rangranger Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 My girlfriend left me recently and now she is seeing someone new. I suppose I will start from the beginning to give you some background on our relationship. We met when I was 19 and a sophomore and she was 21, almost 22, and a senior at our university. We spent a lot of time together and eventually we were official. A month or two later, we had confessed our love for each other. Before this, she had only loved one other man, but she left him because she suddenly lost physical attraction to him. After their breakup, she had dated/slept around with quite a few guys... until she met me. So out of all these people she has been with... she had only loved me and this first guy. We dated for 8 months until she decided to break it off. She told me that because this was my first "real" relationship, I needed to go out and have more experiences, including those with other women. Very soon after this, she began dating two different guys. One was 21 and the other a 28 year-old doctor who lived in her apartment complex. This went on for a couple months while we kept in touch and occasionally would go out for lunch or coffee... even slept together occasionally. She would tell me everything about her relationships with these new guys... she said she always wanted to be honest with me. Well, eventually she broke things off with these two guys and came back to me. We were together for a couple months, although I don't know how official this really was. I even stayed at her parents home during winter break. Eventually, she would want to hang out with the 21 year-old guy she was seeing while we were apart, and naturally I was really opposed to this. I was really upset one night because she wanted to go to his place, so I told her I didn't know if this would work out like this and I went home. The next day, I talked to her and she wanted to end things. She gave me the same reasoning that I needed more experience... and that she still loves me and that the way she feels about me will never change. She told me that she can’t say for certain if we will ever be together again, but it can’t be now. Eventually she started seeing that 21 year-old guy, but it didn't work out after a few weeks. Now she is seeing someone new. Currently, I am almost 21 and a junior and she is now 23 and a super-senior. Her new interest is a sophomore who just turned 20 and lives in the dorms. Apparently they are official now. I guess I am actually worried about this guy because I know he treats her well… has a car… flies goddamn airplanes… parents are rich and live in London. I’m pretty sure she is already falling for this guy… Anyway, she had told me she had been seeing him, but I had heard from her friend that it was pretty much official, so I went to talk to her last night. She asked me why it mattered so much if they were together and she acted as if it were not a big deal… and unlike the last time she broke up with me, she didn’t shed any tears and kept her composure. I needed to get some things off my chest so I asked her why she couldn’t be with me… she told me that “Maybe we’re just too different” “I don’t think you are my counterpart” “You don’t complete me, at least not now” but she also told me when I asked about a possibility of being together in the future “I don’t know the future… I can’t promise anything… but I will always consider you.” So here I am. She is a 23 year-old super senior dating a 20 year-old sophomore who lives in the dorms. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be threatened by him because she will graduate fairly soon and this kid still has at least 2 years to go, while I only have 1… and I believe this kid plans to join the air force and I know she doesn’t want to be with someone in the military (especially since she is Korean… and I know how her family would think about that). As of now, I’m not calling her or attempting to contact her… and I doubt she will contact me anytime soon. I know the best thing for me is to move on for now… but naturally, I just can’t give up hoping that I will have a future with her. I guess I just feel better getting this out to anyone who might be able to give me some feedback. I know most people will think, get over her and move on… I know this is ultimately what I must do… at least for now. Maybe I just want some reassurance that there is still a chance for us? And maybe that I shouldn’t be so worried about this guy? I don’t know… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 What exactly can she really offer you? She keeps using these lame excuses about YOU needing more experience when the reality is that she is a flake, promiscuous and has shallow emotions when it comes to men. Her words of love mean nothing because she loses interest very quickly. You can do so much better than her. I would really suggest you put this into perspective and see her for who she REALLY is...not for this fantastic woman you imagine her to be....fantastic women do not behave the way she has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragdoll18 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Let me get this straight. She dumps you and starts seeing 2 other guys, then she gets back together with you, only to dump you again to go be with other men. Now you want to know if you have a chance with her? Of course you still have a chance, once she gets bored with her new boytoy she'll come right back to you for comfort. Sounds like this girl can't live without having a man in her life. She's not into you, but she'll stay with you until she finds someone better. Is this what you really want to have a chance with, being this girl's doormat? I know you love her, but she does not love you, move on now it'll make things much easier for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huskiesfan Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 “I don’t know the future… I can’t promise anything… but I will always consider you.” I'd translate that as "I will consider you--as long as I don't have any other options available." This woman seems extremely shallow and very inconsiderate of your feelings towards her. She'll go around and have relationships with other men, but will flake out of relationships because she says you "need experience"? If thats not a throwaway "dumper line", I don't know what is. She seems to only want to be with you when her other relationships go off the tracks. If she truly was in love with you, she would seek out a relationship with you without having to go through trouble with her other boyfriends. Do you want to be her Plan B? Will you be willing to put up with her being flighty and constantly leaving you and returning to you based on how her "potential boyfriend" situation is looking? If the answer to that is yes, then yes, you still have a chance with her in the future. If no, then you