Severe anxiety while talking to people.

[sns256]

Sorry I tend to ramble on when I type. I think it is because I don’t get my words out through speaking very often. I am not quite sure if this is the correct forum for this, but I thought since I am very shy I should put it here.

 

If you don’t want to read the very long story, my questions are in bold at the bottom. The story just qualifies the questions.

 

I was at this house party on Saturday night with a group of friends, a mixture of male and females. I knew everyone there, and would consider them my friends. So I wasn’t dealing with strangers, or people I don’t know very well.

 

The night started good. I have been feeling great about myself lately with all the improvements that I have been doing in my life. I was wearing some nice cloths that I just bought. I finally found an antiperspirant that works for me. I even dealt with my nagging acne problem, and my face hasn’t been clearer since I was 10. Frankly I was feeling like a million bucks.

 

As the night progressed my friends started to play a drinking game. I don’t drink so I usually just sit and watch them play their game. This time they wanted me to play too with the couple of water bottles that I had brought. Now I know I should have seen this as them wanting to include me in the activity. But for whatever stupid reason in my head I took it as very condescending. Maybe it was the way they asked me to play.

 

Anyway I played along. Not too long later I was being bombarded with questions from everyone on various questions on why I don’t drink, how can I have fun not drinking, ect. They were asking in a very demeaning way. Basically I felt that they were asking me what was wrong with me. I had the entire house of about 15 people focused on me alone. This just sent me on tilt. It is hard to describe the feelings I had after that for the entire night afterward. It was almost like I wanted to cry. For some reason I couldn’t shake the feelings that I was just horrible at this whole social stuff.

 

Over the years I have learned how to control my emotions, and conceal any emotion that I need to. Boy did those “skills” come in handy. It took me nearly all my focus and concentration, for the better part of 3 hours, not to break down. It was just the feeling that I was so socially inept. I guess I was just expecting more from myself now that I tried to improve myself. They were supposed to help me feel more comfortable about myself. I guess I just abruptly realized that I am no better off socially, and my confidence went down the pooper.

 

When I had the opportunity I left the area and went to go play with the dog. Some people followed me to the TV area to watch a movie. I ended up getting a seat on the carpet. Thankfully the dog gravitated to me and lied next to me and just petted him for what seemed like a couple of hours. All dogs pay attention to me for some reason. They literally don’t pay attention to anyone else when I am around. Someone actually mentioned this that night too. People were trying to get him to go play with them but he wouldn’t leave me. I feel so comfortable interacting with animals when they pay attention to me. For some reason I get so nervous if a human pays attention to me, not all the time though.

 

Anyway the movie had ended and the room had cleared out except one or two people. There were plenty of seats available but I just didn’t want to move. One of my friends girlfriend noticed that I was sitting by myself on the floor petting the dog watching tv. She came over and sat next to me on the floor and started talking to me. We had a conversation about normal stuff like school, work, the dog, ect.

 

Then she moved the topic to her sister’s relationship problems. She was asking me a bunch of questions on what I thought about the situation and stuff. In my head I was like “great, relationships is the last thing I need to talk about right now”. For some reason everyone, male or female, asks me for relationship advice. For someone who has never had a girlfriend before, I must give some relevant answers because I keep getting questions. I think it is because I am a very bright person and look at problems at different angles than most people.

 

After that her boyfriend comes over and starts talking to us. He convinced me to have a beer with them, which calmed me down, and let me open up a bit. She then asks me if I consider 24 years old, old. I asked her why (she and her boyfriend are 22). She explained in front of us that she wants to be married by the time she is 24, dropping huge hints to her boyfriend of 5 years. He was struggling for words, something about buying a house first. She looked disappointed, but I can read people I am not attracted to very easily and knew exactly what he was trying to say. I told her that he doesn’t want to be married and still living in his parents’ house. He has said in the past that he doesn’t want an apartment. He agreed with what I had said, and she understood and agreed with what I had said.

 

I told them both, “You guys are still young and should be worrying about things other than being married by age 24. I would be ecstatic to have my first girlfriend by age 24. Heck I would be extremely happy to get my first kiss by age 24. You guys have accomplished so much more than I have so far in life, don’t feel like you are missing out by not being married at age 24.” I was struggling getting words out, and my head felt like it was on fire. I felt like I was going to burst out crying, but I suppressed the feeling.

