How is he so heartless?!

[Hannah13]

if you need a backstory, my last post has it all.

 

I cant believe how heartless my ex is being. He claims to still love and care for me, he just cant be with me now.

He's said very mean things to hurt me, mostly about him and his new gf (who i found out is a complete sl*t from a friend who knows someone who knows her, ha!). And i saw on facebook they were talking about me being his old ball and chain, and that there both happy he 'got rid of me' as she put it. That really makes me mad, its very un classy of both of them.

 

Im pretty bitter about the whole situation to be honest. Im angry, and hurt and i really just wanna call them both out. I didnt wanna end our talking and relationship on a bad note, but here we are. I hope the truth will come out with everything. His mom and i used to be close, but now were not, and she likes his new gf apparently. I know she wouldnt if she knew about her, like the stories ive heard. I guess theres nothing i can do anymore.

 

he said that maybe someday we'll be together. better get tested first, eh? This sucks alot, i still am madly in love with him, and i really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I really need to stop talking to him though, and quit my job where he works too. I might even change my number, but i dont want to make rash decisions, just in case.

[pumpkinmoon]

Wow I certainly know how this feels.

 

I was with my ex ex for almost 7 years. towards the end of our relationship I started getting phonecalls and texts from a number I didnt know. They were from a girl claiming that she had been sleeping with my bf for a whole year behind my back. I asked him and he even looked me in the eye and denied it. Well it turned out to be true in the end, even though he was still denying it after we had split up.

 

So I left it at that, the for the next year I kept on getting phonecalls and texts from her even though they were now official. Pathetic. In the end I had to to get the police involved because it got that bad. The police went to my his house while she was there to warn her and that was the last I heard from her thankfully, and guess what, my ex and his family still believed she hadn't been harassing me. She even phoned my house posing as a solicitor.

 

Well looks like he did well for himself and ended up with a complete psycho in the end. Recently it looks like she has been up to her old tricks again by trying to contact me, this is now around 2.5 years down the line. What a weirdo!!!!

 

 

I think you should just rise above it. Delete him from your friends list if he is on there and let them get on with it. He will probably get bored and do the same to her as he did to you or she will end up cheating on him if she is a * * * * .

 

Don't let them get you down x

[tin_tin]

He's said very mean things to hurt me, mostly about him and his new gf (who i found out is a complete sl*t from a friend who knows someone who knows her, ha!). And i saw on facebook they were talking about me being his old ball and chain, and that there both happy he 'got rid of me' as she put it. That really makes me mad, its very un classy of both of them.

 

 

Im sorry you have to go through that torture. Makes you wonder whats going through there head when they broadcast things like that to an ex, id never have the nerve to do it! Some people can be evil.

 

Well if she is a complete sl*t.......then she will probably leave him pretty soon anyway, then he will know what it feels like.

[littlej]

Forget this zero you can do better hun.

[Hannah13]

Im so emotional about the whole thing. On one hand im incredibly hurt and distraught. I love him so much. If i go out with friends, i end up crying in a bathroom about it. At home, i can barely do anything without something reminding me of him. I worked my butt off for 3 years to make him happy. Granted, i messed up when he came back. But I fell in love and never wanted anything else, and i still dont. I still love him with all my heart and want him back.

 

Then on the other hand, i feel angry and bitter, and just wish i could forget him entirely and never even remember he was in my life.

 

 

Do you guys think i should quit the job so i dont have to see him? Change the number? Delete on facebook?

[waltwhit]

Yes Yes and Yes. you need to absolutely stop calling him and detach yourself. Then you need to start the process of mending yourself and getting over him. he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. He told you there still may be a chance for you guys and he still loves you cause he wants you to wait around for him, in case he doesn't find anything better he will always have you waiting around for him. He wants you to keep a place in your heart for him, which means you will never totally get over him and that means that you will never let anyone else in. So what, you are going to wait and hope that he doesn't fall in love with someone else? What if he does? Then you end up being an old maid someday. And what if he doesn't? Then you were just the pathetic one that waited around for years and years and do you really want to be that person?

