lost1607307474 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I've been struggling with a variety of problems for years, and mostly I keep them to myself because I'm embarrassed about them. I've struggled with depression, been on and off anti-depressants, and used to self-harm in a variety of ways. I've sought help from a variety of sources (doctors, therapy, etc) but nobody in my life has barely known about any of this. I live away from home so my parents don't really know about any of it. When I was younger and living with them they found out briefly about my unhealthy habits involving self-harm and they were really supportive but I can't really recall what happened after that. Most worryingly, my boyfriend, who is the closest person in the world to me, doesn't know about any of it. We've been together for two and a half years. I've never told him because I'm embarrassed. I know it's bad, but I just can't bring myself to tell anyone about my situation. Seeking help was difficult enough. I think I've come to realise that the reason why I find it so hard to pull myself out of these periods of depression is because of the lack of support I have. I don't tell anyone about my problems, apart from my doctor, and so I have nobody to support me or help me through. But I just don't know how to tell anyone. "Hey guys, I have depression." I just feel stupid bringing it up but I know I need the support. My boyfriend often expresses his frustration during instances where I am not acting like myself. I wish I could tell him why but I just don't know how. Telling the people close to me about my problems is just a huge step that I don't know how to reach. I feel like if I tell them, they're not going to understand or they are going to think I'm stupid or something. I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruzer Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 It dont have to be so blatant or you really bringing it up. For example, when ur boyfriend expresses his frustration, just casually mention something about being sad, feeling down in the dumps, etc. That way u did not really bring it up, and u did not say hey i suffer from depression. The first time u do it, it might not trigger, but if u continually say it i would think he would get the hint. He nor anyone else will think your stupid. Hopefully they go out of their way just to make u happy or smile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 You have nothing to be embarrased about. People that care about you should be aware about what is happening to you. I am pleased that I know my wifes depression situation. Sometimes she doesnt act herself and I know how to better react to the situation. Dont let him be frustrated in the dark. Explain to him what is going on so he has an idea. It can be hard for others to understand and admittedly I had a hard time getting my head around the problem in the beginning.The best way is to live it and give support .I think you could do alot better if those close to you were made aware. It will give you more space and less guilt about your actions..they will understand. You dont have to feel silly ..lost. I dont think your silly...If he really cares for you then he should understand I think. Also one other thing you should know is that the number of women I have since met that have experienced it is amazing. It is very common and so you are definitely not weird or different as such... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 As top bloke said, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I've never gone thru it but for the first time I'm experiencing loved ones going thru it. And yes, it is SLIGHTLY worrying for those of us who haven't fully experienced it ourself or are not going thru it with you, but believe me... it helps so much more to have the support. And they will also do their best to support YOU. I think you'll even be surprised at the lengths they'll go thru. Specially your bf. When my bf's mom was told she was depressed, she only told people she was VERY close to (husband, kids). And it was hard for her too since she's always been a tough lady. And suddenly she had this take over her mind. Acknowledging it was the first step as well as taking medications. Then telling her family and they all do their best to check in on her, try and get her to get out/take her mind off things, etc. I really hope you can find a solution/help once and for all and not have to deal with all this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Also, like top bloke said: I also had NO IDEA how common these things are. Not until I saw people I was close to going thru it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 The surprising aspect about this illness is the amount of men who go throughit as well.It is as almost commomn as the darn cold...and I am not kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Startoveragain Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I agree that you just need to be honest about it. I suffer from depression as well and can empathize with your situation. With all of the issues you internalize and deal with on a day to day basis, you have to look at some of the environmental factors that are hurting you that you can control. The whole issue of not telling your boyfriend about your depression and helping him understand what you're going through is adding to your depression and you have 100% control of it. Right now it's controlling you though. You're embarrassed about your depression and feel guilty for the way that you feel or act sometimes and how it impacts your relationship with him, that's making things worse. believe me, I've ruined relationships this way too. The people in your life love you. They're looking for answers too for why you act the way you do sometimes. Help them understand. It doesn't have to be a big sit down where everyone gets together and you announce that you suffer from depression either. It's going to be easier for you if you talk with the people you love one on one. Tell them that it's hard for you to talk about and give them examples of times you've reacted to something when you were depressed so they can make it real too. The hardest part is telling them and then dealing with their reactions. What I've found personally is that most people understand and are very understanding. I do have a couple of friends that think it's a cop out for why I'm not more energetic or shut myself off from the world sometimes, but I would rather have them know that's my reason and keep trying to help them understand then them think I'm an absolute flake and a total downer as a human being. It's tough, I won't lie. I'm having issues today as we speak with it which is why I'm here. I'd be happy to chat with you about it any time if you want more advice. Just let me know and I can give you my email. