Nagging feeling?? another person?

[kungfumaster]

After 3 months now of no contact, I still feel stuck. I know it takes a long time to heal, especially after a 2 year and 3 month relationship. I just have a nagging feeling that she dropped me for another person. Why am I thinking this now, and not when she dumped me initially 3 months ago. I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to ask myself what went wrong. I have resigned myself most of the time to thinking that I wasn't good enough for her (but then if I wasn't, I'm thinking no one will, so its her loss). But, as I think about it more, I remember these things that happened right before the break up that tells me that there might have been someone else in the picture, but I wasn't really sure.

 

Here are the 3 things that made me suspicious (in chronological order):

 

1) After one of our big fights, she spends some time with an old guy friend, who in the past, just helped her out with her homework, and he would always call her, but she was never interested, just as a friend only. They would only talk on the phone and never went out.

 

2) One night, she went out to a movie with her friends - and usually she tells me who she's going out with, but this time, she doesn't.

 

3) She gets a text message on her cell the two days later saying "hey baby, i'm bored - what are you doing?" She tells me this and says she doens't recognize the sender and asks me "isn't it only boyfriends who call their girlfriends baby?". She says she texted the person back and asks "who are you, I don't know you?". Then she tells me that the sender sends her 3 other text messages (without identifying himself) and that she never responded.

 

Well, I trusted her at that time, and thought nothing of the three points above. In fact, as to point 1) I actually encouraged her to talk to this other old guy friend because I know it helped me to talk things out with my girl-friends when something is troubling me.

 

As to point 2), actually, to be honest, I thought it was kind of shady - I know I have no control over how other men hit on my ex - but wouldn't my ex have to give this guy her cell number (and she just got a cell number 2 weeks before)? Shouldn't she know ALL THE people who has her cell number? But at that time, I trusted her and just shoved these shady things out of my mind.

 

Should I be asking these questions? I know I shouldn't but its just driving me mad!! Maybe I think if she cheated, it would give me more ammunition to hate her, and so get over her quicker, i.e., sever the emotional attachment I have with her. What do you guys think??

[fantasia2004]

Dear Kungfu,

 

If you hold onto that hostility, then you will suffer emotional distress and you will never heal. But if it bothers you and if she initiates contact with you or the other way around, then ask her and be forward about it. Don't let her or you be wishy washy about this get to the point other wise you will be a prisoner of hatred. It has almost swallowed me alive because I held onto so much junk that my ex did to me. I will never forgive myself if I don't get over him!

 

Good luck Sweets!

[disEnchantid]

Hi Kungfu,

I know how you feel, its been three months for me too and I have been going over stuff in my head, suspecting that there was someone else int he picture...seeing clues where maybe they don't really exist. But honestly, at this point, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't change the reality of the fact that it's over and the other person is no longer a part of your life. Whether there was a third party is a detail that will only cause you pain to have it confirmed. Let sleeping dogs lie. You need to just focus on healing yourself, not on analyzing everything she said and did those last few weeks or days.

 

PM me if you need someone to talk to.

 

dE

[Hopingpraying]

Disenchanted is very right... It does not matter. I know for a fact that my wife is leaving me for another man, but it doesn't make me feel any better. And it really is not important. If it wasn't this guy it would of been something else. While I am not perfect I am not a bad husband either, but in the initial stages of a relationship the new guy always looks better. They never argue they have you to vent their frustrations about.. On and on.

 

But like DisEnchanted said, it doesn't matter. It is immaterial why she left, unfortunately you can't make her take you back, no matter how much begging or pleading you do. Matter of fact the more begging and pleading you do the less likely that will happen.

 

Do no contact.. It will help you and her!!