sns256 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hi guys I haven’t been around lately because I have been busy but for the right reasons. I have been talking to this girl over the internet for about a week and a half. (e-mailing each other). Today we were talked on MSN for about 1.5 hrs. We have many things in common, so our conversations go pretty naturally and we lost track of time. Anyway I asked for her phone number yesterday in an e-mail, and she gave it to me on MSN today, and I gave her mine as well. There is one thing that is difference between us that scares me a bit. She seems to love partying and going out to clubs. Now I don’t mind some partying and going out to the occasional club, but she likes to go to clubs about two times a week! Now I know it is pretty silly of me to think this is a problem, but clubbing is not me at all. But she has said that she does like to stay in occasionally. So she mentioned that she is going to this club accross the city on Friday with her friend, and invited me to come down. She said that she had a cute red dress that she wants me to see. (She also mentions that she loves cuddling alone). She said that I should probably only come if I could get my friends to come, because she probably wouldn’t be able to chat with me too much because of being with her friends. I told her that I would love to come (not really, but I would love to see her), but it would be tough to get my friends to come out. They don’t really like going out to clubs that often either. I told her that I would find out tomorrow if there was any interest in going to the club and let her know well in advance. She said fine we will see what happens. I sort of got the impression that she thought that I didn’t want to come out, so I told her that I really wanted to see her in person whether it be on Friday or not. Now what is really holding me up right now is my own insecurities. I have never had a girlfriend, been kissed, or been on a date before. So I am very new to all of this and a little unsure what I am doing right now. Meeting the very first girl that has ever shown interest in me at a club is not my ideal location. I was thinking about taking her to play billiards (a common interest of ours) and for lunch. Should I try to get to the club on Friday? Or should I try to steer it into a more formal date for next week? Another thing is she seems to have guys climbing all over her at these clubs, but she doesn’t like the drunk guys that hit on her. There is that little voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that a girl like her would never want to do long/ short term dating with me. I know this is my shyness kicking in. I have been learning how to suppress and control my shyness, with really good results. I mean, she is still talking to me, that is good right? There must be a little bit of hope there. How should I act around her when we do meet? I can be confident when I force myself to be. I know I am going to be nervous to very nervous. I might even get tongue tied, and I am not sure if she would let me get away with things like that. =/ Either way I am going to get my first ever date out of this no matter what. I want to get this dam monkey off my back. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, but at least I won’t be 23+ and never had single date before. *Gasp* If all goes well I might even get my first kiss. Thanks for the help guys. I will probably just need some external support for people just telling me to go for it. Sorry for the long post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gd16 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Here is what you do. Pick up a telephone. Hold it to your head. While holding the phone to your head with your left hand, dial the numbers from the piece of paper with your right index finger. A tone will sound. Then hopefully she answers. Kidding, obviously. Just play it cool. But for your own sake you have to take the lead and make this work. Women won't do it for you. I am living proof of this. And, yes I know, easier said than done. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumbblonde88 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 okay so the fact she wants you to meet her at a club means that she is insecure too and wants to meet you in a place where you can see that she is a fun person and she will have her friends around her (female wingmen). If you can, find some buddies to go with you and go shake your ass. having your friends around will make you more secure too but if absolutely no one will go with you, A. find some cooler friends (kidding) and B. call her and tell her that clubs arent your cup of tea. say that you would really like to get to know her in person and offer your idea of something laid back but more personal so you can really get to know each other. Good luck and if she's not willing to meet you in a place that you are comfortable then maybe she's not the right girl (on the same hand are you willing to go out of your comfort zone for her?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sns256 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Here is what you do. Pick up a telephone. Hold it to your head. While holding the phone to your head with your left hand, dial the numbers from the piece of paper with your right index finger. A tone will sound. Then hopefully she answers. Kidding, obviously. Just play it cool. But for your own sake you have to take the lead and make this work. Women won't do it for you. I am living proof of this. And, yes I know, easier said than done. Hang in there. Thanks for the advice gd16! I know I have to take the lead. So far I have been initiating everything. I was a little shocked that she asked me to show up to the club. I have been trying to play it cool so far have succeeded for the most part. It is just that clubs make me anxious a lot of the time, and that is with friends. I couldn’t imagine how anxious I would feel trying to go there by myself. Especially in a part of the city that I have never been before. I just don’t think that I would make a good impression at that point in time. Women certainly