SarCareBear Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 JUST some of my poetry archive.. i reallyl want opinions opinions on anything, im trying to possibly test the water at skills and what beter way then a public forum of honest people! soft sand sprinkled all round the edges waves crash and shoulders burn diving under take your turn theres still plenty of time to splash and shout the tide's forever rolling in and out to fold and unfold the same silly songs That we may turn and play as the sun sets on our distant day but don't ignore how the sky can shed its skin and melt away into a spectrum then turn black again inviting the sappling stars to dapple their light like a spark through the air on the ocean tonight Watch, the moon may pale your face May beckon you to bask in its whispering grace How much salt-soak'ed sand may our bodies displace And perhaps only then Will we know that the world Is our greatest friend, for We're where the sea meets the skies and On the horizon, our love sees no end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthamos Posted February 20, 2004 Share Posted February 20, 2004 Overall that's really an impressive poem. I liked your rhyme scheme especailly, it's very natural and unforced. I also noticed some places where you have one 'sentance' over multiple lines which really helps it flow very nicely. It's very sweet without being overly syrupy. Great job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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