dazedconfused6 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Is the Silent Treatment "breaking up with someone"? How do you know if the silent treatment is just temporary , or permanent? At what point does the silent treatment become a "break up"? 2 days, a week, a month, a year? Dont most people that you've dated for a few months at least have the decency to TELL YOU that they no longer want to see you instead of ignoring you and not answering emails, text, voicemails ,calls, etc? What exactly does he want to accomplish by giving me the Silent Treatment? It's been over a month? I was dating this guy for several months. I feel in love with him, yet he continued to date me for 5 months knowing I was in love with him. He would call every single day, several times a day, for months. We've also been intimate several times. We got into a small argument where he bombarded me with a nasty verbal assault saying things like i "bought his friendship" and "he feels like a prostitute", etc etc . You could see the anger in his eyes. He's bipolar, but he's on medication (Seroquel) and he also goes to therapy ...so i dont think we can blame the bipolar disorder for the way he acts. I feel this is a form of emotional abuse. I cant stand waking up every day wondering "is this going to be the day he calls me"? During the first 3 days of the silent treatment, I sent him two text messages and one voicemail telling him "this is my last call, im not going to chase you, friendship shouldnt be this hard, if you want to call me i'll be here for you." then i apoligized for anything i may have done to set him off and asked for things to back to normal and the way they used to be. My question is, what exactly does he want to accomplish by giving me the silent treatment for over a month? Is this permanent? Dont most normal people who dump ypu atleast have the decency to A) tell you that they ARE duming you B) tell you WHY they dont want to talk to you Does this means he dumped me permanenetly, and never wants to see me again for life? Will he ever contact me again? If so, when? I'm really upset the way he treated me like I dont exist and my feelings mean nothing. What should I do? ...like you dont even know that you are dumped, and you keep trying, and texting them asking them whats wrong..,and you are really nice to them.. and they never text back for ages, and they know that you are "not together anymore" but you dont... so u are still waiting on a text or a phone call and getting your hopes up...and you hate yourself for staring at the phone... .. like what kind of person does that??.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High5girl Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 You are asking alot of questions that ppl including yourself won't have the answers to. I will say this tho, take his silence as your answer. Yes, he probably broke up with you. It's been a month right? Either that, he's really angry and is holding a grudge. Which isn't healthy. From what he said, it sounds like you were over extending yourself in the relationship. If he did not love you back, then maybe it's best that he stopped talking to you. And yes, some ppl break up with you without telling you. It's happened to me twice. It really sucks too, b/c it doesn't help with the closure. But sometimes you have to find or get closure on your own. My advice is to stop calling him or contacting him. Everytime you make contact, it gives him another chance to reject you by not answering you. Stop waiting for a call or a reply. It may never happen. If it does, it does, but don't bank on it. What kind of person does this you ask? One who didn't have enough decency or respect for you to tell you it was over. Someone who didn't have enough courage to tell they were done. Someone who wanted to avoid confrontation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate_86 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 He was a jerk to do that to you.you deserve for him to tell you why.and for this reason only you should now know he wasn't and never will be good enough or worth your time and effort.i know its really hard when you fall in love with someone and they don't feel the same but unfortunately that's life/ haha.wish i could take my own advice. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 And yes, some ppl break up with you without telling you. It's happened to me twice. It really sucks too, b/c it doesn't help with the closure. But sometimes you have to find or get closure on your own. But were you "intimate" with them for several months? ...or "in love with them?" I dont understand how someone can just turn off any feelings they had for you like a "light switch." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyBeautifu Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 It sounds like a break up to me. and High5Girl is right dont send him anymore texts, your just waisting your breath on it. I say let it go, show that you dont care and just move on. and when he does call you, dont jump right on it let it go to voice mail and then call back later, show that it doesnt bother you. theres more guys out there, especially ones who dont ignore you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High5girl Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Yes, I dated these 2 men for awhile. One was for 3 yrs. And another was for about a year. Intimate with both and loved by both. (Supposedly) Perhaps the feelings he had started to fade b4 he stopped calling. The way I see it is that, if someone does this, then they are showing you what you or the relationship meant to them. sorry, I know it hurts...but what else can it be? I also know that the more I called, more disappointed I became when I heard nothing back. It's been years since this happened to me and I still haven't talked to these men. Do I care? Nope, not at all. I moved on and I'm happy now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Wow, I must be really naive when it comes to relationships. I treat people the way I would like to be treated, especially those Ive been intimate with. I think it's cruel, vicious, and heartless to initiate 100% "no contact" on someone, even a friend, without TELLING them you no longer want t osocialize...and without even giving a reason. Yet thats