 

I think you should have respect for yourself and RUN away from this guy. Who knows what the future holds, but I would definitely get on with your life in any way possible. And I think the first three you mentioned, if possible, are a great start!

[beejcee]

hannah -

 

i know this is tough to accept but you deserve more than what this guy has to offer you.

 

based on what has happened already, i wonder if you will ever be able to trust his feelings for you if you continue a relationship....

 

right now you need to do everything that can help you make a clear decision -- even if it means quitting your job.

 

you deserve much better treatment than what you are getting..... but it sure isn't easy doing what you need to do. i am going through a divorce of my husband of 10 years due to infidelity. it hurts, i know.

[catfeeder]

I wouldn't pick a fight with either of them--else she 'wins' for provoking you, and worse, she'll know it.

 

You're way to close to this and it's impeding your ability to grieve privately and heal up--most especially your pride.

 

I'd play stupid and cheerful if you ever must cross paths, but I'd certainly avoid contact at all costs--and does it really require saying to stay the hell awAy from his facebook?

 

In your corner.

[UCLAMike]

When you are in love, you tend to overlook the flaws in their character. Well, you loved them so you were willing to overlook them. It is only until they don't need you anymore and have no use that they portray their character on YOU. Your ex is obviously very immature and his ex's immature goes well with his. Honestly, it sucks that you loved him but seriously guys like that are not worth it. There's just no way these 2 people will last long as ppl with this kind of maturity generally don't make it long enough. I wouldnt think too much about it if I were you. Do yourself a favor and block them out of your facebook. Don't call him again or pick up. Nothing he says is going to make you feel better. Nothing he does is going to convince you. Trust has been broken and you already saw his character. You are the winner here. Be thankful that you found out who he really is before you had kids and got married. You will brush this off pretty soon. Don't feel too bad about it.

 

But right now, it's important that you go NC. What they do is no longer any of your business, and vice versa. contacting/hearing his news will only hurt you. It will hurt you if he is doing well and it will hurt you if he isn't. You deserve better and I am serious. Nobody deserves a guy like that.

[mimijay]

YES get another job...

Not seing him everyday would hurt though you start to move on and get your happiness.

 

YES change your number...

NC as long as he knows your number he will always come in and out of your life whenever he feels low

 

YES delete him from facebook...

I know you Facebook stalk, you go and hope you see something of him or about him.

JUST BE STRONG!! Close your eyes and just do it delete him...

 

once you start all this things... CONGRATS. because first step is done..

[Hannah13]

Im terrified to do all these things. I guess a part of me wants him in my life even if it hurts me. i know this is wrong, and i know ill continue to get hurt, but i cant help it. I feel so lost.

[JMichelle124]

I definitely know about an ex saying they care and still love you but can't be with you... it is their way of keeping you on a leash. My ex has done it very well. He sleeps with other girls, sleeps with me, won't make initial contact but if I contact him he is all over it, he wished me a Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday but other than that wants nothing to do with me for the most part...only on his time. I think our mutual friends have finally given him a bad enough time about the way he has treated me that he is getting the hint but the truth is that they are selfish. Everything he says and does is for him... even the nice things, the mean things, the hurtful things, it is all for his benefit.

 

I know you love him and right now that is out weighing the TRUTH. The truth is you aren't seeing what the outside is seeing. Would you let a friend treat you the way he is treating you? NO! It's not okay. You are worth so much more. And I know nothing anyone says is going to make you see it from what your friends and the people who love you see, but go with the anger for now, just don't let it take you over!!! I haven't gone longer than 2 weeks with no contact and I still have him as facebook and myspace friends. My friends don't get it, I don't even get it. What am I getting out of it except more hurt?? NOTHING!!!

 

If you ever want to chat, let me know! It isn't easy and it hurts and me like you wants us to end on good terms but we aren't ever going to be what we were even if we're friends or he falls back in love with me.

 

It's over and acceptance is the hardest part.

[catfeeder]

Im terrified to do all these things. I guess a part of me wants him in my life even if it hurts me. i know this is wrong, and i know ill continue to get hurt, but i cant help it. I feel so lost.

