android Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 whats this all abt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 whats this all abt? its a reply to annie's question. My reply is in blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 I agree totally with Annie24. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 but tinu - regarding 'settling' - don't you think it is better to 'settle' for a good, loyal man, but who maybe isn't the best looking guy out there (like that guy where one of his legs was shorter than the other) vs. settling for this guy - who is halfway accross the country, is not honest, and you've never met him before? ok, i get what it means to be a woman and wanting to settle down and have children - but ok, if you are going to do that, why not pick a good guy, maybe not the hottest or flashiest guy, but one with a good character? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veda999 Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 well thats what i meant... what do u think veda999 ? Are we going a bit too far in thinking there? I dont want to impose my thoughts on the OP. It happens sometimes on ena. Its her happiness thats important after all. it confuses me that he gets involved with OP at the same time he starts dating another woman. But I agree, if I have feelings for someone I don't get intense with another person. He is upset that she was not jealous, wow, if I were OP and I cared alot I would go out there and meet the guy and resolve this in person, otherwise she will always wonder. I have found that action is better than non-action and if you make a mistake at least you have clarity. I wouldn't let the other woman get in the way. I have found that men can be swayed any time. Do you agree android or am I too liberal with men? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karmageddon Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I think the concern is that his character is being called into question. This early on he just doesn't sound like a real stand up guy. Just my 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 but tinu - regarding 'settling' - don't you think it is better to 'settle' for a good, loyal man, but who maybe isn't the best looking guy out there (like that guy where one of his legs was shorter than the other) vs. settling for this guy - who is halfway accross the country, is not honest, and you've never met him before? ok, i get what it means to be a woman and wanting to settle down and have children - but ok, if you are going to do that, why not pick a good guy, maybe not the hottest or flashiest guy, but one with a good character? These type of posts always tend to confuse me.... honestly how many women out there are thinking "oh he is such a good guy.. awesome sense of humor.. i should be with him" versus "gawd... he is so hot.... i totally want to be with him" ?? Any given day looks and the physical attraction over rides everything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 He is upset that she was not jealous, wow, if I were OP and I cared alot I would go out there and meet the guy and resolve this in person, otherwise she will always wonder. One thing she can be quite certain of is that this is a guy who tests women by trying to make them jealous. This is not someone with whom a healthy relationship is possible - no wondering involved here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veda999 Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 One thing she can be quite certain of is that this is a guy who tests women by trying to make them jealous. This is not someone with whom a healthy relationship is possible - no wondering involved here! I agree that he may be testing her but I respectfully disagree that this is unhealthy or that he is not capable of a relationship. In fact, I think it is a very good screening device on his part. I would want to know right away about someone's mental state. I think all men test women and visa versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I agree that he may be testing her but I respectfully disagree that this is unhealthy or that he is not capable of a relationship. In fact, I think it is a very good screening device on his part. I would want to know right away about someone's mental state. I think all men test women and visa versa. If they are in a relationship then may be its ok... they aren't even Dating and he wants Tinu to be all jealous about him talking to some girl? He is a stupid guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 I got 2 emails from that man. In his 2nd email he sent some sleazy love song (something like I'm looking for my love, I want to hold her tight in my arms... Come on, am I so cheap that a man would send me such songs?) I wrote him an email "I mind your sending such songs to me. I've made up my mind. I don't think we click together. Good luck!" Last time when we talked, he said "if you stop communicating with me, I'll catch next flight and come to your town." then he took a pause, smiled and said "I'm just kidding." Considering how clingy this guy is, I'm concerned that he will show up at my school. I can't even block his email ID b'coz I'm afraid he will show up if I cut all contacts with him. I hate myself for giving him a chance. I'm really afraid. What can I do? Call and talk to him once for all? He keeps demanding to be friends. I honestly want no contact of any sort. Thank you for your input. Additional info. (if this is gonna help) In my last conversation with this man, I told him "depending on my parents' wish, I may decide to go back to my home country for good after my graduation. So, before I have a final talk with my parents I can't take any decision. I'm not gonna involve myself with anyone here b'coz I want to be able to pack bags in 1 night and leave the country if I need to." (My parents are going through some rough time back home and may require my presense there. I didn't share anything in addition to what I've written here about my home situation with him.) I said this in addition to what I wrote previously (about my conversation with him about him n the other girl). His reaction "I like everything about you except this thing. I don't like that you put your parents first. Though, I must say that they are lucky to have a daughter who cares for them so much." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Tinu - how much information does this guy have regarding your address, school etc? It could be that it's all 'talk', and he won't do anything about it anyway, but if you're seriously worried, print off his emails and take them to your local police station. See if any protection's available; there may not be until he does something definite, but find out. By all means contact him to end it one and all. If he persists in this stalkerish talk, explain that you've already been to the police as a precaution, that you're going to block his email ID and whatever else you need to do to cut ties with him. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
android Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Tinu - how much information does this guy have regarding your address, school etc? It could be that it's all 'talk', and he won't do anything about it anyway, but if you're seriously worried, print off his emails and take them to your local police station. See if any protection's available; there may not be until he does something definite, but find out. By all means contact him to end it one and all. If he persists in this stalkerish talk, explain that you've already been to the police as a precaution, that you're going to block his email ID and whatever else you need to do to cut ties with him. Good luck! I guess she's right. You dont have to worry your head off but i suggest that you telll him that this relation is over and that you've given his emails in print to the cops. He doesnt sound to be a strong guy to me, probably a coward... but concern an elder, someone who u trust and let them know about this, as a security measure. And once and for all cut all contacts... You'll be alright. Try and relax.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Tinu - how much information does this guy have regarding your address, school etc? It could be that it's all 'talk', and he won't do anything about it anyway, but if you're seriously worried, print off his emails and take them to your local police station. See if any protection's available; there may not be until he does something definite, but find out. By all means contact him to end it one and all. If he persists in this stalkerish talk, explain that you've already been to the police as a precaution, that you're going to block his email ID and whatever else you need to do to cut ties with him. Good luck! I didn't give my address, phone no. (I'm the one who calls him using a phone card, so everytime I call, he sees the phone card company's no. not mine. I do that with all men until I trust them enough). But I live in a small town and my school has student's pictures along with their major available for the world to see on school's website. So, its not difficult to go to the secretary's office and say "I want to meet xyz." He didn't say that (he will catch the next flight) in his email (quite smart!). He said it on phone which I haven't recorded and can't unless I have his permission (I think, as per CA law). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 He emailed me this morning and said "I'm sitting in my bed shocked! We both know that we click. We have so much in common (I mentioned it here as well). But I've decided to give the other girl n you both to God and see what He decides. I'm tired of pursuing you both. The other girl can't communicate well. You can but you don't want to. You have spoiled my holidays. Call me if you want to talk." I feel bad. They are having celebrations. I should have waited to say this to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 When a guy tells you to keep talking to him but keep seeing other guys, he is not itnerested in anything other than casual dating. That is aobut the only advice i can offer to you. IF you are ok with that, cool. IF you want more than that, please don't wait for it to happen. It likely never will. I dont think the holiday was the best time to have sent him that message, but he sent you songs you inferred as being sleazy and you resopnded. Do not let him guilt you with this "you ruined my holidays" thing. IF you were important enough in his life to have that kind of POWER, to ruin his holiday, he never would have told you to keep dating other men. He sounds manipulative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 When a guy tells you to keep talking to him but keep seeing other guys, he is not itnerested in anything other than casual dating. That is aobut the only advice i can offer to you. He is serious. I know that. B'coz he said "I'm gonna finalize something with the other girl when she comes back. But if you n I feel attracted to each other, I promise you, I will date you exclusively." To me he did sound honest when he said that. We have been talking regularly and I do think that he means what he is saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I can't believe this is happening again... honestly Tinu, where do you find such nut cases? there was another guy that sent you love songs right? Have you even met this guy in person yet? I do not understand how this guy is already behaving like he is your boyfriend... If he is this way now imagine how he would be when he actually becomes your boyfriend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I can't believe this is happening again... honestly Tinu, where do you find such nut cases? there was another guy that sent you love songs right? Have you even met this guy in person yet? I do not understand how this guy is already behaving like he is your boyfriend... If he is this way now imagine how he would be when he actually becomes your boyfriend it's not that grym. it's more the fact that tinu is giving him the benefit of the doubt even through all the Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 it's not that grym. it's more the fact that tinu is giving him the benefit of the doubt even through all the i agree.... this is looking like a pattern now... same type of men... same type of BS. i seriously can't imagine a guy sending love songs to a girl that he is not in a relationship with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 i agree.... this is looking like a pattern now... same type of men... same type of BS. i seriously can't imagine a guy sending love songs to a girl that he is not in a relationship with the pattern can only be due to one thing. tinu needs to look at the signs more and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 the pattern can only be due to one thing. tinu needs to look at the signs more and move on. I agree ghost. She is ignoring very glaring signs early on. And getting too attached to guys she has not met yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grymoire Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I agree ghost. She is ignoring very glaring signs early on. And getting too attached to guys she has not met yet. yea... 'getting too attached early on' is a bad thing.... i have learnt it from my experience... on a side note, JS and Ghost, can you provide your input in my thread that i have started in the Health section? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedStar Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 The "if you love someone set them free" saying is more for people who were in love or really love someone, and for whatever reason - either that person left or they just can't make it work - then you set them free. The saying is that if they left you and find you really were the one, they'll come back. I don't think in the case of a man you talked to online it applies, because tinu, you are not in love with this man you hardly know....isn't that pretty doubtful? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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