It's been a year, but I only just started NC (30 days)

[babysunshine]

Its been almost a year since he broke up with me but we have been in contact ever since. He didn't want to lose my friendship and I didn't want to lose him.... Anyways, for the past 30 days I have been NC and plan on doing so for a long, long time. I realized that if I didn't pull the plug on this that I could be in this same emotional turmoil for years. Seriously years.

 

We have been broken up a year, but in reality my true healing has only started this past month where I have completely done NC.

 

The longest I did NC this past year was 40 days, but I missed him so much that I caved. I know their are a lot of people on this site that just recently broke up with someone but I would love to hear from some people who have been broken up for a while and still kept in contact with their exes. What was the final straw that broke the camels back in order for you to truly move on? and how long did it take you to truly heal?

[gee]

Hi babysunshine,

 

Same here. She broke up with me a bit over a year after (4yr relationship). I stayed in NC/LC for awhile. I was a total mess! I missed her and obviously loved her that I couldn't do NC! I tried my best to reconcile with her, but I always ended in a dead end. I think it took me 6-7 months after the break up to go true NC! I for some reason felt in my heart we would get back together. I really believed this, but it never happened.

 

She would initiate contact and me not knowing better always was there for her. She would call me for advice and tell me how things were going. I was wrong to think that she wanted me back.

 

I was told by friends/family that she was seen around with a guy or different guys (even immediately after our break up). People held this information from me because they knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. I didn't want to accept it at first. This was the main reason why I walked the other way and started ignoring her calls/texts, blocked her on facebok, etc. She was stringing me along and I let her do it to me. I take full responsibility and I don't blame her because I should've gone NC the minute she said, she didn't love me anymore, had no feelings for me and met someone else that has way more to offer her than I ever will. I was in denial and didn't want to hear it. It hurt but you know how love works.

 

I've been in NC for about 5-6 months now. And like you I've been broken up for a year, but I started healing when I went hardcore NC. I'm still healing, but I'm in a better place now. I would've done anything, I mean anything for a chance to prove to her the depth of love I have for her. Now, I don't even know if I would ever want to be with her again. NC works! Never thought I would say that before, but it does.

 

I'm not sure if she is in a relationship and I don't want to know. Better if I just move on the way I am and hope for the best in 2009

 

I hope you continue doing what you are doing and don't cave in like you have in the past. This is your ticket to getting yourself back to normal. Keep up the good work. Good luck.

 

gee

[Elsewhere]

Sorry to hear that - I have been in a similar situation. Just when I was feeling a little stronger he would call and flirt with me, put some empty hopes in my head... I wasn't able to fall for anybody else.

Then I changed my phone # and didn't tell him (I was switchig companies - didn't do it intentionally because of him).

 

Of coarse l called him after a month or two but his number wasn't active!

I started seeking contact pretty desperately: but he deleted his facebook, I was calling all his friends I knew - but they all had his inactive number. I couldn't believe I'll never see him again.

It's been a year and 8 months and with my sober eyes I realize I am so happy it didn't work out cause he really wasn't worth me

[charity]

sigh..... yeah, me and the ex have been broken up for 5 months but i've only now gone into LC for the last 2 weeks. we have 2 children so thats why i cant go NC. its also the reason why i find it so inconcievable to let him go. after we broke up we were in constant contact, said we would be friends and thereforee great parents . the problem i guess is that if we are genuinley being friends and getting on well and supporting each other, then we would start to wonder- why cant we be together? we should be a family etc etc. this really held me back as i was constantly hoping we could try again. then he told me he was kinda getting involvolved with someone and i flipped. i realized that a year will pass and i will still be stuck in the same place while he will move on. so i started LC. basically he calls and talks to the babies and then i just end the phone call as quick as i can without being rude. if he starts to talk about his life i just say ''i'm not interested''. then he's usually like'' wow, you are mean''.... sigh..... it just has to be this way. anything else would be me just pretending to be nice and cool while going to pieces inside. ahhhhhh......its so hard. i know exactly what i have to do . i wish i had started it when we first broke up. don't know how long its gonna take me now to get over it.

 

messed up today. both kids and i have been sick all through xmas and i was feeling kinda down. plus have been dreaming very sad dreams about him. then when he called I started a personal conversation about this new woman and he was basically like'' so i can never be with another woman right''. so of course i come accross like the jealous clingy woman i've been trying NOT to be for the last 2 weeks. so this has set me back a bit and i feel a bit sheepish now.

[babysunshine]

Thanks everyone, it does help a little bit to know some others are going/went through the same thing. It just sucks to know that I helped him heal this whole time by being there. He was able to have my friendship, my company, my advice all while he was out healing, partying, and hooking up with a bunch of people. So now, even though I truly am doing NC to move completely on, I don't even get the satisfaction of having him miss me a lot.

 

I truly admire those who go NC the minute after someone tells them they don't love them anymore. I vow to myself that I will do that the next time. I just want this all to be over. It's seriously shaken me to my core. Thanks again for the support everyone.