"i love you"

[stephla]

i know that actions are what matters not words,but has anyone ever been in a relationship where after over two years he still hasn't said it? i don't doubt he loves me,but sometimes a girl needs to hear it,just like a reasurance. it's awful when i say it and not get it back. so i finally asked him why he never said it? he said he was afraid,ashamed,that it's hard for him,that i love him much more,and he doesn't feel that way,so he won't say it. should this be a cause for concern?

 

it's interesting how he often says i love him so much.(it's like he's saying it to himself in my name.lol!) besides,how can he know how i feel?

 

so why does it feel like i'm forcing him to say it,why is he like that? i feel like i've been waiting for it for two years,and obviously it still won't come. it's slowly driving me nuts,and most of all sad.

 

any thoughts?

[PsychGirly]

I know how frustrating that can be.

 

I'm guessing he might feel like if he says it, then he's basically telling you that "you're it" for him, & that scares him.

 

Have you said it to him, or have you just been waiting for him to say it?

[nurse1986]

Was your boyfriend shown affection as a child?

[stephla]

Was your boyfriend shown affection as a child?

 

i don't really know much about his family,he doesn't talk much about them even if i ask,but i know that he had an abusive father,so...unfortunatelly i don't know much about effects of it all,but clearly it could have made psychological issues on him.

[nurse1986]

i don't really know much about his family,he doesn't talk much about them even if i ask,but i know that he had an abusive father,so...unfortunatelly i don't know much about effects of it all,but clearly it could have made psychological issues on him.

 

Most definitely. I don't know his past, but if he felt scared that you would reject him for saying "I love you", then he has a wall up. To break this wall down will take time. Everything gets better in due time.

 

Til then, just be sensitive to his emotions. He just needs a a little lvoe.

[cutiepie07]

What is his past relationship history like?

 

It could be that he's just scared to say it because that means acknowledging that you are the one or he associates it with commitment and marriage and he wants to be sure. There could be any number of reasons. It also sounds like he's a little insecure with the whole 'you love me more than I love you' comment.

 

I guess the important thing is, does he show it in other ways, through his actions? If it is something that you can be patient with and support, then just give him time. It is better that he says it when he really means it instead of just saying it because he feels like he has to. On the other hand, two years is a very long time. My old roommate was in the exact same situation as you, it took her bf like 3 years before he finally said it. For him though, it was his first relationship and he really wanted to be sure and he felt intimidated by all her past history.