exactly what he did to me without giving it a second thought. I wanted to blame it on his "bipolar", but the more I think about it..the more I realize that im just making excuses for his "bad behavior" and that he REALLY IS a *jerk* I wrote a huge email that I was going t osend him so icould get "closure"...but i never sent it because its been almost 4 weeks. but whats the worst that could happen if isend it? its not like im ever going to see him again.. im just really angry and frustrated that im so naive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HouseKitten Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I know how you feel, I didn't fall in love with this guy but I met him and we had a really great time together, he was really keen and sending me messages every day, then one night we go out and the next day for some reason, everything switched off. Haven't heard from him since. Everyone I know asks 'but why was he so keen then?!' and the worst part is probably just the not knowing But then like someone else said, if he's willing to treat you like that, especially when he knows how much you care about him and must be hurting, then do you really want to be with that? Just think, even if you did get back together, would he pull that trick out of the bag every time you did something he didn't like? Just use it as a learning experience, some people are too cowardly to just tell you they're not that into you anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Thanks. It's just that Im not like most people. I dont date people like sardines or patato chips. I dont just say "NEXT" and move on to whomever comes my way. Thats why i never go on blind dates. I know what i want. Ive only fell in love twice in my life. I will always love him, I'm just coming to terms with the fact that obviously he doesnt love me... and never will. I realize that I have to find someone else and it sucks, because it usually takes an average of 8 years for me to find the "next love"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caro33 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I just wrote on your other thread and came here to read the history. I just wanted to say that this stuff happens, and it happens because people are weak, they don't always know what they want, they change their minds, and they can also be scared off. What happened with you could be any of these things. I completely agree that you must let this go, no more contact. Nothing good can come of pushing your needs on this guy, nothing at all. If he wants you he will come calling, and then it's up to you to decide if that's what you want. My ex-fiance up and left with no notice after ten years together. I was never given a reason, except "i don't feel like being in a relationship at the moment". What? I never found out more, we never spoke again. It hurt like hell, but I moved on. As you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yes it's very cowardly on their part; however, I've NEVER heard of anyone breaking up that way, especially after dating several months. It might the new "style" to break up with someone, but it certainy is NOT normal. It's a cruel and vicious way to treat anyone who LOVES you. I wouldnt even treat my hamster that way, let alone a total stranger. I would say more than 90% of normal people TELL their partner that "it's over," and follow it up by giving a REASON "why" it's over...even if it's not a true reason. I cant believe society has declined to this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 .. It happened to OP, it happened to me....it's not that they mean to be cruel. Some people just really have a fear of confrontation. I am NOT saying it is okay - it is a cruel and horrible way to leave someone - but it's an easy out. Thanks. I realize every situaton is unique, and there is no "cookie-cutter" answer for everyone..but if someone knows that you LOVE them and are compassionate in general ( a softie) the nthey have nothing to "fear". If they would have told me the truth I could have "moved forward" so much easier. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure THEY wouldnt want to be treated the same way. But you're right, I'm angry! LOL It's been 4 weeks already. I dont know how to get over my anger ... mostly because I never had the opportunity to express my side to them....and i feel "invisible." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 So you're suggesting this person "cares" about my feelings, and doesnt want to hurt me? I don't think it's possible to hurt me any more than I already have been hurt. Honestly, I would rather know the truth, even if it's because they found someone new. It would hurt a lot LESS. At least that would make sense to me. But you're right ...everyone's different and some people cant handle the truth, and ignorance is bliss for some people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 I'm slowly realizing one of my fears coming true...that dating would turn me into a bitter, angry person. I'm trying hard to preserve my "innocence," and as the cliche goes..."love like you've never been hurt" and "dance like no ones watching." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Sounds like a coward to me. The silent treatment is just a way of distancing yourself from the other person so you start asking questons like "what's wrong?" and they reply "nothing" grrr... It's just the cowards way of manifesting doubt that lead to arguments and thereforee make it easier for a separation to take place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBP Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 he'd probably just lie to you if you had 'the talk,' anyway. Dollars to doughnuts on that one. that doesn't help, but I promise that it's true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I totally agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedconfused6 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 There are several different types, and varrying degrees of bipolar. I'm 99.999% sure it's the Bipolar in my situation after reading identical experiences available at the following link. There's 14 pages of the stuff listed at the bottom of the page. link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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