getting balance back

[rich_1517]

A word to new people, this forum is a great method to get through things, i started off in agony and despair and am watching the return of dignity and self direction. its with the help and support of the people here. thanks.

 

Want to get advice from as many people as feel like giving it.

 

Background:

3 years lots of love, fun, trust

trouble - lack of acceptance of my habits, lack of acceptance her nagging and intimacy issues (shuts down xxx)

but still lots of love, fun and trust

business for me gets really bad, i dont accept and try to change it. but i dont surrender to it.

she invites me to live with her twice i decline saying work on xxx and i will, i just wanted to see some progress.

family problems for me - dad has alzhemiers, i begin to withdraw more from her.

I get back from difficult trip, finances really bad, havent stopped fighting saving business when i should have gotten job.

 

she ends it after i ask for attention. then changes to "i need two months to decide if i want you as boyfriend or friend"

 

ok so its a month now, almost. i went to her immediately after and owned my mistakes, ungrateful, not facing the money issue, not trying to quit smoking, not committing and moving in. kind of pathetic really it was definitely begging. ok im human.

 

begin no contact - and have lots of obsessing and pain, thankfully she couldnt see much of it.

 

she starts calling, and calling, then excuse to hang out. I agree and find myself in a very mixed message of hang out, and im still deciding. Oops.

 

I now ask for a week of no contact to look for work and other things i am trying get straight in my life. she agrees (very flat emotionally she is, always has been, nothing to read into here)

 

now i am realizing that i am getting stronger again, treating the break up as real (not as her deciding period). lots of anger, trying to stay focused on me and taking care of business.

 

So.... the week will end and she will call or she wont, what are peoples suggestions about next steps for me. I am leaving it open becuase i am truly open to it. If you need clarification please PM me.

 

thanks in advance.

[Athena]

Rhone,

Way to go! Excellent job with putting yourself #1 and taking care.

 

I'm a bit confused on what you are asking. "Next steps for me" - I don't understand. You are on the right track and are stepping in the right direction. Is her possible phone call at the end of the week what you are wondering about how to handle?

 

IF she calls, there are two possibilites, 1. She wants to get back together or 2. She doesn't. At this point, Rhone does it really matter what SHE wants? What do YOU want? You mention anger - I suspect there is resentment as well. Are you hoping that she will want to get back together?

 

-A

[rich_1517]

Ahh, clarity here. The ex has shown an ability to call, sometimes a lot becuase she misses me, etc. But still hasnt decided. I am pretty sure she gets the message that maybe not contacting without a decision is not a good idea. But she probably will call to connect.

 

so to make it a little clearer, I see my strength returning and feel ready to deal with this better from a "what can be done here" stand point. at the same time i am trying to make sure i am not setting myself up to get spun again.

 

thoughts?