MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's so crazy. When my bf's relationship and mine is good it is REALLY good. When it is bad I just want him to leave me alone forever, it feels like at the time. He his SO moody. One day he's happy, enthusiastic, passionate, affectionate. The next, cold, depressed, detached, stressed. I get really tired of it because I'M suppose to be Ms. Cope with whatever the bf throws out that day. Oh, your happy and affectionate today? Let's hang out (he pouts if I have something else to do!) Oh, your cold and shut off? I better make myself scarce!!! He knows he's moody but its like he doesn't care. He likes being that way. He likes being depressed 80% of the time and then wildly affectionate and happy the other 20%. Oh, and if I GOD FORBID have an off day (I'm not the most optimistic person, but I try) he's all like "Stay away, you're going to bring me down"???? I want to shout, "Maybe you could try comforting me!" Ok, about the argument tonight: is he overeacting or am I?!? I got really sick after eating some tapioca pudding and threw up. I brushed my teeth for like ten minutes. A half hour later I see him and greet him with a kiss. He's affectionate, happy, sweet. We were supposed to spend time together. Somehow the conversation gets around to me feeling ill from the pudding earlier (dont ask me how). He gets mad, tells me I should leave, and when I try to explain the situation (how it was a while ago...its not like I threw up and kissed him two seconds later) he acts as if I am lying. I get mad tell him he treats me like crap sometimes and he says I blow EVERYTHING out of proportion. God, I dont even know what to do. Was his reaction even normal? If it was I'll get on my knees and apologize, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natural Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Quick question - is his astrological sign a cancer and how old is he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Quick question - is his astrological sign a cancer and how old is he? No Taurus, and he's going to be 23. But was his reaction normal for ANYONE? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Is his sign cancer? I don't think that is going to garner her much enlightment. OP, this is likey who he is going to be. If you have talked about the concerns and this is what you still get, this is likely what you will continue to get. Ask yourself if this is the life you signed up for, and if not...move on. Based on what you told us, no this is not a 'normal' reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Is his sign cancer? I don't think that is going to garner her much enlightment. OP, this is likey who he is going to be. If you have talked about the concerns and this is what you still get, this is likely what you will continue to get. Ask yourself if this is the life you signed up for, and if not...move on. I know, that's what I keep hearing but its hard. I do love him. When he is affectionate and warm it is wonderful. I just am not sure what to do. He's graduating soon and I feel like I should at least wait until then to decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 I feel like I will never find someone who I will be happy with. I am an EXTREMELY affectionate person (he is not, kind of cold and distant), but I wonder if I'm TOO affectionate and no man would ever be enough for me or if I'd just annoy all of them. When do you know if you are the problem or your SO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 No, there are a lot of affectionate men out there. But you do have to pick your timing. I doubt any man wants a woman to hang on him all the time, but many of them enjoy it in more doses than your guy seems to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drac07 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 So... He was upset that you kissed him after throwing up? Even if that's the case, no. No, his response is not appropriate, proportional or even rational. In my opinion, the Caring Boyfriend's response should be concern for your welfare. "Are you still sick? Are you sure it was the pudding? I don't care if you brushed your teeth, I want you to be okay." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's so frusterating when he gets angry too. He just gets really quiet and tells me to leave without talking about it. And then when I tell him to at least tell me WHY I am getting thrown out he accuses me of being clingy and it really messes with my head. He really has me believing that men do not like affection of any kind. Then he turns around and is very affectionate for 2 days and has me thinking its great. Then its back to the same old moods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 So... He was upset that you kissed him after throwing up? Even if that's the case, no. No, his response is not appropriate, proportional or even rational. In my opinion, the Caring Boyfriend's response should be concern for your welfare. "Are you still sick? Are you sure it was the pudding? I don't care if you brushed your teeth, I want you to be okay." I KNOW! He exhibited zero concern for me at all. I talked about being sick ealier and he was like "Did you throw up?" and I said "yes" and he was like "and then you kissed me just now?" and wanted me to leave. It wasn't like I chucked and then turned around and kissed him. It was a half hour ealier and I brushed pretty good. He's not even OCD, I think he's just very self-centered. Anyone here that can explain that reaction to me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natural Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Jaded star - I was merely asking her a question before I shared my thoughts.... MJ23 - he is still somewhat young. Maybe he has not learned how to effectively communicate. It sounds like there are some deeper issues that surprass your relationship. You mentioned that he enjoys being depressed and acts out 80% of the time. Obviously, there is something going on there. Don't allow yourself to be abused b/c he is going through something. You should not have to pay the price for his unhappiness. Maybe, he should look into counseling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I KNOW! He exhibited zero concern for me at all. I talked about being sick ealier and he was like "Did you throw up?" and I said "yes" and he was like "and then you kissed me just now?" and wanted me to leave. It wasn't like I chucked and then turned around and kissed him. It was a half hour ealier and I brushed pretty good. He's not even OCD, I think he's just very self-centered. Anyone here that can explain that reaction to me? He sounds like he has some sort of personality disorder. Either that, or he is just rude and inconsiderate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natural Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Jaded star - I was merely asking her a question before I shared my thoughts.... Gesh MJ23 - he is still somewhat young. Maybe he has not learned how to effectively communicate. It sounds like there are some deeper issues that surprass your relationship. You mentioned that he enjoys being depressed and acts out 80% of the time. Obviously, there is something going on there. Don't allow yourself to be abused b/c he is going through something. You should not have to pay the price for his unhappiness. Maybe, he should look into counseling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Jaded star - I was merely asking her a question before I shared my thoughts.... MJ23 - he is still somewhat young. Maybe he has not learned how to effectively communicate. It sounds like there are some deeper issues that surprass your relationship. You mentioned that he enjoys being depressed and acts out 80% of the time. Obviously, there is something going on there. Don't allow yourself to be abused b/c he is going through something. You should not have to pay the price for his unhappiness. Maybe, he should look into counseling? He thinks counseling is a get-rich-quick scam by psychologists (I do not agree). He would never go for it. His mom forced him into counselling when he was younger and he refuses to go back. He had a bad family situation and I don't think he ever healed emotionally from it. I've talked to him about it numerous times, but I think this is just him now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natural Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Sorry for the double reply. I'm typing on my cell..