 

I was not concealing my emotions very well now and they both picked up on it. They both told me that I would find a girlfriend eventually and a girl would be lucky to be with me. Basically the same stuff I hear all the time. But how am I going to find a girl if I can’t talk to any of them? She was absolutely shocked that I have never had a girlfriend before; I find most girls do when they find out. He was not shocked because I have known him since we were 8.

 

This was too much for me and I excused myself. I went for a 5 minute walk in -18C without my jacket. It really helped me gather myself. At this point it was around 2 am and the party was coming to a close. Since I was the only one not drunk as a skunk, I cleaned the kitchen up for them, and drove the drunk people home.

 

Most of the night I wanted to beat my head against the wall. Any conversation I had, I was very distracted because I was trying so hard focusing on controlling my emotions. At the end of the night I was physically exhausted. But I still didn’t get to bed until 5:30am though.

 

I am a little worried. If I am anxious and shy around people I’ve known for years. How am I ever going to manage to talk to a stranger? Let alone attempt talking to a girl in an attempt to hopefully one day get a girlfriend. This is one of the first times I have ever felt like this when dealing with people I know. It happens about 90% of the time when I am around strangers, but never to the point of crying. Being anxious around strangers and especially women that I am attracted to is not uncommon for me.

 

My question would be is there anything that can help me calm down when I am getting anxious? Are there any mental techniques that I can tell myself to help? Is there anything I can go to the bathroom to do? All I want to do is calm myself down to the point were I might be able to carry on a conversation without feeling anxiety. That beer really helped, but I don’t want to rely on beer for help.

 

My goal is to one day hopefully get to the point where I can talk to women and maybe one day get a girlfriend. I truly believe that is my major stumbling block is not being able to talk. I keep reading that this is supposed to be fun, but it is like trying to cut my arm off with a rusty pocket knife. It is excruciating and very frustrating for me.

 

It is the first time I have ever really felt like that around people I know. I am usually very talkative around people that I know. I usually feel great after having a good conversation that I am not feeling any anxiety. In fact I would say that I love talking to people. It is just most of the time I can’t get it through my head to talk to strangers.

 

I always seem to take one step forward and two back. The mountain that I am climbing just looks steeper and steeper everyday that goes by. Maybe one day I’ll learn these social skills that I never learned in my teenage years. I think I’ll be a happier person if I can. I have been putting considerable effort on trying to improve my social situation lately. I think I probably just expected too much from myself too quickly. I guess the sudden realization that I am not as far as I thought I was really affected me.

 

Sorry for the really long essay. I don’t expect anyone to read it. But hopefully someone can answer my questions in the bolded area. Thanks.

[xxNPxx]

That sounds like a really bad day in my life. I too have serious anxiety problems when I'm trying to talk to girls that I'm actually trying to date.

 

The biggest thing is to simply "suck it up". Simply put, do what it takes to talk to the ladies you want to date. Though I wouldn't recommend starting with the super model types, you wouldn't even understand what's happening if you did. Anxiety doesn't seem to be something that could go away easily. Trust me on this, I meditate, and do some pretty deep trances but even so, I'm still anxious around women. There is no cure for anxiety short of going to the doctor and asking for some pills.

 

What has worked for me to get my confidence up and actually get me more interested in actually dating is to completely rethink the way I think about dating. That might help you too. You might want to rethink how you think about women in general or even how you want to date. Find a good site that teaches dating techniques and tips then readjust your mind to think, eat, and breath those tips. If you can convince yourself that it's real you might have a little more confidence and less anxiety about the situation.

 

Confidence, won't exactly make the anxiety go away but it will allow you to actually talk to the ladies.

 

Also the statement: "They both told me that I would find a girlfriend eventually and a girl would be lucky to be with me. "

 

Don't take that seriously. It's usually code for "you would be good dating material for any girl, but if I was single I still wouldn't date you."

[Raistlin]

Hey sns,

 

First, let me start of by saying I've been the same way most of my life. I was terrified of talking to people, especially women. It took me until I was 19 to do anything about it or figure out why.

