What would you do in this situation?

[Anon333]

I met a guy at work I had a small crush on, maybe because I had been single for so long and wanted a crush..We had had a lot in common, and I relaized soon after working there, he liked me...We went on a couple dates, hung out, kissed a little bit, told eachother we liked eachother..all within a week maybe..

 

But within this time I met one of his friends who I "clicked" with like no othee person I had ever clicked with..I tried to get him out of my head and tried to hang out with the other guy, but I just couldnt...finally I told the guy from work I just wanted to be friends and wasnt ready for anything and didnt want to date within work....

 

So, I eventually caught up with the other guy, and realized he was feeling the same thing. He had been thinking about me, had gone to my work and wanted to hang out and get to know me..I was completely amazed that we both had this amazing "spark" I never felt with anyone...We hung out for about 2 weeks and a half, every other day...BUT, he was dealing with residue and heartache from a relationship that had just ended two months ago. His ex was still getting stuff out of his apartment, and he seemed to be withdrawing a bit...finally I told him, we should not hang out when you are still dealing with these issues....I dont want to get hurt, and you need to figure this stuff out...Please call me when you think you can..." He agreed, but first asked if we could just hang out loosely..I said no.....That was maybe three weeks ago..In between that time..I drunk called him once, he didnt respond but called me the next day, we had a mellow chat and I left things as, Ill talk to you soon....That was about two weeks ago....I know it could take him forever to heal and he may never call me....I keep hoping I will hear from him, and debating whether I should contact him lightly every once in awhile..But I kinda have decided to go NC and if I never hear from him, I will be healed...

 

As the days go by, even though it hasnt been a long time...I feel kinda lonely and dont want to wait around and be controlled by this guy...I have stronger feelings toward him than anyone I have ever met initially...I am torn over whether we will ever have a chance, or if I will ever hear from him again, bit I know I just have to live my life and be happy and not worry about what he is doing and thinking....Each day I grow more callused about it too, and worry I will grow a repulsion toward him.....

 

Anyway....The guy I work with and I are friends, and I suddenly have been kinda feeling good towards him..Wanting to hang out, yet wanting to keep my distance because I am pretty torn about his friend....Me and his friend had kept it secret that we were seeing eachother, so he doesnt know about it....I still want the other guy to come back, because the way I felt about him does not compare to the way I feel about his friend or anyone else..But he may never come back, and I could possibly have grown to be close to his friend and grown feelings..Do I tell this guy I work with the truth? Do I just keep my distance from him and not try to hang out and be friends? Im kinda sad and lonely and want an answer from the other guy whether he has any intention of giving me a call if he ever gets over his ex..But I know that is pushy...

 

Sorry this is so long..But it is confusing..what would you all do?

[vct]

ok, so you like backup boy but your hoping 1st choice will come to his senses.

this is what i would do:

1. dont tell 'backup boy' that uve been seeing his mate behind his back (He doesnt need to know that and would kinda sting him alittle)

2. dont put your life on hold for '1st choice guy' and go out and have fun with 'backup boy' (who knows, it might develop into something).

3. dont contact '1st choice guy' again until he contacts you

[COtuner]

Don't jerk them around - if you don't like one as much as the other, than don't use him as a backup. To me, that's playing games and I'd be unhappy if I found out a guy was doing that to me.

 

I've often wondered what would happen if I met a guy I liked more than the guy I was dating. Would I take the risk that things wouldn't work out and leave my BF for the new guy? Or would I stick with what I knew and let the new guy I liked better go. I came to the conclusion I would stick with what I have, "bird in the hand" and all that.

[Anon333]

Yeah...So I guess you summed it up much shorter than I could VCT! Well, I want to hang out as friends with the other, because he is one of the only friends I have made since I moved here earlier this year, but I dont want to lead him on, as I know he told me he liked me awhile back...Maybe he doesnt anymore and truly just wants to be friends...I dunno....

 

COtuner, I agree about if I like one more, I should not use the other as a "back up"..I could not ever date this guy, knowing I still have a HUGE crush on his friend..PLUS, if I dated him, it would pretty much mean I was cutting off future chances with his friend...But like many say, I should not put my life on hold.....ALSO, it is not like he is my boyfriend, or was my boyfriend and I left him for someone I like more...BUt yeah, if it ever progressed to that by me hanging out with him, and his friend came back in the picture, Id probably be pretty torn...I dont know...

 

So I think I will take both of your advices and put them together..Maybe just hang out loosely with the first guy, but not lead him on and not get into anything serious. Not call the other guy who I miss dearly and hope will some day call...ANd get on with my life and meeting new people out there...How's that sound?

[sscutie]

yes, you cant be playing them around... Someone is bound to get hurt