facebook that she was on relationship for april fools it shocked me cause I was like wow ... her bf broke up with her almost the same week after me so me and there were healing our wounds nursing each other back to our original selves but now that I saw her on a relationship I was like damn... even she moved on yet I haven't ? I'm still on square one I mean I do flirt and all but they just seem to die out like nothing after a great non stop talking and then pam life gets to us and we can't talk and when I try to talk to the girl I like me and her just lose that feeling that we had for each other so I'm like damn back to square one so.. seeing Yna with somebody I was like I'm all alone I have no one else to be here .. she's gone so I asked who the lucky guy was and she was like oh it's a april fools joke I almost cried I was like you such a meanie and I explained to her why and she was like don't worry one of us is gonna eventually be with someone first and I would never leave you, you know me I love you and I'm like yeah I love you too and told she wasn't ready just like me but still.. made me realize.. It sucks I don't know when I get to have this wonderful feeling again how long to tell you the truth that's the reason I keep thinking about my ex and it's killing me I just want to move on.. I know she's never gonna come back I'm certain.. but I can't find that woman that will make me say those three words again that I cherished so much..the mutual respect, the friendship, everything ... for some unknown reason I still don't want to contact my ex even after all these circumstances ? most of the people should be running to try to talk to their ex but not me? is it the books I been reading about getting over etc or is it it's just I lost will, faith? or love? who knows... I'm trying to figure this out but the more I try to solve it the more I get caught it in this web.

[DerektheDomino]

My ex broke up with me about 10 days ago, and she will be living in my place for another 6 weeks because she is on the lease until she finds an apartment with the dude.

 

It's been very hard for me to cope with, and I have been way too nice to her (buying her flowers, gifts, I heard she was going to learn hockey so I bought her a hockey jersey and a hockey stick) but I feel like even all this I get treated like * * * * for it. She told me she still loves me and wish we could still have a relationship but said she loves this other guy now, and doesn't want to repeat a cycle with us for 3 months.

 

Anyway I'm done putting up with it, I'm done letting her try to control me and walk all over me. I'm cutting off the ties.

 

I'm better than her, and I have to take this first step...yet I still forgive her what she did to me and I still love her immensely, I'm trying to move forward now...

[Loxxt]

I feel like every day is a battle within our own minds.

 

Him wondering how long till he should speak to me. If I'd give him another shot. Ever. Will I find someone else? How mad am I at him? How am I doing? What am I doing?

 

I feel like I'm in Hell. I'm wondering how long it's going to take him to contact me again. I know he will. I'm afraid he'll just be so scared and stay that way until it's too late and I finally move on with someone else. If I'm in Hell I wonder where he is cuz it sounds so much worse. I feel like I got the better end of the deal now. Now he has to go through all the pain I did. He wants me. I know it. He said it. I'd be willing to give it another shot in a long while. Heck I could consider a friendship with him in a few months and during the 1.5 years while he's away but only if he had the balls to start it. I think I got the ball rolling with that last email. Like I said, his move. I'm not waiting forever. This isn't a one man show anymore.

 

Love is confusing.

[Sp1ash]

Day 11

Had a quick e-mail from her on day 8. I only responded "been really busy lately. Hope you are doing well". Continued with NC. She didnt respond. But it seems so much longer. Been 3 weeks tonight since we last saw each other. Feeling pretty cr@ppy tonight as it is saturday and i'm wodering what she is doing. She is a party girl so im sure she is down at the local bar or at a friends. We split because she said she wasnt ready to share her space or time with someone. She was a girl from my childhood and we reconnected on facebook after 23 years. Yes we got married. Didnt last too long. Although it was for a short time i developed even stronger feelings for her then before. She since blocked me on facebook.I'm not counting too much on getting back together but I do have hope. I have the urge to call her but I know day 9 is just around the corner. Baby steps Every day is just a little bit better. But am a long way from moving on completely. Thanks for listening. Happy Easter all.

[fr0z3n]

day 14 supposedly but if I'll follow the rules, it's back to day 5... it's been 2 weeks since the BU, she broke NC the next day, I give in to talking to her, after 2 days I texted her a lets say a closure message or acceptance of the BU message, she replied but I didnt responded any further, I texted her on her bday just to wish her happy birthday and answered few of her questions about me (my summer break and the start of my summer class)... Now I dont know why but I feel upset...

[DerektheDomino]

Well I came home last night, she said "hi" and I said "hey" and holed up in my room. I guarentee you she is probably thinking why I'm not out there talking to her.