marks888 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 what kind of girl or person breaks up without a word? i was in a long distance relationship (3 months together, 2 months LD) and she just stopped answering my calls and responding to emails... she did this just after she quit her job and interviewed for another one, and didn't get it... earlier in our relationship, she got fired, got mad at me, and we didnt' talk for a week.. but she came back saying she was "crazy" and she didn't want to talk about it... she's 25, had 5-6 ex's, and was in a 3-yr relationship 5 months before me (so i could have been a rebound).. but we had a very intense relationship where we fell for each other quickly.. and just a month before she was saying how she was in love with me... i dunno.. maybe she's unstable and a little bipolar... anyone have any insight (more than just that she's a coward or weak) on what types of people do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungfumaster Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Try the same sort of treatment but after 2 years 3 months together - the last three months were long distance. All I can say is, ouch - it hurts. It still hurts after 3 months now. I am in a sort of daze still - trying to snap out of it, but its hard. As to what type of people do this - well, my ex - I don't want to be the guy "who can't see the log in his own eye", but my ex had some issues (so do I to some extent for dating her). That's all I can say - and I hope for her own sake (I might still be in denial and holding back anger, but...) she will heal from her wounds from the past (hence her issues) so it won't hurt her anymore. Mark - one more piece of advise - run away fast, don't look back (easier said than done I know). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lealeapopo Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Mark, My boyfriend of one year got drunk, cussed me out and declared the entire relationship "over". Not one more word, No contact. The silence, I feel, is a cruel tool of punishment. I think they also feel it can be used as a tool of manipulation, if they decide they want to come back. It has taken me 3 weeks to figure this out, 3 weeks of tears, recriminations, and , yes , I admit, attempted contact with him. I am now an avowed advocate of "don't call that boy". So take it from me, it will get better, you will survive, and don't contact, email, or in any way "call that girl". Some people are poisonous. Beware. Best of luck, Lea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marks888 Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 thanks guys for your responses.. it is extremely clear that i should let it go and not contact her again... but my mind goes through painful cycles of letting it go to trying to save it, get answers, do at least something... the past week, i was thinking of sending one last email, but i haven't, mostly because i don't know what to write... i just don't think she's thinking straight... even if she did come around, her weak mind wouldn't be able to call me after all this mess... its just so disappointing.. although short, it was a relationship where everything about us fit right... but i lost her for no apparent reason.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lealeapopo Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Hey, I know just what you mean. And the compulsion is overwhelming at times. Just like that ice cream or chocolate or (pick you temptation here) scream at you. When you are strong enough, delete all their old email ( i have partially, still cannot get rid of all of it). Delete their address from you email, address book and their # from speed dial on ALL your phones. This helps alot. In time, I think we will learn to be appreciative of the good times, and learn from the mistakes we made. Getting angry helps too.... Lea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kungfumaster Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Marks888, I know how you are feeling. You want some answers - it just ended so abruptly - and there simply was no good reason to end it. Its been 3 months for me, and I'm still trying to understand. I have gone from periods where I've thought I wasn't good enough for her, to "she was just messed up and no one can be with her without breaking up eventually", to "she probably found someone else" (I just posted on this yesterday ). And you know what, I'll never get to know!! I must admit though marks888 that one thing I remember that helped me a bit, was that I wrote a letter to her, a good bye letter, but I never sent it. It helped me poor out all my feelings and thoughts, and even today, when I feel really bad, I read that letter and it makes me feel a bit better. In that letter, I told her that I loved her and missed her, but I couldn't deal with her issues anymore. It just came up too much. You see marks888 - you have to ask yourself why you love her?? I know in your post you mentioned she might be a bit unstable and a little bipolar - why was she unstable? What caused her to be unstable? You have to find out these things, and how they affect your relationship. You see in my case, my ex- had a lot of abandonment issues with the divorce of her parents, and father issues too (her father was never there basically), and you see, all that played into our relationship because she projected those unmet needs onto me - and it was stressful for me to make up for all those things she never got from her dad, or a loving family. And these also made her "unstable". One minute, she would be the most loving person in the world, and the next minute, I was the worst person in the world after I'd make a mistake (which my family and friends agree, she did have a right to be mad, but not to the level she took it to). So you see marks888, do you know why I loved my ex? Its because I thought I could "fix her" - help her out with these issues, help her heal - be the "knight in shining armour" and save her from her darkness. At first, I did help her, she was making some progress I though - and as one poster Athena said, I broke down that wall of distrust she had built around her, and it felt incredible - she was the most loving person in the world when her guard was down. I felt like I was in heaven. I felt so good to be receiving this love from her, and giving her love and helping her heal from her past issues. I felt like a real man, who was able to help someone that I loved. I felt great. But you know what marks888 - as soon as I moved away and we had an LDR, it all just went down the tubes. She put the wall of distrust back up again. You see marks888, we have to realize we cannot change our partners. As some people say, it is harder to move a mountain than change someone. It is true I think. They have to heal and change themselves. I realize that now. And so back to the question I ask you marks888 - why do you love her? From the sounds of your post, she's got at least one issue still - the ending a 3yr - relationship 5 months before you. Maybe she's still healing from that - and if you dig deeper, there might be somemore "wounds" that need healing - what kind of a family background does she have, etc? I know how you feel marks888 - I'm still disappointed as you are (I play that song by radiohead over and over again "Let down"), and I go through tons of cycles. Hang in there. Don't contact her. Just try to work on yourself. I have been working out like a mad man since I broke up - but it helps me get rid of all that anger inside me. Keep posting whenever you feel bad and just let it all out. Hey, look at what I just did. Anyways, try to think of numero uno - remember - you are worth it! Hi yaaaah!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marks888 Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 sorry dude.. sounds like my post is opening up some of your old wounds... but there are some similarities.. her parents were divorced, although she was still close to both of them.. she ended living on her own at an early age... and the stuff about being the most loving person one moment and then changing... i think that may be the killer... its like she's a drug... and she gives you this artificial high with all the love (not normal in other relationships)... but then it wears down and the other side sucks... but you still want more... what i've learned is now when a girl becomes depressed or something, you gotta leave her alone cuz anything you do will be seen as insensitive or she'll hate you for it... ultimately, thats probably what triggered her leaving, cuz she thought my calls and emails were insensitive... and i think its my fault, but shoot, its her f'd up head... but i still think "what if i did this? or that?"... its tough to have no regrets... plus, the ldr made things even worse... damn, and after all that, i still want her back.... gotta quit her drug... hehe... anyway, try watching swingers... mike goes through the movie trying to forget his ex.. and the first scene is a good one which is like the so-called "no contact" rule... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marks888 Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 im thinking of sending another email.. although i know its over... but saying stuff like "where are you? I'm waiting for you.. I will always be here for you..".. that would prolly confuse her.. cuz after all, she never told me it was over... it'd be kinda funny.. hrmph.. and i still want her back. im not gonna beg or plead.. im not gonna be mad... so maybe i'll screw around and try to have some fun... i could keep telling her im here waitng for her until she finally tells me.. problem is, can i heal if i do this?? prolly not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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