won’t do it for us. I have found that out the hard way too. It is just recently that I have made it a point to change myself. I just sort of fell into talking to this girl. I wasn’t actively looking for dates at the time. The opportunity just came up, and I took it. You hang in there too! (I just read your other thread). I thought I was a completely lost cause before I started to examine myself last September. I never thought in a million years that by this time I would have a girl give me her number. Just keep trying. I sound very similar to yourself. okay so the fact she wants you to meet her at a club means that she is insecure too and wants to meet you in a place where you can see that she is a fun person and she will have her friends around her (female wingmen). If you can, find some buddies to go with you and go shake your ass. having your friends around will make you more secure too but if absolutely no one will go with you, A. find some cooler friends (kidding) and B. call her and tell her that clubs arent your cup of tea. say that you would really like to get to know her in person and offer your idea of something laid back but more personal so you can really get to know each other. Good luck and if she's not willing to meet you in a place that you are comfortable then maybe she's not the right girl (on the same hand are you willing to go out of your comfort zone for her?) I think asking me out to the club was more spontaneous than planned out on her part. I will try to find some buddies to go to the club. I will see plenty of them at our hockey game tomorrow. But I am almost certain that they will not want to go, but who knows it doesn’t hurt to ask. That is another thing. I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea how to “shake my ass”, other than literally. lol I have never danced before in my life. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I think that she would be willing to meet me somewhere more comfortable. I guess I will call her and offer another meeting place. I know that her free days next week are Saturday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I probably won’t be able to confirm that I can’t get to the club by late Wednesday night. So if I called her on Thursday, would that be too short of notice to plan something on Saturday afternoon? To be honest, just phoning her is going to be pushing my comfort zone a lot, and going on a regular date will be pushing my comfort zone quite a bit too. Going to a club, not even going to meet someone would be pushing myself quite a bit. At this point of my life, I just think it would be too much for me to handle all at one time. Thanks for the advice you guys! Hopefully someone can answer my follow up question. Wish me luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Good luck man.. dress to impress and look and smell your best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sns256 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Thanks for the advice! I have been thinking a lot about it today. I will probably phone her up tomorrow and ask her out for something next week. Is there anything that I can do to deal with this nervousness? Hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Other than just have a beer.. just try not to worry about it too much. Have in the back of your mind that this date isn't the be-all end-all of dates. Whatever happens, you're getting somewhere and whoever you date next (her or someone else), you'll be even more ready for. Chalk it up to experience. I've been out on a few dates recently with different women and I definitely get less nervous (no performance anxiety kinda thing). The problem with the first few dates was I was so determined to 'not screw up' that I'd create boring, non offensive conversation - leaving the women probably thinking I'm a boring guy. You just kinda have to let go and be yourself, she can like it or lump it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sns256 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks again somethngwrng! I will keep your advice in mind. I find that reading all of these different dating guides makes me even more nervous. So I think I am going to stop reading them, and just let my personality get me through it. Should I go at it assuming that we will not have a second date? I am wondering this because she has expressed that she would like to learn how to play squash. Which I play about 3-4 times a week. I was thinking that we could do it a couple of dates down the road. But it might make for an interesting and unique first date for her. Just a thought that I was having. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Should I go at it assuming that we will not have a second date? I am wondering this because she has expressed that she would like to learn how to play squash. Which I play about 3-4 times a week. I was thinking that we could do it a couple of dates down the road. But it might make for an interesting and unique first date for her. Just a thought that I was having. I think it's best to go in without expectations, not to assume that there will or won't be a second date. That's great she mentioned she wants to play squash, you could ask her out to play squash another time and see where that leads? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloudyday Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Going without expectations is the best thing to do. Besides, if you do decide to go to the club, you shouldn't expect much to happen besides dancing with her as it's not the best atmosphere to get to know someone. Hope you have fun and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Either way I am going to get my first ever date out of this no matter what. I want to get this dam monkey off my back. