Hannah13 Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 about a month ago, my ex came back after breaking up with me for 3 months. He wanted me back, but of course i was hesitant...so he had to work for it. This past month has been amazing on his end, he was so wonderful and really was someone different. He opened up finally, and did wonderful things for me. About 2 weeks ago, i finally said yes to being his girlfriend again. Since then, i have been the WORST person ever, mostly because i was afraid of getting hurt again, because he was a little pushy on me telling people, and because he had a one night stand with a coworker of mine. I shut him out, was hurtful, mean, and unloving. There were times when this wasnt the case, but then i'd go right back to being a . Now, he's gone again, almost. He still texts, still calls when i ask him too. But he says opening up and being vulnerable was a one time thing, and i messed it up. Its only been 3 days, but i know i messed up, but i dont know what to do. He said he would consider what ive said; that ive changed alot in 3 months before he came back(i was kinda like this before as well, he really hurt me alot before we broke up after 2 yrs), that i will do anything to be with him...etc. So thats a little bit of a start I need to know what i should/can do to convince him im serious, that im in love with him and that ill do anything for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 and because he had a one night stand with a coworker of mine. Was this while you were broken up or since you got back together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted December 14, 2008 Author Share Posted December 14, 2008 we were broken up, but sex is something important to me, and i dont believe in people sleeping around. he was extremely disgusted with himself, it was very genuine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I think unless you can let that go this isn't going to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I went through something similar. All I can say is you have to let go it go and really trust that he will not hurt you again. My bf tried to get back with me one time before but I was hurt from the previous relationship and I couldn't appreciate that he had changed for the better. Eventually I did give him that trust and that chance. And he gave me the same (I had done things that hurt him in the past too...and he had not treated me that well because he was still holding on to the hurt). I think now that we are both past the hurt of the past, we can move forward together. I think the only way for you to move forward is to put the past behind you and trust him again and open your heart to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 Thing is, ive done everything to show him i love him, that i was just scared and that i want him. He wont even reconsider. I think his minds made up...but he still will text me when i text him and such. Is this just comfort for him? Id say yes if we werent apart for 3 months and he had no real problem with the comfort or attatchment, he let that go quickly. i KNOW i want him and id do anything. What can i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drewciouS281 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 i went through this before. i was horrible to my ex and lost her because of it. when i wanted her back afew months later she made me work for it and treated me like crap so i called it off and we were broken up for 9 months. she wanted me back and i gave in but i was never the same as before. I wouldnt do all the nice sweet things i did before cause the damage she caused me in basically making me work for her back and beg her was enough. we eventually ended for good. Never make someone work too hard to get you back because it WILL bite you in the rear. you either want them back or not! I dont see this going in your favor unless now your ready to do some * * * * kissing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I agree with Drew that if you make someone work that hard, it's not going to end with them feeling great about themselves or the relationship. At the same time, being open and vulnerable should not be a 'one shot deal' if you're both going to try and make this work. You'll have to forgive each other and move on. That's not always easy to do when egos are involved and someone wants to be 'right'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shyguy24 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I think that all though you may want to make it work, subcoinciously you may not be in a good place. Somethings are not in our control, they are natural and just happen. I would give it a break for a few months and see what happens and how you feel about the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mechie22 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 This is a little tricky but I understand why you made him work so hard. You were hurt but, after you guys tried again you should have let go of that. The best thing is as shyguy said just take some time and let him heal. Guys hurt differently than girls; we bleed then heal guys bleed then scar when they get hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25thfloor Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 hhhmmmm....HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND on you with your co-worker. nice guy...sorry...i don't think he respects you at all. he sounds like an immature child....you deserve better don't you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 you can't be upset cause someone had sex when you were completely broken up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 hhhmmmm....cheated on you with your co-worker. nice guy...sorry...i don't think he respects you at all. he sounds like an immature child....you deserve better don't you think? where did he cheat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25thfloor Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 disagree. having sex with someone i work with is a no no. anytime. matter of boundries...might be ok with you, but probably not a lot of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 disagree. having sex with someone i work with is a no no. anytime. matter of boundries...might be ok with you, but probably not a lot of others. whoa, calm down. we don't even know the circumstances here. maybe this coworker isn't even her friend or anything. maybe they knew each other before they dated. let's not get out of control here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25thfloor Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 where did he cheat? read the OP post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 There was NO CHEATING involved. LOL...I think you need to reread the first page of this thread, 25th floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 read the OP post. did you read the OP? or any follow-up posts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25thfloor Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 calm down. so very very sorry for using the wrong word. didn't mean to confuse y'all....one night stand would be the absolute correct terminolgy. so very very sorry....so..i will drop everything and change my wording. thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 calm down. so very very sorry for using the wrong word. didn't mean to confuse y'all....one night stand would be the absolute correct terminolgy. so very very sorry....so..i will drop everything and change my wording. thank you. LOL, we are very calm...I know I am and I can't imagine ghost getting upset over anything really But cheating and a one-night stand while broken up are not different terms for the same thing. They are completely different. At least for me, one (cheating) would cause me to automatically dump the guy but what he did while broken up...I would not hold that against the guy. I mean, I am back with my bf and he's had other girlfriends during our time apart...I couldn't care less. If he cheated on me it would be a totally different story...there would be no "us." So, yeah, I guess for me it's a huge difference. Not sure about the OP though...but eh, this is just my opinion. I realize others think differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 i'm back from stomping my feet over here. haha, jk. cool as whip. anyways, a girl telling me she had a one night stand is 1000% different than a girl that tells me she used to cheat. a cheater will get nowhere with me, a one night stand girl well, we might hook up that night. lol. i have no problem with a girl that has had one nighters. i've had several. *counts again* yeah, uhm, several. cheating isn't in my book though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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