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 He sounds like he has some sort of personality disorder. Either that, or he is just rude and inconsiderate. I have wondered the same thing, but I can never find the personality disorder that matches him. Narcisstic a little, but not really. He's definitely emotionally closed off and gets angry easily and doesn't want to talk about things. He is self-centered and teases me incessantly (sometimes I laugh and think its funny...other times it hurts or annoys me.) He has trust issues and once said I was "looking" at a guy which was not even true. He badgered me about that for awhile. He also didn't believe me that I had thrown up much earliar. Don't know why he wouldn't? I don't know if thats a personality disorder. Anyone educated in such matters? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drac07 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Disclaimer: You know him better than anyone here. Advice is provided on the basis of what you've said so far. Honestly, he sounds unstable. I know two people who act like that: one is my brother, the other is his biological father. Both are diagnosed Bipolar. The father, thank God, is long gone and my brother has steadily improved with medication and occasional therapy. I'll go one further: it also sounds like the prelude to abuse. I don't mean to sensationalize or scare, but if he really acts the way you say, it could be on the horizon. LIKE I SAID, you know him and can judge better than I. Just putting it out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natural Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I agree with drac. There is something going that is much deeper than your relationship. Don't take the emotional and verbal abuse. He obviously needs some kind of help. Besies, do you really want to be with a man who is abusive and depressed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I have wondered the same thing, but I can never find the personality disorder that matches him. Narcisstic a little, but not really. He's definitely emotionally closed off and gets angry easily and doesn't want to talk about things. He is self-centered and teases me incessantly (sometimes I laugh and think its funny...other times it hurts or annoys me.) He has trust issues and once said I was "looking" at a guy which was not even true. He badgered me about that for awhile. He also didn't believe me that I had thrown up much earliar. Don't know why he wouldn't? I don't know if thats a personality disorder. Anyone educated in such matters? geez, totally sounds like my exboyfriend, he would get mad if i left q-tips in the trash and you could see them or let the cat out, just very mean, and very moody and controlling. really what he did with you being sick and asking you to leave is flat out rude and you absolutely deserve more than that. i know it is much easier for me to say than perhaps for you to do, but i really think you should leave this guy. definitely sounds like a personality disorder, and btw they are not treatable!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Disclaimer: You know him better than anyone here. Advice is provided on the basis of what you've said so far. Honestly, he sounds unstable. I know two people who act like that: one is my brother, the other is his biological father. Both are diagnosed Bipolar. The father, thank God, is long gone and my brother has steadily improved with medication and occasional therapy. I'll go one further: it also sounds like the prelude to abuse. I don't mean to sensationalize or scare, but if he really acts the way you say, it could be on the horizon. LIKE I SAID, you know him and can judge better than I. Just putting it out there. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I don't believe he is bipolar because he is so depressed and stressed that there is never really that great a "high" to compliment it. He is happy for about 2 days (like a normal happy) then goes back to his boarish mood. He claims he's stressed all the time with work, etc. but I have just as many responsibilities and I handle them without to much complaint. I feel emotionally put-down at times. Once he called me unattractive (I am about 20 pounds overweight--5"3 and 150 (but I am large-boned so I don't carry it horribly) and once he compared me to some old flame who is a crazy pot head and how she was "exciting" and I'm not. Then he'll turn around and say I'm beautiful and sexy, etc. so I feel all warm and fuzzy and forgive him. I also love to write and I trusted him with one of my pieces and only read one chapter and said it was boring. I know I'm not terrible because I have won awards for my work. It might not be his style, but he didn't even give it a try. He once said my only talent is being "nice" ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 i don't like to label people with a disorder based on limited info i read on a forum, but it seems at least obvious that he doesn't handle conflict well and he isn't full up on tact. Let's just say his personality obviously doesn't jive with yours......because you actually need someone who is respectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ23 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 geez, totally sounds like my exboyfriend, he would get mad if i left q-tips in the trash and you could see them or let the cat out, just very mean, and very moody and controlling. really what he did with you being sick and asking you to leave is flat out rude and you absolutely deserve more than that. i know it is much easier for me to say than perhaps for you to do, but i really think you should leave this guy. definitely sounds like a personality disorder, and btw they are not treatable!! What personality disorder though? I can never find one that matches him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 man, does his name start with a C? lol... totally sounds like my ex... but i think he is older than 23, i can't remember how old he is, but older than 23. all i can say is that my life got so much better after i left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 What personality disorder though? I can never find one that matches him Borderline personality disorder sounds the most like what you mentinoed, but you can't diagnose someone based on simply a match of symptoms. That diag needs to come from a doc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volpe Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 What personality disorder though? I can never find one that matches him well, he sounds like my ex who was narcissitic (i think). he doesn't cut himself or anything so not antisocial disorder. but regardless, i don't think you should spend time focusing on diagnosing his disorder, however appealing it may be to get an explanation for his bizarre, cruel, and rude behavior. i think you should figure out what makes you stay with him when you are clearly unhappy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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