 

What I learned about myself is that I had problems because I considered everyone better than me for X reason. Not consciously, but on a sub conscious level. What I had to do for my first few conversations is pretend I was someone I look up to a lot, and do what I thought they would do. Strangely, it worked.

[xxNPxx]

Hey sns,

 

First, let me start of by saying I've been the same way most of my life. I was terrified of talking to people, especially women. It took me until I was 19 to do anything about it or figure out why.

 

What I learned about myself is that I had problems because I considered everyone better than me for X reason. Not consciously, but on a sub conscious level. What I had to do for my first few conversations is pretend I was someone I look up to a lot, and do what I thought they would do. Strangely, it worked.

 

wow you are like the completely different than me. I considered everyone else much less then me for X reason. I realize that it was a problem and I changed. No I don't give a **** what other people think, or who they are. I moved from one problem to the next

[Salucious]

Being in the same boat as you, I feel like I can offer some advice on this subject. You say you try to hide your emotions, but I don't think you should. I mean, your emotions are what helps you show your personality. Someone who only shows neutral feelings towards everything will seem distant. You should show happiness (smile!) when you are having a good time, laugh when you think something is funny even if others don't. Get pissed off if someone says something disrespectful or rude. Don't hold back something you want to say in any situation. You should keep yourself composed, of course, but you should always express yourself. It will help you with that anxious feeling, because when you respond honestly to people/situations, they will like you for who you are and that will build your confidence.

 

It's also important to stop comparing yourself to other people (like when you were telling that couple you wish you were at their experience level). Everyone moves at their own pace, experiences different things at different times. There are no expectations of your personal growth other than those you have for yourself.

 

Overall, you need a positive attitude. Keep reassuring yourself that people will like you if you be yourself, and that you can change your situation if you want to enough.

[sns256]

Thanks for the replies guys. Sorry for not responding earlier. I had a busy day (work out, squash game, write an essay for school, Christmas shop, and I just got home from a hockey game). Phew I am tried, and no I am not devoid of a social life.

 

xxNPxx

 

I agree that it was just a bad day. Someone at hockey said that our game was a series of unfortunate events. I thought that described my Saturday night exactly, just a series of unfortunate events.

 

Thanks for the tips. I have never been on a date yet, so that makes me anxious in itself. But I am not really looking for a date yet per se. I don’t think I am ready for it, but I don’t want to let an opportunity get away if one presents itself to me. My long term goal is to get dates, and a girlfriend. However my short term goal is to try and get comfortable talking to people and girls in general. I am hoping accomplishing this will help me in my long term goal.

 

I don’t take statements like that seriously. Frankly I wouldn’t date a girl like her either. She is not my type, and I have zero attraction to her. I have no problem talking to girls that I have zero attraction to. It is probably because I could care less what they think about me. It is just the girls that I am attracted to that I get anxious and freeze up entirely. For some silly reason I care a heck of a lot what they think of me. I am working on fixing that.

 

Staveandor

 

Excellent advice Staveandor. I’ll definitely try that. I feel the exact same way, except when I have a conversation about a subject that I know a heck of a lot about. Then I can talk the person’s ear off. I know it is really silly caring what others think of me. I need some techniques like yours to get me over that silly thought. Thanks that will help me a lot. I already have someone in mind that I could mimic.

 

Salucious

 

I definitely show emotions when I am comfortable and not feeling anxious. I don’t have problems smiling when I am having a good time, and people around me definitely know when I am pissed off. I also don’t have a problem saying something in most situations. People like me for who I am once I get talking to them. Nearly 100% of people I talk to like me. It is just when I am around strangers I get anxious and I close up quickly, and show zero emotion.

 

To get myself through some events in my younger years I developed the ability to control my emotions very well. The scenario that happened on Saturday has never happened to me before and I had to use my emotion control extensively to get through it. I don’t use it to that degree on a regular basis, trust me.

