what kind of a relationship is this?

[stephla]

i know it's normal for guys to look at other women while having a gf. but my bf does it constantly,he even does it when i'm around. not just he looks at them,he comments them. i don't wanna complain about it,so we started doing it together. i'm not bi,but i started acting his way to show him i'm not bothered. the truth is,at times it gets irritating,especially if some really hot girl passes by. problem is too,i figured out who he finds attractive,and those types of girls are complete opossite of me,in looks i mean. that got me thinking i'm not so attractive to him.

 

so i started feeling a little bit hurt,and started looking and commenting other men while i am with him. not to get him jealous,i just feel it's fair to do it,since he does it with women. his reaction to it was very suprising. he said he wished when we go out all guys stare at me,but then he'd take me home and have sex with me,to "show" everyone i'm only his. i didn't like that idea. i felt cheap,and turned off by it. he gets a kick out of other men watching me,but he doesn't wanna share me? what am i a trophy?

 

we didn't work it out through conversation,so we got into this game playing. i don't know what exactly does he want from our relationship? is everything ok,and is my bf's behaviour considered normal or disrespectful? we're in our 20' and dating for over two years. i know i'll get a lot of different opinions,but thanks everyone in advance.

[mca1975]

You guys are still quite young really, BUT its just rude basically. He should not be doing that in front of you, I mean it would be natural for a guy to look, but not to make comments to you, that is bound to cause insecurity in the girlfriend. Tell him you dont like it, be honest. If he doesnt stop because its making you feel uncomfortable then he is just an a** to be honest.

[Jayar]

He's trying to make you insecure. Many guys like it when their girlfriend is insecure, because it gives them a position of power. Next time he comments on another girl, simply sweetly (but firmly) tell him "Honey, I'm not one of the guys. Please don't act like I am." This communicates both that you're not bothered, but that you don't find it acceptable for him to bring you into his chick watching.

 

Don't be mad about it, but you certainly don't have to behave in a way that you must preface with "I'm not bi". Realize that he's not doing this because he is clueless. He's got intent. If he pushes your buttons and you react CONFIDENTLY, he'll realize he isn't in control of the way you feel about yourself.

 

Lastly, if you find yourself still second-guessing his attraction for you, and find your esteem suffering because of the way your man treats you, drop him. Relationships should build you up and bring joy, not crush you and create insecurity.

[Ac143]

I know guys look at women and its "normal" but I too did not like it when I seen my SO looking at another girl in front of me...I found it disrespectful. He can do it all he wants when Im not around, I dont care but not when Im by his side. When we first started dating I made it clear to him that - that made me uncomfortable, he respects that & its funny cause I catch him "trying" so hard not to look at even ugly women LOL

 

Anyway - my point is some people are completely OK with this & others aren't. If I were in your situation I would be hurt too, that he looks at other women when with me & making comments. You need to sit down and talk to him about this but I fear that it has gone "too far" already to turn back....

 

Only way to fix this is talk to him. Is this normal or not? That's only for you to decide.

[Jayar]

I made it clear to him that - that made me uncomfortable, he respects that & its funny cause I catch him "trying" so hard not to look at even ugly women LOL

 

Just want to point out to the OP that THIS is how a man who CARES about how he's making you feel will behave. Anything else, and he just ain't that into you. Period.

[mca1975]

Just want to point out to the OP that THIS is how a man who CARES about how he's making you feel will behave. Anything else, and he just ain't that into you. Period.

 

 

This is how my boyfriend is! so sweet....

[Ac143]

Just want to point out to the OP that THIS is how a man who CARES about how he's making you feel will behave. Anything else, and he just ain't that into you. Period.

 

Yes I agree - I just find it insulting/disrespectful when a guy I am with stares at other women when I am walking by his side. I know when I see a man with his SO & he stares at me I feel bad for the OW - thinking wow her man is a pig.

 

Of course that's just me - some women/men are completely ok or indifferent about it but I think if your SO cares for you they will respect you & not do it if it makes you uncomfortable.

 

I just wanted to add - the OP did not make it clear to her BF that it makes her uncomfortable or hurts her...she kinda just played along with the game & started doing this with men & since most people are not mind readers he doesn't know it hurts you. thereforee, we can't say he doesn't "care" OP - you should tell him it bothers you and to stop. On the same note - you need to stop playing along with the game.

[ladybug726]

Yeah... not all guys do this. In my experience, jerks who are trying to make you feel insecure do this. Sweethearts who actually want to keep you around don't do it.

 

Especially if they are girls who are total opposites of you. Jeez, what a guy....

 

I know when I see a man with his SO & he stares at me I feel bad for the OW - thinking wow her man is a pig.

 

That's what I think too. I feel sorry for the girl and want to tell her to dump him, but that's not my place.