froddi Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Hi, im not really sure where to put this question... Short story is: I was dating/seeing a guy. We met online originally. Things were going well, but he thought we were getitng to close to quickly and is scared to get close to anyone. (his past relationship ended badly).... wether thats the truth or not, is not the point. We seemed to decided to be friends but he said something about not ruling it out/or for now. I dont know..We are still in touch. I log on to the dating website we met on, and he has left me a message. "Hey you. Im thinking of taking my profile off here..i still smile when i look at your old photos..very cute.. hope your well..xo" I am really not sure what to make of it. Why tell me that? I haven't had the chance to speak with him yet. Just came on here to get some opinions! and see if people interpret it differently..... thank you! EDIT This is a bit from my reply below, but probably more useful up here: things happened VERY fast. We were in contact an awful lot - looking back probably too much. Things got intimate very quickly. He has said before, he wants to take things slow. Not label anything...? He went a bit distant - he said he felt were were getting 2 close and got scared. We text each other still - although not as much. (he lives 45 mins away, no car. I work full time) I dont know why he sent me that message via the website..... I think he has a lot going on (money, no job, etc) Im wondering if im just making excuses lol. Every few days he'll say something that kinda shows he still has a bit of interest! Also, i had checked a few days ago on the dating website, and he hadn't been on there for 12 days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferSNJ Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I would say he's really into you and just wants to take it slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightNshiningarmor Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 id say message him back and ask him how do i get ahold of u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Unless he's taking his profile down because he's met someone else, or because he's realised that he really doesn't want a relationship AT ALL right now - yes, he's into you and wants to take things slowly. To satisfy your own curiosity, you could find out which - but in a light-hearted way. Other than that - take things slowly, don't rush in, if you feel overwhelmed by romantic feelings, GET A GRIP. But if you like this guy and you're still in touch, have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Hmmm, I kind of took it the other way...that he was just feeling a little nostalgic and friendly, but is not really looking for anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Maybe write back something like, "It seems like you're having a hard time getting back into dating...if anything changes, I'd love to see you again" Put the ball back in his court and then keep meeting other people. I dated a guy once that I met online and he just couldn't get into anything b/c of a recent divorce. I wasted a lot of time hoping he'd come back around so keep yourself out there and give him his space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I think that he likely just wants as much attention as he can get from as many women as possible. Basically, you're a plan Q. If you're ok be plan Q, knowing that there are 16 other options out there that come before you, then there's nothing wrong with it. It's not like you're breaking any rules. At the same time, don't bother giving him even a bit of priority in your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froddi Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Thanks for the replies! Yeah im a little confused by it. I probably should have put in that, things happened VERY fast. We were in contact an awful lot - looking back probably too much. Things got intimate very quickly. He has said before, he wants to take things slow. Not label anything...? He went a bit distant - he said he felt were were getting 2 close and got scared. We text each other still - although not as much. (he lives 45 mins away, no car. I work full time) I dont know why he sent me that message via the website..... I think he has a lot going on (money, no job, etc) Im wondering if im just making excuses lol. Every few days he'll say something that kinda shows he still has a bit of interest! So confusing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drewciouS281 Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 just keep things casual and be in touch with each other. Taking things slow and building a friendship is always the best way to get something serious started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froddi Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 ............................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froddi Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 Would someone send that to someone they were dating in just a friendly way? I wouldn't think so? I wouldn't... Hey JenniferSNJ, i am confused by it too! I cant see a point in saying it....lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I took it to mean that he was letting you know he was leaving that site so you wouldnt freak out by him disappearing, I don't think it was telling you that you have a future but was just being nostalgic and telling you he is moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosee Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I probably should have put in that, things happened VERY fast. We were in contact an awful lot - looking back probably too much. Things got intimate very quickly. He has said before, he wants to take things slow. Not label anything...? He went a bit distant - he said he felt were were getting 2 close and got scared. We text each other still - although not as much. What I think is that he is interested but not that interested. That whole line about being scared doesn't ring true to me..not that men can't get scared but I think that he is keeping you on the backburner. I think it's fine if you want either a friendship or casual relationship and see if it goes anywhere, but if you are looking for something serious then I wouldn't continue to sleep with him (not sure if you are or not) or be intimate in other ways because he will likely just string you along (and when I first read your post that was my initial thought..it doesn't take much for someone to write or say a line or two to try and keep someone on the hook you know?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froddi Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 Thanks Rosee. yeah i dont know about the 'scared' part either. he said his last relationship ended badly and was depressed for a long time. it could be a line. i do wonder if he's strining me along. espically with the comment about going with friends for now, but not ruling it out or some crap. yeah, im not sleeping with him any more. I dont want anythign too serious. just hang out and have some fun - but probably exclusive (i.e he doesn't do it with other girls, and i wont with other guys - sexually that is), or is that classed as 'serious'. i have no idea. im very new at this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I would take it very casually - his message I mean. He didn't ask you out on a date, he didn't call you, etc. I might reply "thanks for your message - if you want to keep in touch please feel free to call me". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amipushy Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I would take it very casually - his message I mean. He didn't ask you out on a date, he didn't call you, etc. I might reply "thanks for your message - if you want to keep in touch please feel free to call me". Good answer, I'd do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenniferSNJ Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I agree. I like that response. If he wasn't interested, I don't know why he would bother to respond. But if he's just out of a relationship- there's a chance he might go back to his ex, so be careful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froddi Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 I agree. I like that response. If he wasn't interested, I don't know why he would bother to respond. But if he's just out of a relationship- there's a chance he might go back to his ex, so be careful! thanks. i think they've been broken up for awhile, then he went traveling for a year. is it possible that getting close to someone again brought back memories? and he's affraid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Could mean any number of things. He may be just simply letting you know he is leaving, he could have met someone else and so has decided to take the profile down, he could be looking to see how you react, when he mentions taking his profile down, signs as to whether you still like him/care about him etc... One thing is for sure, I wouldn't be reading too much into it and because his reason for removing it, appears not to be cuz he's in an exclusive relationship with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 thanks. i think they've been broken up for awhile, then he went traveling for a year. is it possible that getting close to someone again brought back memories? and he's affraid? Sure, it's possible, but irrelevant to you. The only relevance is whether he wants a relationship with you. At this time he has not contacted you to say he wants a relationship with you. If he doesn't, who really cares why? He might change his mind at some future point, and if he does, and you are interested and available, you'll consider it. If he's "afraid" that's his issue to deal with - nothing you can do about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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