Got Dumped? Learn From me

[rich_1517]

Hi fellow obsessors

yeah its true they leave and no matter how hard we try we cannot get them out of our mind. Worse we cant get our feet grounded long enough to deal effectively with it.

 

Even if you are lucky enough to find this site early in the process, you can still make mistakes based on a lack of objectivity.

 

So first the donts

1. even if its week 1 or week 5 etc. ask yourself if you are being the real you, or are all your actions, thoughts and desires showing you want this back? no matter how hard I tried and kept conversation to a minimum situations did come up that showed my hurt.

 

Why? becuase i was and it was only a matter of time before she (in my case) pushed hard enough to make contact that it "leaked out". The sad fact is any action taken during this time of obsessing will not come out right, in my case i thought asking for time was a good idea, no it showed i was hurt, everything showed i was hurt. its a good idea to ask for time if they keep doing emotional drive bys to make themselves feel good, but not if you want to project emotional health.

 

The only thing that didnt show i was hurt was when i did the "no contact" approach on this site. see link removed

 

1a: so what to do? nothing, nothing nothing, unless you have your feelings under control enough to be a little distant from it, do not meet. In my case she pushed for "helping" this lead to a five hour "non date" and i was fine for four hours of. it was like old times, then dinner came and i had to ask "whats up?" (DONT). this lead to me hurt when i didnt get the response i wanted, she felt bad, etc, etc.

 

If you arent under control, do the phone thing but only get together if you can envision walking away from it hearing "im still deciding" "no i havent changed my mind" "i was lonely" "i just missed you", etc. the fact is they are still going through things their own way, with one very powerful point in their favor: They broke it off, it feels easier at first for them to contact you, less agony or lack of clarity.

 

Ideally, if you are like me and had three weeks of obsessing about it before you landed in the "oh my god" phase of how big i had made this thing in my mind, i gave so much power to it that i know for a fact that A: it made her uncomfortable and no longer "easy" to just call me up. B: i was not the guy who she loved before, i was a shadow of it, damaging to getting back, extremely damaging to my feelings about myself.

 

No one can say "no contact" and being strong will get them back, we dont control what they will do, but obsession is a killer, pure and simple. let them go, do not call, do not send flowers. let them go and get back to being yourself as quick as you can, start going to movies and coffee and etc RIGHT NOW. the point is even if you are suffering but want them back the sooner you get back on your feet the more attractive you will be.

 

In my example i started dating, I am honest about it with the girl i date, that i am not looking for anything right now, but do not tell them you are mourning a loss. show up, have fun. One of the things you will immediately notice is just how out of sorts you are, how much we have become removed from life. use these signs as signals to change. smile, actively listen to your friends or date and do not talk about "it".

 

I can't promise that it will go fast or slow but it will go which is a lot better than sitting at home wondering if they will call and holding onto dark thoughts until all the life drains out. yes thats what some of my days are like

[Beec]

Wow, that's a good way to put it. Obsession is a killer, as it not having control of your emotions.