 

I understand. It would be one thing if he wasn't with a GF, especially one who's hostile toward you--but c'mOn. You realize that he knows how to reach you if you've ever got a shot in the future--facebook or no facebook, so it's not like you'd be missing anything but torture.

 

I'd shield myself from him right now; he is certainly no 'friend'. You need some time and distance to get a clearer picture, and who knows? By the time he realizes what a mistake he's made, you could be so over him and his disloyalty that you wish you could change your address instead of just some e-settings. Give yourself a chance to go to a nice healing place. Sticking around is like writing 'doormat' on your forehead.

 

In your corner.

[Hannah13]

Well, i deleted him on facebook. Saw him tonight at work, and i told our manager i may have to leave soon due to unforeseen things that have come up in my life unexpectedly. The ex just about freaked about it, said i shouldnt quit, and flirted with me the whole time i was there, saying i looked cute today, and that it was really hard for him to not just wrap me up in his arms. I was very indifferent about the whole thing, only said things like "oh i see, or thats not really appropriate" things like that.

 

I left, and said he didnt need to text me at all. Im wondering if he found out i deleted him yet! i hope its a step in the right direction

[waltwhit]

Wow, hannah. I must say I am VERY impressed! That took a LOT of courage and, more importantly, a LOT of self-confidence and self-esteem to shine him on, even though he was flirting with you at work. It would be hard for anyone to deny the advances of someone that we find attractive and hot and everything. Seriously, girl, I am impressed.

 

way to go. You did the right thing, and I hope that you can at least start to feel good about it. It may not feel good just right yet, but I promise you, it will soon. You have done the right thing, and just around the corner something, maybe another guy or maybe not, but SOMETHING good is waiting for you.

 

persevere just like you have already done, and the world is your oyster!

 

WTG!!!

[waltwhit]

Im terrified to do all these things. I guess a part of me wants him in my life even if it hurts me. i know this is wrong, and i know ill continue to get hurt, but i cant help it. I feel so lost.

 

Seriously, look at where you have come since this post and your most recent one. WOW! I can't even believe it. You're amazing!

[Hannah13]

oh goodness, thanks! im tryin my best here. hopefully this is all gunna pay off in the end. havent talked since then, so NC is still goin, twelve hours and counting haha!

[beejcee]

doesn't it feel a little bit better when you take control of your situation and make decisions based on what is good for YOU?

 

keep up the good work and know it's okay to have sad moments and doubts about what you are doing.

 

just hang in there -- sounds like you gave your bf a bit of a wakeup call that you won't be his doormat anymore! good for you!

[catfeeder]

Well, i deleted him on facebook. Saw him tonight at work, and i told our manager i may have to leave soon due to unforeseen things that have come up in my life unexpectedly. The ex just about freaked about it, said i shouldnt quit, and flirted with me the whole time i was there, saying i looked cute today, and that it was really hard for him to not just wrap me up in his arms. I was very indifferent about the whole thing, only said things like "oh i see, or thats not really appropriate" things like that.

 

I left, and said he didnt need to text me at all. Im wondering if he found out i deleted him yet! i hope its a step in the right direction

 

HoOrAy! You get this week's breakup hero award.

 

Good for you. Especially for not taking the bait. Tell him to tell it to his GF--he's being disloyal to her, too.

 

In your corner,

Cat

[Hannah13]

Thanks guys. Today was especially hard. Everything reminded me of him and made me miss him. But i went to work(he was not there) and heard from a friend of mine who knows my ex in passing, that he thought he was pursuing this girl while he and i were still together, just a month ago, and that this girl has more of a reputation than i thought!. I felt so much anger, and wanted to contact him and tell him off, but didnt.

 

I also heard that on NYE, she was at a party without my ex, and was trying to hook up with other guys. Now, i dunno if this is true, but it seems legit, considering her rep.

 

I will however, see him tomorrow at work. Im wondering if maybe i should mention what i heard to him...as much as i dont like the relationship, i do not want him being played and made a fool of. Should I? Or just maybe hint that i heard she was not treating him well? OR nothing at all?

