Hannah13 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 If you need my back story, just read my last post...in a nutshell, i pushed my ex away(who came back after breaking up with me for 3 months) and lied to him, i think to protect myself. Now, hes with someone else in under a week...and i dont know how to handle it. I think itd be easier if i hadnt driven him to someone else, i just have to much regret about the situation. Its been so hard to even make it through the days now without crying every 5 minutes. How can i handle it? What should i do? I also have to workpart time with him, so itsnot like hes cut out of my life completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldplay. Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 A few things could have happened. Firstly, the make up wasnt very sincere. Or that the rejection of the reconciliation, caused him to rebound. Third, why you rejected him, it was for a reason yes? That reason was large enough, whatever it was to flat out tell him no. There is never a reason to lie to someone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet_rebel Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I agree with coldplay - you need to figure out why you rejected him. If there is a real reason, you need to focus on that because chances are that problem will still exist if you ever rekindle anything. It can be hard to accept when someone has moved on, especially when it happens so quickly. But don't take that personally. Maybe that's how your ex deals with his pain... by running into the arms of someone else. I know plenty of people who deal with their pain that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 He hurt me very badly before, i think maybe i was trying to do the same, or i was just afraid. Either way, i feel like i made the biggest mistake of my life. I would have married this guy, and i feel like im so hopeless and helpless now. I want him back so bad, id give anything. And the regret doesnt help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandj Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Dont, if he's your ex is for a reason! The time after the break-up is for you only, so you can heal, it seems you still have lots of feelings for him and thats ok, but you probably made the right decision. Perhaps the lying part wasnt neccesary, but still a good decision that you didnt go back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldplay. Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Dont, if he's your ex is for a reason! The time after the break-up is for you only, so you can heal, it seems you still have lots of feelings for him and thats ok, but you probably made the right decision. Perhaps the lying part wasnt neccesary, but still a good decision that you didnt go back... so you dont think people can ever change, and that everything we do in life is set in stone? open your mind. Our life isnt absolutes, no ones is, every day we change and everyday we grow, sometimes in life we make mistakes that we will and do overcome. Hannah- If you wanted to hurt him back that means that your not ready to reconcile anyways. Your right you might have blown it, but yours and his life dont end here, only when u or him are either married or 6ft under will it really be over. You should really take some time and think about things, him, you, life, forgiveness, acceptance, only then will you know if it is 'worth' it or not. But forgetting all about it is not healing, i see alot of people on this forum dont want to heal, they want to forget, im not saying that you are trying this but its just a suggestion. But you need to get your priorities straight, you need to know what you want before you can get anything done, as you already know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justletgo07 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'd take all of the "they're your ex for a reason" responses with a grain of salt. People do change, and this forum is a beacon of proof for that, as oftentimes it is because people change that they fall out of love, break up, cheat, etc. Once a ____, always a _____, is a very limiting view of things. In regard to your ex, I would try to be patient and just watch what happens for a little while. And focus on yourself and figuring out what you really want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john4321 Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 regret is impossible to work on the pain is great. the hardest person to forgive is yourself. you need to work on yourself, find out what is the problem you are having with yourself,what causes you to act this way, and be willing to change and grow. when you find your true self you will be fine. and if you he comes back open yourself to him, share everything with him. do not hide from him but show him who you are. you need to take that chance to get hurt, to trust yout partner , to build that relationship. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Bendix Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 The best way to deal with regret is seeing that there is no need to have it. It is part of past actions. It is an emotional reaction to an image of what happened before. Certainly, we can call up any image from the past and use it as not to repeat those actions. But, when we recall these events, it must be done realizing that they are just images and not real. Otherwise, we can cause ourselves the same unpleasant emotions reactions (such as regret) to those events as if they were happening right now. If we make these images of the past a part of ourselves and react to them emotionally, we can indeed bring on suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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