kadjar Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Wrote this poem the other day for my girlfriend... Its not my favorite, i was torn throughout the poem - i wanted to create something deeply symbolic and with discreet meaning, but i also wanted to write something beautiful that she would be able to better appreciate. Any feedback positive or negative would be awesome - thanks! ------------------------------------------------ Untitled (yet) ------------------------------------------------ hearts may leap, but feelings soar folded, tucked the purest wings, sparkling new snow under glistening light soft the feather, how it glides slowly from the clouds above Aphrodite trembles in quiet malevolence angels part before her she walks on the breeze and rests on a cloud no single word suffice her Oh, what presense cast on me is yet that with my eyes i cannot see? where doth this fog of sight reside but splayed betwixt my heart and mind? For the backs of eyelids show sight which blinds the heart with light what i see cannot be seen for mortal eyes rest on the skin If more than goddess there do be more than that she be to me my heart for hers, her heart divine Lord forgive me for taking what is thine A treasure none are worth to keep Compassion full and beauty deep My love is all i have to give I lay my Pauper bread at my Queen's feet Reaches, she and grasps my chin raising my eyes to rest in hers there, the presense on me cast Blinded be, yet still i see past through beyond two stunning orbs, a starlit sky A reflection shines above, my gaze wanders from a feather --------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDraw Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 Hi Kadjar, Your right, it's deeply symbolic. I don't know your girlfriend, but I hope she has a high intelectual. It's difficult to grasp the deeper intention of your poem. Took me a few times to completely understand what you were trying to say (but hey, I'm a Guy). She has to see herself, maybe even recognize herself, in the words you use. I hope she can. Maybe you need to explain some things but if you are as "romantic" and "deep" as you seem to be (reading your poem), and she knows you in this way, she will understand and appreciate it. Good Luck Greetz, Mrdraw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neva_black_n_white Posted February 14, 2004 Share Posted February 14, 2004 your poems very mind prevoking. it seems as if your trying to say that you dont deserve what youve been given. its strange, but possibly that you see your girlfriend as sonething more than what you could have ever dreamed of experiancing. its a deep poem, with true beauty. and yeah, she needs to be pretty intelligent, i mean i couldnt piece, or analyse all what was said, even with my opinion. kel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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