doesnt seem fair that a guy who pursues a girl has a better chance than a girl pursuing

[Anon333]

Doesnt this seem the case? A guy can show a girl he really really likes her, and maybe this will turn her off, but sometimes girls like the attention and are curious, and end up hanging out with this guy...And sometimes this turns into a ligitimate relationship..I have been "chased" by some guys and have had it turn into something eventually..Ive also been chased by guys that I hung out with a few times and just knew I wasnt feeling it at all...BUT, WHY cant a girl be as affective showing interest in a guy and being persistent with asking to hang out, and instead it is just a total turn off. Has it ever worked? I like this guy, but he is not over his ex completely and I am giving him time and space, but part of me wants to just call up and say "lets just hang out"..

 

I know if a guy was persistent in doing that with me while I was trying to get over an ex, and I kinda liked him, things could possibly turn into something...Instead, if I do this with this guy, I'd probably freak him out more and push him further...Doesnt seem fair....I have to wait for him to show interest, but he may never call..There is more to the story..Ive posted it too many times...But I just dont understand why it has to be so differebt between men and women to have a successful "chase"...And when does "chasing" turn into just being annoying..I have completely stepped out of this guys life, but I feel like even Loose Contact every couple weeks will look desperate, when he is not the one calling...

[littlestar]

I've had guys chase me and it's turned into serious long lasting relationships as has been the case when i've chased the guy.

[lady00]

Just the way it works, in my experience. Don't know that I agree it's an issue of fairness, though. I've given up worrying about it or trying to understand why it never led to anything lasting when I pursued guys. Some say it's human nature, that it's ingrained in men etc. I just don't even bother thinking about it too much. It is what it is.

[Loup]

Welcome to the chase... How many people do you think we males typically chase before we end up finding one that is receptive? Just curious because trust me you chase a lot more than just one or two before you end up actually getting something that goes someplace. I just think you are not accustomed to rejection

[Creative]

See I've had wondered about this question as well.

 

 

 

It just seems to me that that's the case.

[Anon333]

Thanks...Im surprised at the quick responses....I know in either scenario whether it be man or woman chasing, the other person has to have SOME interest to begin with...Usually the woman shows a little interest and th guy does the askign out, and perhaps the girl will be uncertain and the guy will persist in asking her out maybe until the girl gets comfortable with him and he starts to grow on her..(this has happened many times Im sure)....BUT, if a guy shows interest intitially, and then a girl shows interest back, sometimes this pushes the guy away if they arent ready for that....But if a girl were to continue showing interest and asking the guy out, he may get totally freaked and not be ready for anything at all, whereas a girl would like the attention maybe and give it more of a chance...dont you think? So is it safe to say, as a girl, if a guy starts to pull away, the best thing to do is just try to move on and let it go in hopes he may come back? Does this have any relevance to pulling away because you are not healed from a previous relationship?

[Loup]

Usually the woman shows a little interest and th guy does the askign out, and perhaps the girl will be uncertain and the guy will persist in asking her out maybe until the girl gets comfortable with him and he starts to grow on her..(this has happened many times Im sure)...

 

I have seen it personally and through third parties many times where continuously asking someone out ends up with the person being asked out despising the person doing the asking. It typically does *NOT* end up yielding a relationship. Personally I will only ever ask someone out once and if they say no then I will never ask again. Mostly because it is annoying to the person being asked out if there is no interest.

 

Anyways for the all the women here how many times have you approached a guy vs how many times you have personally been approached by a guy. Personally I have never been asked out by a women but have asked out plenty of women. It is a numbers game. We have to dust ourselves off after every NO to keep trying for that elusive YES...

[Anon333]

I guess my question was more aimed toward pursuing someone after thewre has been interest shown on both sides, but the person is still getting over an ex...Why does it seems guys are able to sweep in and pursue a girl and sometimes it ends up working out, whereas a girl who is dating someone who is not over there ex, would probably be more successful just walking away and not pursuing..doesnt this seem the case?

[thejigsup]

I've pursued and I have been the pursuer. Both scenarios have worked for me and both have not worked at times. NO difference.

[Anon333]

jigsup, how did it work and not work when you pursued? were the situations different...I know this guy likes me or did like me...But he is not over his ex, so I broke things off, to which he did not contest....I hoped/expected to hear from him eventually, I talked to him once in the last three weeks, after calling him drunk...He seems like he is not ready to try and pursue me, or put too much effort into things while he is concentrating on his issues, plus I told him I didnt want to get involved with him if he is not over his ex...But I also dont want to loose a chance...I have the option to just move on and wait for him to call me, which may be never, or for me to open up the lines of communication again (since I kinda broke them off and scared him)...He's all confused and dealing with stuff, so I dont want to scare him or start anything serious myself, but I do want to try hanging out and talking lightly again..I THINK he would be okay with that, but that would mean I would be the one initiating it, and it makes me uneasy to risk rejection and feel like all chances were lost......

[Anon333]

So, havent heard anything more from anyone, but have a question...Does No Contact work when the relationship was only a few weeks long? I dont know whether to walk away and do no contact, heal and/or wait to see if he ever rings, or stay in loose contact and be friendly, since we dont have any baggage between the two of us beside the fact we tried to date briefly and he was all torn about his ex...

[hey jo]

Welcome to the chase... How many people do you think we males typically chase before we end up finding one that is receptive? Just curious because trust me you chase a lot more than just one or two before you end up actually getting something that goes someplace. I just think you are not accustomed to rejection

 

Touche. I have nothing more to say.

[Batya33]

I don't think either person should chase and I am confused when someone defines asking a person out as "chasing" - it's just asking a person out, period. Without referring to it as chasing I agree with Lady00 that it's just something I've always accepted despite it making dating harder for me (I would have asked out far more men than I did if it was effective) and it has worked very well for me as far as attracting quality men who treat me like a lady and with respect, to let the man do more of the asking and calling in the beginning.

 

I think no contact works (works meaning either the dumpee gets over the person or the dumper misses the dumpee and wants to reconcile) when the reason for breaking up has to do with the dumper and not the dumpee. For example in your case if he is truly not ready for a relationship with anyone, not just with you, then when/if he is ready for a relationship he might choose you and you have a much better chance of that happening if he sees that you refuse to waste precious time on him unless he is ready for a relationship with serious potential.

 

But, if it was just an excuse and he was not that interested in a relationship with you in the first place, then you not being around might not have much of an effect on him.

 

I added the other benefit of no contact - getting over the person - because it's important to realize that if you go the no contact route you have to accept that if you get over the person it was equally successful.

 

If I told a man I wasn't ready for a relationship and he continued to ask me out/contact me it would be a turn off to me and possibly give me that creepy feeling.