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, but at least I won’t be 23+ and never had single date before. *Gasp* If all goes well I might even get my first kiss. Oh great what a way to make someone feel better lol, j/k. But just saying that with the whole no experience thing and not liking clubs ... as usual with eNA I can really relate. I was with friends too when I tried clubbing and I just didn't like it (don't drink, don't dance) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sns256 Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 Oh great what a way to make someone feel better lol, j/k. But just saying that with the whole no experience thing and not liking clubs ... as usual with eNA I can really relate. I was with friends too when I tried clubbing and I just didn't like it (don't drink, don't dance) Try to remember that you can meet girls at other places than bars/ clubs. I have three other friends that are in the same exact position as myself (they have kissed a girl before). They are better looking than me, and at least have the odd girl come up to them. I don’t get that luxury. They believe that they are only going to meet their girl of their dreams at a bar/ club. I keep trying to tell them that they can find a girl anywhere. They also don’t believe that they can have a good time sober either. =/ I am the only one that is actively trying to get a date/ girlfriend right now. Although they are not aware of it yet, but they are noticing that I am changing quite a bit. When I go to clubs I don’t really like it. But I could see myself liking it if I was comfortable. IE: Be with a girlfriend, know how to dance, having a good time together, ect. I would love to dance, but never had the opportunity to dance/ learn how. I guess I could have asked the girl in question to teach me at the club but I don’t want to learn in that atmosphere. All I can say is to keep trying. I am using the internet right now because I am very uncomfortable approaching girls in real life. Once I get some experience under my belt; I bet I could approach the odd girl eventually. ------------------ UPDATE: I guess she really didn’t like me telling her that I would rather not meet her for the first time at the club and that I don’t drink. I haven’t been able to contact her since Wednesday xD. Wow am I ever glad that I didn’t waste any money going on a date with her. We had a ton of common interests and chemistry. At least she could have told me she lost interest. I guess someone’s true colours come out eventually. I am happy they came out this early. I was pissed off for about a day because she left me hanging, but I don’t need to waste my energy on someone like her. I am going to start messaging some more girls and see what happens. It was pretty fun talking to her; I want to do it again with someone else. Hell I got my first number ever! It is just one of many in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_styles Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 <...> Hell I got my first number ever! It is just one of many in the future. See this is sorta what I could use. Some "progress" even if it's failure. Still, sorry you couldn't really get a date out of it. Heh btw it's not 23+ "monkey" as such that's bad. It's just having time go by without anything happening. But yeah I'd love to get that monkey off the back. Although I still carry this foolish pride that I can meet a girl without the internet or specific intent ("go [here] to pick up") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sns256 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 See this is sorta what I could use. Some "progress" even if it's failure. Still, sorry you couldn't really get a date out of it. Heh btw it's not 23+ "monkey" as such that's bad. It's just having time go by without anything happening. That is how I see it right now. Every failure is going to get me closer to my goal of getting a girlfriend. I am sure if I don’t get insanely lucky, it is going to take me quite some time. I managed to get a hold of her very briefly today. She had a plausible excuse for being away. We are going to try and talk tomorrow. We will see what happens. I am certainly not keeping any hopes up for her. I agree that it is not so much the monkey that is so bad. It is loosing time experiencing things that 90%+ of people have experienced so far. I have wasted so much time already. I don’t want to waste anymore. I can’t afford to. I would never be able to live with myself 10-15 years down the road if I don’t get anything done right now. I would feel like such a loser that I would never be able shake that feeling from myself without a time machine. But yeah I'd love to get that monkey off the back. Although I still carry this foolish pride that I can meet a girl without the internet or specific intent ("go [here] to pick up") You sound like my friends, and myself a couple of months back. I never really thought that I would try to meet women over the internet. But it makes it a lot easier to make that initial conversation that is so hard in real life. You can also work out common interests very quickly to see if a conversation in real life would work. My reasoning for using the internet right now is to get some experience talking to girls and getting comfortable having them talk to me. I am not sure about your level of experience, but I may have had about 7-10 five minute conversations with women throughout my entire life. That is it, my total experience with the opposite sex. (I did get a hug recently, it was great! I am not used to having a girl want to talk to me about anything. That is why I said it was fun to talk to her. It is just getting me used to talking to them. Hopefully with enough practice my confidence will increase enough that I could successfully meet a girl without the internet. Since getting some progress with this one girl my confidence has skyrocketed in real life. It sort of made me realize that I in fact can successfully talk to girls. Before that I didn’t really know. There is this cute girl at the gym that keeps staring at me and smiling. I am trying very hard to get up the guts to talk to her. I haven’t yet. But that confidence is what girls are looking for. I would suggest you try the internet out to try to boost your confidence. You never know, you may even find a girlfriend out of your hard work. At least that is what I am hoping. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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