[tin_tin]

I will however, see him tomorrow at work. Im wondering if maybe i should mention what i heard to him...as much as i dont like the relationship, i do not want him being played and made a fool of. Should I? Or just maybe hint that i heard she was not treating him well? OR nothing at all?

 

 

Most certainly not! Like you said she's a sl*t

Let him find out by himself, its not your job to mention it to him.

 

Good chances are she will end up leaving him soon. Let her make a fool out of him like he made a fool out of you.

Then im pretty sure after she ends it with him, he'll be sucking up to you. Ive seen it happen before.

[manup7228]

haha, you most certainly should not say anything to him, he'll find out in time. it'll be your little secret, which should kind of make you feel a little empowered.

[catfeeder]

I agree with the above, the less you say to this guy going forward, the more dignity you retain. Ehm, and the more mysterious you become.

 

Let his $!ut problem unfold for him in true karmic fashion while you hold your head up and keep moving forward.

 

Besides, nobody ever regards an ex's comments on a current fling as anything more than sour grapes, anyway. So just step over all that nonsense. Don't engage gossip or listen to it--even well meaning people tend to set you up for self-humiliation. Don't go there.

 

In your corner.

[Hannah13]

Well, an update of sorts....

 

I saw him at work. He kept trying to talk to me, coming over to the cashier spot which is right next to where his station is with grocery. He said he had some stuff to tell me, mostly about his family. He kept coming over after that, asking about a guy im kinda seeing now(were just friends, i dont know where my ex got this but i told him that yes i was hanging out with this guy, and that we were just friends for now) and kept trying to talk about his gf.

 

When i finally just said for him to go away, and that i didnt care, he got defensive and asked if there was something he should know about her! I was like, WHOA. It seems like he might be finding out about her true colors maybe...either that or the friend of ours gave him the heads up that he told me, and the ex was just testing me.

 

At closing time, im supposed to help him(of all the people, geeze!) close. So i went over, he was sorta mad at me for not telling him stuff i guess, but i didnt care really. Well, we went into the back for some of the closing stuff, and he tried to hold my face and talk to me! I was like, NO WAY YOU HAVE A GF! He backed off a bit, and outside he started talking about how he missed me and such, again.

 

He showed me that he still keeps all my love notes to him in his wallet and car, and that he still wants me. I was just like, "You chose her, let all this stuff with us go, or else youll be upset and sabatoge your new relationship, not to mention make yourself bitter." He wanted me to read one of the notes, so i did, and he started crying. I was shocked...i didnt know what to do. He said he had to leave, cause all he wanted to do was cuddle with me and be with me the whole night. We both left, and he called me crying and said he cant understand why he still wants me. I just kept saying it didnt matter anymore, he had her. I then told him i just wanted him to be careful.

 

We stayed on the phone for a while i guess, not sure why i put myself through that. He said ill never realize how much i hurt him. Then he started talking about sex, and at that point, i realized it was WAY innappropriate and not fair to his gf, and i said we should just get off the phone. He said he was sorry, and we left it at that mostly.

 

 

I think he likes this girl alot, but i just dont understand him at all now. I dont think he was being manipulative, after 3 years i usually can tell when he is. But i have to see him again tomorrow at work...i think i just might do the silent treatment no matter what he tries. Sorry this was so long!

[Hannah13]

Ugh another update.

Worked with the ex again, said the same stuff to me. I just dont get what his deal is. He has this girl now. He likes her alot. Cant he just leave me alone? Granted, i love him and at times a like the attention. But god, it makes me feel like complete crap later, cause at the end of the day he's with her.

 

He told me he knows that if later on in the year he and her break up, he knows ill get back together with him no matter what. THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG FOR ME!!! I need him to believe that i will never ever be with him again, even if i will. I think this is why he's trying to keep in contact, because he knows someday we'll get back together. But i need him to feel like we wont, and that i mean business this time(usually when i tell him something like that, i go back on my word, so he thinks ill cave again) How can i do this and make him see?