My healing, unsent goodbye letter to the one I loved.

[kungfumaster]

It's been 1 month since I've talked to you,

My former love, my former all, my former muse.

 

It's been 2 months since I've been with you,

and I miss you silky black hair, your beautiful face, your

intoxicating smell, and your liberating touch.

I miss everything about you. You were like a breath

of fresh cool air coming into a hot humid room.

 

It's been 2 months since we've gone out to dinner together, to the

laugh at movies, to just be by each other's side. I miss our

long walks together - I miss exploring new places together,

experiencing new things, and trying out whatever that comes our

way.

 

I don't remember the last time you smiled at me, and I miss

it. It was probably in October when I visited you in

here>, and we had such a good time. I still have the pictures - even

though I haven't looked at the pictures for a while now, I can

still see them in my mind. The balloon ride, the sushi restaraunt,

and the pictures of us together after we made love.

 

I just miss you alot my love - and I want to cry all the time - but

I won't let myself because I want to be strong, because I know I have

to let you go for both of our sakes, for you especially. You have your

whole life in front of you - you are finishing school this year - your

life will change immensely. I wanted to be there with you when all

of these things happened - I wanted to be at your graduation, I wanted

to meet your mother and uncles, I wanted to meet your whole family.

I wanted to spend the whole summer with you - to celebrate the person

you are, to celebrate you - you - my one, my all, my former future. I wanted so much to be with you, but now it is all gone.

 

I know you couldn't handle the distance apart - and I wasn't myself

too because I had been torn apart from you, from my friends, from

everything familiar to me to move to a different city and new job - I look

back now and think it might be a mistake - it was so hard for me

to move - at the beginning, I thought it would be a test of our relationship - to see if we were really meant to be - now, I'm not sure if it was such a good idea to test our relationship because I just want to be with you, I just want to hold you, and touch your face, and kiss you softly, and talk you and find out what's going on in your life - oh how I miss your laugh, your voice. I miss everything about you.

 

Oh please, help me heal from my broken, aching heart. It is like my

heart is slowly dying inside. It gets jumped started once in a while,

only to splutter to a halt once again. I sit here now in my office thinking what am I going to do tonight. I use to call you every night, but now its all gone - I use to look forward to calling you - although now that I look back, I think you though it was a getting a bit too routine, and mundane for you, but for me, it kept me going. It kept me wanting to work harder so that I could get a job closer to you, not somewhere 18 hours from you. I feel like I failed you, and I failed myself. I feel like crap. I wish I was with you - I wish I could have made things not mundane - I wish we could still be together even though our distance separated us. I wish we could have made it. I think our kids would have been beautiful.

 

I know you had some issues with the divorce of your parents - especially you father - and I know, although you didn't mean too, project some of those unmet needs from your father onto me. It happened alot, but I understood you - I understood that I shouldn't take it personally, and I understood and hoped that one day, you could finally heal from that - and be totally loving towards me, without any issues, without any baggage. I wanted to be with you to help you heal and grow from this, I wanted to see the full you - the healthy you, the person I knew you could be. But I guess in the end, I could not handle it myself - I couldn't handle your mood swings, your lack of willingness to share your feelings, your inability to give 50/50. I don't know - I still don't know what happened because you rarely say what you're feeling - I think its because you don't know yourself either yet - you are still growing, maturing, finding out who you are.

 

Me - I think I know who I am pretty much. I still have growing to do, but I think my foundations are set almost. I am 28, you are 22. Now, I guess I shall look forward to being alone - and that is okay with me. I shall dream about you for a while still I guess- about the days I will miss - valentines day, our 2 and a half year anniversary, your last day of school, the times when I would celebrate with you after you finished a test, the weekends we spent together, the nights, I will your last day of class, your graduation, meeting your mother and uncles and aunties - going to with you - seeing where you came from, you showing me where you use to swim, where you shopped, where you went to school, where you cried, where you met your best friend, where you first kissed, evertything. I have to say goodbye to all those things now, I have to say goodbye to you. Goodbye to you, good bye to everything that I knew.