will be much better off cutting her off. I know this advice may not be what you want to hear at this point, but believe me, giving yourself false hope will only lead to more hurt and heartache down the road, and thats something you won't want to go through. Why not look for someone who will put you first, instead of viewing you as an option or a boy toy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rangranger Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks a lot for the responses so far guys. I completely understand and agree with most of what you guys are saying... trust me, I've thought a lot about it. I know what I was getting into. I know she has a history of depression. She is on medication now actually. One time after she broke up with her first "love" she had completely stopped eating and was hospitalized for some time. It's really apparent that she has some issues... she even asked me one time if she had commitment issues, which I told her I think she does. Her friend told me that she said that for some reason, she just can't be without a man. Yes, I really do love her... It may seem naive of me... I know this. I guess it has been a little easier for me because I feel that if we ever are to be together in the long run... it can't be in the condition she is in now. As a matter of fact... she told me "When I said that you needed more experience... maybe I meant that I need more experience." I'm not attempting to make excuses or defend my position... I guess I just wanted to say that there are reasons for the way she is. It's no excuse really. So yeah, if anything this time apart will be good for both of us. If I think about the bright side, it gives me an opportunity to see what is out there, while she can figure herself out without hurting me. Thanks guys. Any and all feedback is really appreciated. Please keep em coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Yes, there are always reasons for why someone is screwed up, self-destructive and hurts the people who love her/him....but it is the job of the messed up person to take those reasons and work through them in order to overcome the issues and be emotionally healthy. It is not the job of the partner or ex to FIX the other person. Sure it helps to understand WHY a person may behave in that way, but that's where it should end...the rest is down to the troubled person to either fix what is broken within them or carry on along the same destructive path. When someone chooses to carry on with destructive behaviours it is best for everyone else to steer clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rangranger Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 So I've been reading, and I believe that she has a case of the "Grass is greener" syndrome... We were getting to a point where we were pretty serious. We actually talked about being married/having kids one day. When she was breaking up with me she mentioned that she didn't want to have mixed kids (I'm half-white, half-Japanese and she is Korean). Now... if you don't know, a lot of old school Koreans tend to want to keep their family straight up Korean... and I think her family has definitely influenced her. So I guess she must have been scared to commit to me too seriously... and now she is out enjoying "greener" grass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 So I've been reading, and I believe that she has a case of the "Grass is greener" syndrome... We were getting to a point where we were pretty serious. We actually talked about being married/having kids one day. When she was breaking up with me she mentioned that she didn't want to have mixed kids (I'm half-white, half-Japanese and she is Korean). Now... if you don't know, a lot of old school Koreans tend to want to keep their family straight up Korean... and I think her family has definitely influenced her. So I guess she must have been scared to commit to me too seriously... and now she is out enjoying "greener" grass. I think it goes way deeper than this...look at her promiscuity...it is not simply a grass is greener syndrome, she is laying down in the grass with lots of men. I think you need to stop making excuses for her and see the reality...she wants many men and she gets bored of them easily and wants someone else or several people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rangranger Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 I think it goes way deeper than this...look at her promiscuity...it is not simply a grass is greener syndrome, she is laying down in the grass with lots of men. I think you need to stop making excuses for her and see the reality...she wants many men and she gets bored of them easily and wants someone else or several people. I totally get what you're saying. I'm not trying to make excuses, I guess I'm just trying my best to make sense of things... I'm just incredibly confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rangranger Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 So now she is "official" with this new kid who she's known for maybe three weeks... and after we've been apart maybe two weeks now? Apparently a rebound... She has also been trying to call me the past couple times, but I've not been picking up. I'm pretty sure she was calling me today to tell me she was going to change her facebook status to "in a relationship" because soon after I missed her call she changed it... how lame. So I'm not sure what to do exactly... I think I will respond the next time she calls because I'm sure she will just tell me that she's official with him and ask me if I'm okay... so I guess my plan is to just be cool, tell her I'm fine, wish her luck and end the convo. From then on out, I'll maintain LC and live my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 wow, it sounds like she is the one who wants to go out there and 'get experience'. I'm sorry but I think thats bs. When you really like someone you stick around, as simple as that. The fact that she said she will 'consider' you in the future should be enough for u to know what you're getting into. It's as if you'll be auditioning to be her boyfriend. She's saying that she likes you and she will keep you in store if nothing else comes along. You are so young, you can do better than that. Get yourself together and reclaim your pride. Why wait around for someone who doesn't know what they want while you could be meeting loads of interesting people in the mean time? Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 She is really in need of a valuable lesson here. All the time, you're sitting around waiting she will continue to play you. You've got to move on and get someone you deserve that understands commitment. You ex may well then realise what a selfish person she has been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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