Are you one of those people...

[abriellek]

That continuously gets stepped on by other people?

Honestly, if you are, and you're happy, I'd love to hear from you. Any advice on how to live your life, and be confident.

I'm a people person. I feel alone a lot of the time in my current situation. It feels like every time I become good friends with someone, after a short period of time they get sick of me and 'leave me.' It's not just a disapating friendship either, it's a huge, blow-out, nasty words exchanged fight. They say horrible things to me. Tonight, the person I have been best friends with for a year, after lying to my face and me calling him out on it, said to me:

"And you wonder why you have no friends, haha. Try to be a lil nicer. Merry Christmas!"

This kind of thing happens to me all the time. People use me to get them things, to get closer to other of my friends, or for whatever else they need. People say I'm a b*tch, or that I'm nasty, and mean. However all the people I've been friends with the longest (since elementary school, and I am now 20.) say this is untrue and they have never thought that about me.

I try to be confident in myself and I feel like I am, but when these sort of things keep happening to me, and I keep being used and left by other people, it's hard to stay confident or happy with myself. I don't know what to do.

[MyheartorHis]

I never get close enough to someone to be best friends with only other than twice.. big mistake. But you just gotta hold your ground, you can't be there for someone who isn't going to do the same for you. Just gotta find the right friends to spend that much attention to, and those kinds of friends that are worth it... are very rare....

[catfeeder]

I understand. This is more common than you might think, and it's why you may have heard all kinds of statements about true friends being rare--and if you can count the number of true friends over the course of a lifetime on one hand, you're still lucky.

 

Well, good news is you're still young enough to maybe not know this yet, but people do cycle into and out of our lives. The ones who matter most will usually cycle back in when the time and life conditions are right. I've let go of trying to control this, and sure enough--it DOES allow us to enjoy new experiences with old friends even while we continue to form new friendships with people we value in different ways.

 

But here's the rub--you can't burn your bridges. In other words, learning to duck out of drama and volatility IS your best friend. Avoid placing too much expectation onto any given friend, and this will reduce the urgency and perception that every little slight is a major deal breaker. It will enable you to form more than one friendship at a time, and that's key to avoid smothering anyone.

 

No adult relationship can carry all the weight of trying to be another person's 'everything' in the same way one single best friend could pull that off when we were kids. So the idea that we need to diversify and find different people to meet different needs in our lives signifies maturity.

 

Reducing intensity doesn't mean your relationships become meaningless--just the opposite. It's like replanting them in bigger pots so the roots can grow stronger.

 

Head high, and in your corner.

[android]

Feel sad for you... "hugs"... Well i'm someone who's kind of been through this. I dont know what i'm going to say is going to help. You need to know to love yourself first. Like you said, you have some good pals at school they dont think the same about you. So you dont have to worry about yourself if you have not changed much from the past... You know, the way you behave sometimes might trigger some people against you sometimes, specially when they dont know you much. Me myself, i'm a college student and i'm like free with everyone and talk quite sweet a bit. So i started getting the name of an unliked sugarboy from the gals. I do have some good companies and they find me ok but the rest of the gals, i dunno. I have had very rude experiences from some of them who are very nice to everyone else but they dont seem to like me.. It kinda hurt me bad initially, but then i started looking back at the way i had come, all my old friends were really good and they never had a second opinion about me..

 

I think i could give you the following advice:

1) make sure you dont show anyone your sad or angry face till you know him\her well and they do know you well as well!!! This is not to say that you start shouting at them the day you feel that they understand you...

2) Give them always the kind of love and attention they want from a friend like you. Depends on their character.

3) dont expect everyone to be your friend

4) never get too close that it does not allow space to breathe. You know the whole thing about friendships lies in keeping that safe distance so that each one has his\her own space to emote.

5) Dont look for friends, it happens in life. This was told to me by my best pal anne and i've found her right.

6) This is the most importatnt thing, forgot to put it first, believ that you are a good person within yourself and accept the good and positive and discard the rest.

 

Of course its easier said than done. If you'd want more help, feel free to post here or pm...

 

As a friend, count me in.. take care..

[android]

And yeah, point 7) Dont be dependant on anyone....

[25thfloor]

excellent advice. always keep the friendship in balance...don't give more that they do, and don't ask more than they do...not for a really long time, anyway...don't express your negativity and neediness. be strong and happy around folks....early friendships don't like drama...it drags the other person down. keep this is check...you might be doing it without even knowing it.