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Share Posted March 10, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone. I tried bringing up the topic with my boyfriend last night and he didn't seem to understand. He said he was sick of my moods and I told him that I'm sorry, I just feel really down sometimes and I can't help it. The conversation progressed a little further along these lines and he didn't seem to understand at all. We just ended up having a huge fight. I think I'll just leave it.... and go through it on my own as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 If you have difficulty telling them in person, why not write them a letter? In this case you have time to formulate your thoughts and you can avoid the anxiety of having to tell them in person. If you are not a big letter writer, a letter can have a much bigger impact than a conversation where someone just tries to brush off or is not really focused on what the other person is trying to express. It also gives the receiver the option to chose a time when they are not stressed out about other things, so when their frame of mind is more receptive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 If you have difficulty telling them in person, why not write them a letter? In this case you have time to formulate your thoughts and you can avoid the anxiety of having to tell them in person. If you are not a big letter writer, a letter can have a much bigger impact than a conversation where someone just tries to brush off or is not really focused on what the other person is trying to express. It also gives the receiver the option to chose a time when they are not stressed out about other things, so when their frame of mind is more receptive I am a big letter writer, but I think whichever way I choose to tell them just getting it out is the hard part. Plus I've given up. As I said in my last post, I tried to bring it up with my boyfriend and he didn't seem to understand at all. It just made me feel worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Do not write him a letter at all. For people who dont understand it..it is very hard to understand and yes they can take it personally. They just dont simply understand it lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Today he sent me a text saying this: "You're always upset about something or depressed and I just try to make myself seem like I'm happy to make you happy but I'm not I feel like * * * * all the time." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Today he sent me a text saying this: "You're always upset about something or depressed and I just try to make myself seem like I'm happy to make you happy but I'm not I feel like * * * * all the time." What are you thinking lost? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Okay today I am telling everything. I'm telling my boyfriend everything, about my past and present, about the counsellors I've seen and medication I've taken and everything. He'll just have to take it or leave it. I'm also telling my best friend that I'm quitting the band I'm in because I have too much stress in my life, and I'm going to tell her about my anxiety and the attacks and everything. I'm a bit nervous and embarrassed about putting myself out there, and what they will think... but it has to be done. I'm scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Good luck lost My prayers are with you .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Thanks top bloke. What would I do without your posts!! I just sent my best friend a message saying this, "Hey man. I'm having second thoughts about the open mic night & the band. I don't know how to put it really except that I've got so much going on in my life right now and it's all getting a bit much for me, I don't have enough time to do everything and I've been getting really anxious about everything and having panic attacks and stuff. I don't have time to practice our stuff, haven't played piano in weeks, and the open mic night is the night before my first day as a real teacher so I'll have a * * * * load of stuff to do. I think that you and Sarah should do it by yourselves. I don't know what to do really." I have no idea how she is going to respond but at least I've come clean to her about how much life is getting to me at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Good on you. I realised some time ago that there is only of me. Sometimes we give too much out of politeness and kindness. We get burnt out. One less thing to have cluttering the important things in your life lost... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Good on you. I realised some time ago that there is only of me. Sometimes we give too much out of politeness and kindness. We get burnt out. One less thing to have cluttering the important things in your life lost... Very, very true. I think sometimes we need to be a little bit selfish and think about ourselves. Thanks for all of your advice and input TB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Youre welcome lost. No one else will look after us on this level ... We have to do it sometimes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Lost, have you talked to your parents/ family and asked for their support in the meantime? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Lost, have you talked to your parents/ family and asked for their support in the meantime? Hi penelope. No, I haven't talked to my parents/ family I feel so detached from them that I don't really see the point. I wouldn't know where to begin, or how to even begin to tell them. Mainly because I don't think they'd understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Are you sure you are evaluating the situation with your parents correctly? Is it possible that the depression just gives you a skewed view of them and their support? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost1607307474 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Are you sure you are evaluating the situation with your parents correctly? Is it possible that the depression just gives you a skewed view of them and their support? Maybe. In fact this is probably true. But even if I convinced myself they would be supportive and loving about the whole thing, I still wouldn't know where to begin to tell them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Maybe. In fact this is probably true. But even if I convinced myself they would be supportive and loving about the whole thing, I still wouldn't know where to begin to tell them. Tha's why I suggested writing a letter. You can rewrite it until you think you got it right what you are trying to express. On the otherhand: they are your parents, and it doesn't matter if you start somewhere in the middle. The important thing is to give them the chance to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
top bloke Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 One by one lost.A letter can not express feelings half as good as face to face never. If you tell them..tell them..I dont back the letter idea for telling the family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.