Hannah13 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Alright hopefully this wont be long.. My now ex bf and i have been texting alot lately. We dated for 3 years, he broke up with me in September, we got back together in late November when he came crawling back. I treated him like crap, and lied about some things, mostly to protect myself which i now know was a huge mistake, and he left again. Less than a week after breaking up the 2nd time, he had a new girlfriend. Now, he texted me on Sunday after being in NC and weve been talking. He says he misses me and surprisingly weve had good text convo's. But, whenever i mention maybe giving me another chance, he says that he likes his gf(though he doesnt really act like it when talking to me, sometimes he gets inappropriate like saying he still loves me)and he just cant be with me right now. He said later on down the road maybe. What do i do now? If i really didnt think he was right for me, id move on and find someone else. But, i want him, forever. He doesnt want to stop talking.... Everytime i stop talking to him he texts me first...should i not respond? I just dont know how to handle this. Should we keep talking? If we dont will it ruin my chances of ever being with him? He's even said he and his gf probably wont last longer than like, the summer. But isnt that just keeping me on the backburner?? I dont think thats fair. What do i do now?! Link to comment
Loki71 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 He says he can't be with you right now cause he wants to keep you on standby. Right now he wants to be free and be able to see who he wants when he wants. By telling you he still loves you and maybe down the road he is hoping you will wait for him. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Definitely don't talk to him anymore Hannah. I think that he is keeping you on the backburner, and you're right, it's not fair at all. What you should do is not respond or initiate text messages or any sort of contact with him. You'll have a chance to step away from the situation and reevaluate it for what it really is (Might even take a couple months) - Trust me, it is worth it. Let him live happily with his new gf in his new stupid relationship for a few months without contact and he'll see what he's missing. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 i agree - he's keeping you on the back burner in case things with this new girl don't work out. i wouldn't stand for that. i would really stop talking to him and have a clean break. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Agree .....you are plan B for when plan A is not convenient anymore. Say to him, "hey I love you too and this is just too painful. If and when you're available 'down the road', that's when you can get back in touch with me" Don't wait around for him and don't be this secret girl on the side....muster up your self respect and stop this texting stuff. It's not good for you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Agree .....you are plan B for when plan A is not convenient anymore. Say to him, "hey I love you too and this is just too painful. If and when you're available 'down the road', that's when you can get back in touch with me" Don't wait around for him and don't be this secret girl on the side....muster up your self respect and stop this texting stuff. It's not good for you. Yep! Then you can focus on your own healing, and you'll be proud of your dignity. You may grow to question whether a two-timer is good enough for you. If you decide that things could work out with this guy in the future, then make a window of time for NC so you'll understand that 'future' does not mean 'now'. Then you're free to work on yourself and deal with the future later--when you're on higher ground. In your corner. Link to comment
Hannah13 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 thanks guys. i started NC yesterday right after he said something pretty hurtful to me. I broke it today but im determined to get back on track. I told him that i was sorry for everything, that i loved him and would always care about him, but that i hoped he is happy now. This is killing me to be honest. I thought about changing my number...because he ALWAYS texts me first when i initiate NC (except for this time, ha). Im just scared that ill get sucked back in if he ever were to contact me again while still being with his gf, or contact me with no intention of getting back together (he did that 3 times in the time we were broken up before, from september to november) BUT, i do not think that a relationship in the future can be ruled out, so how would he be able to contact me if he eever decided he wanted to be with me again, permanently? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 ok - if he does decide one day to find you, i'm sure he can. especially if he's resourceful. he can use google, he can call your parents and ask for your number, he can contact your school's alumni association, or if he is REALLY desperate - he can hire a PI. what i'm saying is if he really really wants to find you, he will. so you can go ahead and cut contact, he'll find you if he wants you. Link to comment
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