babysunshine Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 We have been broken up for a year after being together for 4 years. The past two years have been long distance so he lives in a completely different State than I do. I did NC on and off and just recently broke it after two months and we started talking again. He has never ignored my calls or treated me badly, he just moved on really fast and I was left behind trying to pick up all the pieces. Now that we're talking again it's all fine except for the fact that he is doing reallllly well. I know that sounds bad and of course I am happy for him. The thing is he is traveling all over the world even going to Brazil later this month. (which is where I am from and we spent a great vacation together a couple years ago). He is doing exceptionally well financially and of course surrounded by gorgeous girls. My life is pretty crappy right now. I'm in my last semesters of school, struggling financially, a little out of shape, my car just got totalled by some girl who ran a stop-sign, unemployed.... etc. I have reached the point where I realize that no matter how much I heal he will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart and a part of me will always wonder why we couldn;t have stayed and worked it out. He was my first true love and I spent the ages of 19-23 with him by my side as a team. Since he is so busy with work and travel and vacations all over the world he is pretty bad at calling me back or even making an effort to call me. I no longer feel sad or angry but I'm just tired of it all. Obviously he was my best friend for years and knew everything about me but now I feel like we're merely acquaintances trying to hold on to something that isn't there. Sometimes I even feel the need to kind of embellish my own life so that he doesn't think I'm a complete loser you know? It gets exhausting. SO lately Ive just been thinking about changing my number and just completely focusing on me. With the mindset that I never have to talk to him again. Yeah I'm gonna miss him but there's nothing really left to save. Is this too drastic of a thing to do? Is it slightly immature? I feel that this way I will think of him a lot less (never thinking is he going to call me back? Is he going to call and tell me how wonderful his trip to Europe/Cancun/Brazil was while I'm struggling to pay rent and go to school full time) Also, we're not facebook friends but his friends that are in my network are always posting pictures of him and their adventures. I used to feel it would make me look silly if I blocked them all in order to not have to see those things but now Im thinking who cares? Link to comment
supp11 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think changing your number is pretty drastic...especially since he is not hounding you or anything. just move on, without changing your number Link to comment
elizmdavis Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with it. I can see how it would be helpful for you to move on. You would like to make changes that will help get your mind and emotions back on track - a big turnaround from feeling sad or insecure because he's not calling you. Also, I just completely got rid of my facebook. Personally I feel like I talk to everyone that I want to. Because he is on there too, I just think that curiosity is a dangerous thing right now. It would be too tempting to look at his page or bothersome to see pics of him on my friends' pages (we had similar friends). I want to move forward, not remain stagnite in any negative emotion. If changing your number won't be too much of a hassle, I say go for it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think changing your number is extreme. You can move on with your life and not expect him to call even with the same phone number. Changing phone number is a hassle and it is just not worth the effort because then you have to tell everyone else that your number has changed. Link to comment
pushforward Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Do what you feel is right for you. I changed my number, my story is different from yours. But, it helped tremendously. I don't think it's her anytime I hear the phone ring or vibrate. It's no longer her choice to contact me whenever she wants. It's all on me. For my healing, but I found out she cheated and that's what gave me the courage to delete and cut her out of my life. I think anything that improves your chances of healing or self improvement, is always worth the change. Also, do this for you, not as a way to get him to miss you, it will backfire. Work on yourself. If this is what it takes to move on. Do it. Link to comment
heartbroken9 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think changing your number is a good idea. Do what you need to do to heal. You wont constantly look at your phone wondering if its him thats calling. It'll be hard but it'll be worth it. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 It's been a year and I obviously have not been able to just let it be and move on completely. The thing is he does call at least once or twice a week and his family lives about an hour away from me so he always calls and we meet up when he comes into town. (Thanksgiving, Christmas etc...) Sometimes I'm strong and don't reply and other times I do. Like I said, it doesn't rattle me anymore and emotionally I'm pretty detached. But, at the same time, I want to just start anew and never wonder when/if he's going to call. I think I'm going to do it. Link to comment
miss_jay Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 it takes one to forget one...for you to completely move on, you need a new relationship with a new guy...but in a meantime, u can get a new number, delete his number also and delete his friends in your facebook, don`t block them otherwise you would look silly. but personnally, i would never change my number, i have had my number for 8 years now, and i plan on keeping it for the next 80 yrs...i would just delete his... Link to comment
circi Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I changed my number, and regretted it. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Circi, can you elaborate on why you regretted it? I feel like in the end I might, especially if down the road I want to contact him again. I know it's pretty drastic and that's why I am thinking thoroughly about it and asking for advice =) Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I changed my number, and regretted it. Why the regret? Oh, and to the OP some phone companies let u block certain callers. Link to comment
miss_jay Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Circi, can you elaborate on why you regretted it? I feel like in the end I might, especially if down the road I want to contact him again. I know it's pretty drastic and that's why I am thinking thoroughly about it and asking for advice =) it should be the other way around, you should keep the same number but never call him or delete his number if necessary. if you want your ex back , you should never do the calling or chasing, you should let him do the calling and the chasing...only call him if returning his calls/messages... Link to comment
pushforward Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 This isn't a game. If you are detached, then you wouldn't be weak to pick up his calls. If you don't get emotionally rattled anymore, what's the point of changing it? If you don't think you have the strength to not answer his calls, cut the source of your problem and change your number. It doesn't mean your weak, doesn't mean you're rude. You are simply putting yourself first and doing what's in your best interest. If it's going to bother you, change it. If people really want to be in your life and stick around, you changing your number will hardly make a difference. Are you fighting for you or are you fighting for him? Be completely honest, what's your ultimate goal? To heal, or to get back together? Answer it truthfully and you'll know what to do. Link to comment
babysunshine Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 The answer is to heal. I want to just fly forward and never look back. Everytime I look back it drags me down and delays my healing and happiness. I just want to start brand new and pretend all this never happened. Not that the relationship was a bad one at all but the break-up was truly one of the worst things I have ever been through in my life. I feel like changing my number will help me in the complete NC I want to do. I have some pride left and I would never call him after I changed my number because that would make me look ridiculous. Link to comment
pushforward Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 The answer is to heal. I want to just fly forward and never look back. Everytime I look back it drags me down and delays my healing and happiness. I just want to start brand new and pretend all this never happened. Not that the relationship was a bad one at all but the break-up was truly one of the worst things I have ever been through in my life. I feel like changing my number will help me in the complete NC I want to do. I have some pride left and I would never call him after I changed my number because that would make me look ridiculous. Well you have the answer you were looking for, but knowledge is nothing, unless it's applied. Link to comment
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