 

May God keep you safe, and look over you for your whole life. I hope in the future, you will meet someone who will bring you all the love, happiness and joy in the world. I hope one day, you will heal from all your wounds inflicted upon you from broken family. I hope you will one day realize that I loved you very much, and wish only the best things in life - loving family and friends, and a job which you enjoy. I loved you very much - I loved you very much. Good bye my love. Good bye - I will always love you.

[woobiegirl]

Kung

 

That was a very nice and deep thought out post. I hope the healing can begin now. They say sometimes you have to let the things you love go, if it comes back then it was yours. If it doesen't it was never yours to begin with

 

 

Warm Regards

 

Woobiegirl

 

 

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I understand what you're going through..The beginning is always the hardest of the break up. Keep up the no contact thing..It is the best way to get over the ex.Remember..Time heals all wounds.....

It's been 6 months since my ex broke up with me and I found it really hard at first.It gets easier believe me.. I still get the odd bad day...Like today..6 months later she stops by to pick up the rest of her stuff that she had at my place..We went out for 3 years and lived together for 2.5 years.What hurt me the most is that she started dating someone only 2 weeks after we broke up and is still with him and basically lives with him..She used my computer today when she stopped by and she checked her e-mail...When she left with her stuff, she left her hotmail account open and I know I shouldn't have but I looked in her inbox and saw an e-card that she sent her new boyfriend for Valentines day. It hurt alot to read it as she said how much she loved him and thought he was her soulmate...The same type of words she use to tell me...GRRR Oh well...enough about me...good luck to you !

[sbojo32]

That is such a sweet letter. You sound like such an amazing and caring person. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time now, but know that you can love again and whoever receives that love will be very lucky.

Keep your head up.

[SF_mike]

Hang in there Kungfumaster...

 

Time is your best friend right now. Don't put pressure on yourself to magically heal over night. You need time to heal...Focus on #1 (you) and do things that make you feel good. I know...easier said than done. It's been 5 months for me now...and for the first 4 months I convinced myself she'd come back somehow for another try. I still have setbacks from time to time but I know I'm a zillion times better than back in Oct when I found this board. There are a lot of great people here so read & post when you're feeling down...It definitely helped me. Do your best to keep the no contact thing going. I know I didn't even begin to start feeling better until I did this and began accepting my loss.

 

Bubbamackdaddy69, sorry to hear about the e-card thing...I'm sure that hurt (even after 6 months). I can't imagine your ex jumping into something 2 weeks after breaking up with you. My experience was hard enough and I'd hate to deal with that aspect as well...I'd rather not know what my ex is doing. I'd love to be friends with her someday but can even comprehend that because of feelings that I still have deep down.

 

Anyways, hope everyone is doing ok.

 

Mike

[kungfumaster]

Thanks so much woobiegirl, bubbamackdaddy, sbojo32 - and especially you SF_mike - you guys all kick major as*. Your words of encouragement and support really help me, and I feel not as alone sometimes because you all understand what my feelings are.

 

SF_mike - yours was the first post I read when I came into this forum in January - it touched my heart - along with everyone else in that post "just when you think you're getting stronger" - Luv_Sucks too, and a whole bunch of others. So thanks - I really needed you guys and this site.

 

Yah - I felt I had to somehow write a good-bye letter to my ex- and it really helped me because it made me cry (something I wanted to do, but couldn't for many reasons - anger, guilt, disappointment, etc) - and it helps me let go a bit too - I want to say all those things to my ex - but I know I can't, so I had to express it in some other means - and I thought this would be a perfect place to do it - so THANKS EVERYONE FOR LETTING ME EXPRESS MY FEELINGS -

 

Valentines day is coming - I hope all of us will take it easy - I know we all are not looking forward to it - I hope it goes by really fast, and that you and I wilol find something to keep us busy that day.

 

Hey all - you all rock - I will keep my head up - you guys deserve the best in this world and more - hold on, hold on.