discombobulate Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 is it possible to love 2 people? for instance i have been with the same person for 10 yrs and i do love them but i have feelings for someone elsei am close to, and i can see myself falling for this person. my head is so messed up i cant think straight. anyone who has hd a similar situation and can offer insight, i would love to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBladeRoden Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I guess, but either person is going to be resentful if they're giving you 100% of their love but you can only give each of them 50% of your love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portage Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Now is this second "love" exciting because it is new and unchartered terrritory. Is it possibly the excitment of mutual NEW attraction, and your 10 yr relationship comfortable but stagnant?? Some questions just thrown out there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Yes. I love is not a starvation economy. We can love lots of people. Time is the only finite amount we have. But knowing you can love two people doesn't make it easier, if you want to be in a relationship with two people at once openly, that takes time, communication, bravery, and a lot of work. I talk about relationships that have room for multiple loves on my blog link removed While it isn't the best starting information, there are links to a lot of useful sites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 No, I do not believe it is possible. If you think you are in love with 2 people, chances are you are not really in love with either of them, IMO. When you are in love, you want no one else. I agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Depends on the people involved. Some people are polyamorous. I believe I can only love one person at a time, but if someone tells me they love more than one person, maybe that is true for them. I don't know...I have no reason to disbelieve them. That might be their experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 If you look deeply inside yourself I'm betting you will find there is only one recipient of your romantic love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I think it depends on the degree to which you factor loyalty into your own private definition of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chasey Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 No, I do not believe it is possible. If you think you are in love with 2 people, chances are you are not really in love with either of them, IMO. When you are in love, you want no one else. I agree with this too.... One love and the other more lust, infatuation, excitement............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girl68 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Ask Jason Mesnick (The Bachelor) he'll tell you yes for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiteless Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I believe that some people can love more than one person. I also believe that some people cannot. It isn't fair to generalize, or say that people who say they love more than one person are fooling themselves. I know for a fact that I love the three men I am involved with. I love them all equally, just differently. They are all incredibly important parts of my live, and I can't imagine even one of them not being a long term partner. Just remember, if YOU can't feel something, it doesn't mean that someone else can't. Everyone is different. Monogamy is not the default relationship structure everywhere in the world. Here is where I temper that: You say you are falling for this other person. It may be true. However, you've been with your current partner for 10 years. Things tend to mellow out around this time, and someone new and shiney can really throw a wrench into the works. There's this concept of link removed that somewhat encompasses what you are feeling. You can also term it "Grass Is Greener Syndrome". You really need to step back and re-evaluate where you are. Is it that you identify love with that sparkle that you are feeling? My guess here is that is the case. A lot of people feel like when that spark is gone, or mellowed out, that love is on it's way out. That just simply isn't the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I agree with this...especially the distinction you make about the OP's particular situation...it sounds a lot more like the "grass is greener" thing for her than it does about truly being in love with the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discombobulate Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 thank you everyone for your posts. there is alot more to the story then i have told. i am seeing a counsoler about everything. like 6 years ago the man i am with and i were broken up still seeing one another and saying we loved each other but not in a definate relationship. so any way at this time he got another girl pregnant, this hurt incredibly. while this was going on is when i met this other guy i am talking about. nothing ever happened between us, except excellent chemistry. so for some reason i thought i was able to forgive and forget about the baby and "tom" and i got back together. a few months later i got pg. we had our baby and then got married. then came our second baby, this all happened in a matter of 3 years or so. meanwhile the whole time i have been these reccuring dreams about 'joe'. they are always the same, never sexual, and i will have them at least 2 times a month. we live in a small town so it was very easy to always keep tabs on 'joe' and know what is going on in his life. so as things in my life slowed down this past nov i contacted "joe". we ended up talking all the time and feelings just started from there. so when things statred to get a little to serious i statred to see a counsoler. she told me that since i was unable to deal with my feelings about the baby "tom" had my mind just created this obsession with "joe". i am not sure if it is the grass is greener, because i now have feelins for "joe". i know i love my husband but am not sure i am in love with him. i cant keep myself from "joe", he is CONSTANTLY on my mind. and in order to make my marriage work i have to work through my issues with the baby, who my husband does not see, cuz i cant deal with it. this makes me feel very guilty, he is great father to our children, but when i even think about it i get inraged. i know i will not love her and have a hard time thinking i could even accpet her. so here is the short story. any one???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angellady Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Hi Foresaken, this is entirely unrelated to the post, but omg, that is such a cute picture of the little dog. I was hoping to see, and maybe 'borrow' a bigger copy of it. C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COtuner Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Interesting question. I don't think you can love two people in the romantic soulmate sense at the same time. However you can be infatuated, in fond friendship (that could be a form of love), family... I think the closest to what you describe that I have experienced was being deeply in love with one person, but unable to be with him (he was married to someone else when I met him, living on the other side of the country, had no clue how I felt about him), and having multiple infatuations with other people at the same time because I had to have an outlet for those emotions. I have never been in love with a man whom I was with and felt love or infatuation for anyone else. Doesn't mean it's not possible, just never experienced it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Oh Dear, this is so much more complicated than your original question. In fact, I don't really see your situation as having much to do with loving two people, at all. You've made a commitment to Tom, and you have children together. You married him with the knowledge that he had another child. You have some unresolved issues/jealousy in regard to his other baby. I agree with your counselor that there is likely some idealisation of Joe going on. In your experience, and in your mind, Joe was yours alone. BUT, this is not the reality that you have been living; it is a form of escape. Looking outside the marriage will not help matters right now. I think that the best thing that you can do (in addition to continuing with your counselor), is to work on your marriage with Tom. See a couples therapist. Seriously, you've got a complex situation on your hands, and a lot of people are involved; unbiased, external help will help both of you to find the right path to take. It may be hard to consider right now, but if you can fortify your bond with Tom, I do believe that the negative feelings that you have for the other baby will dissipate. Please try to keep this in mind, and consider it a goal. Naturally, Tom will have to be consistent, and you'll need to be be able to re-establish your trust with him before this can happen. I do not think that it is necessary that either Tom or you become best buddies with the other mother, however, the other baby is innocent, and I feel very sorry for it being denied a father, and for your children being denied a sibling. Oh, and as for Joe-- go VERY LC until you've worked through some of these other things first. He may prove to be a good friend, but I don't think that you'll be able to appreciate him for himself, and draw the appropriate boundaries until these other issues are addressed first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQD Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 not only is it possible to love two people. its possible to even love 4 people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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