 

I would consider myself an optimistic person, and rarely have a negative attitude around people I am comfortable with. For some reason I feel strangers don’t want to talk to me and I get really anxious trying to start a conversation. However if a stranger comes up and starts talking to me I have very little problem talking to them. Sometimes I am a bit awkward but I can get through the conversation. I know it is really stupid. I am so close to being able to talk to strangers/ girls I like. I just need to learn how to deal with the anxiety that I sometimes feel. The last hump will probably be me actually “just doing it” and talk to a girl to realize that it isn’t that hard/ bad to talk to them. I tend to over think things before I do them. Once I do them they become very easy for me to do in the future.

 

I agree that it is important to stop comparing my experience level to others. It is a hard thought to shake. I actually didn’t think about it much before I started reading posts here and seeing for a select few, experience level as an issue. I just have to realize that if my experience level matters to someone, then I don’t want to be associated with that person. It is just the anxiety of the unknown I think. But more reading will help relieve some of that anxiety like xxNPxx suggested.

 

I definitely want to change my situation, and I have been working very hard for the last few months. My friends are starting to comment on how much I am changing, even my parents and sister. I am getting close; I just need some outside ideas. My Saturday night just pushed me to ask the question(s).

 

If you guys, or anyone else has any more advice on dealing with anxiety please leave a reply. Thanks again, you guys are awesome.

[dirktungsten]

i'm there all the time... and the irony is, i make a living teaching people how to deal with it.

 

there are ways to get better. my experience, find things that calm you in all situations and practice them every day. if you can train your body to be more calm in general, it will remain more calm in stressful situations.

 

and if you're an introvert like me, you prob. have limited energy to be social. i can go for about 2 hours in a row, then i need real rest, and i've learned to respect that. because i respect those rules, others do as well, and i find socializing much easier and much more fun.

[bostonbruins24]

It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety.That is a hard thing to overcome ,I have been socially anxious all my life.Personally,I think it is an inherited thing.Have you ever thought of trying medication that may help you with social anxiety? I have read a lot of great things about an older antidepressant Nardil that is supposedly hands down the best drug for social anxiety.I may try it.

[sns256]

Thank you for your reply.

 

there are ways to get better. my experience, find things that calm you in all situations and practice them every day. if you can train your body to be more calm in general, it will remain more calm in stressful situations.

 

I was thinking about this yesterday after my hockey game. I find that if I listen to certain types of music before the game I am a lot more relaxed and play much better. I am going to try to go this before I go out for a night. I think it will probably work.

 

and if you're an introvert like me, you prob. have limited energy to be social. i can go for about 2 hours in a row, then i need real rest, and i've learned to respect that. because i respect those rules, others do as well, and i find socializing much easier and much more fun.

 

Everyone around me tells me I am an introvert. But I don’t really feel like an introvert inside. Any personality test I take I am almost always exactly in the middle between introvert and extrovert, some call it being an Ambivert. Most of the times I am even a little bit on the extrovert side (60/40). I really like going out and socializing, but I also really like long two+ hour walks by myself. Some days I can say only two sentences and some days I can’t be quiet

 

I don’t get tired from going out and being social. Most of the best nights of socializing were the ones that start early like 6-7pm and end at 3am. I just get really hung up on talking to strangers. Once I get talking and comfortable I can’t stop talking. But getting comfortable is really tough, and takes a long time.

 

I only started socializing since I was 20. Before that I never even left the house once to go socialize. So I am a newbie to this stuff. I am still learning about myself and how I react to situations. Right now I am identifying problems that prevent me enjoying it 100% and trying to find solutions.

 

Like I said before I am close, there is light at the end of the tunnel. One day I will figure it out, and one day I will get a girlfriend. It is just going to take some hard work on myself.

 

Thanks again.

[sns256]

It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety.That is a hard thing to overcome ,I have been socially anxious all my life.Personally,I think it is an inherited thing.Have you ever thought of trying medication that may help you with social anxiety? I have read a lot of great things about an older antidepressant Nardil that is supposedly hands down the best drug for social anxiety.I may try it.

 

Thanks boston for replying. You must have written it while I was writing my other post.

 

I have looked into social anxiety disorder as a possibility. I do show some but not all of the symptoms. I certainly don’t show any of the extreme symptoms. I don’t really think I have it, but I may.

 

I have never been to a doctor about it. I have thought about medications to deal with it. I would be a little apprehensive solving my problem with drugs though. I wouldn’t want to develop dependence to it. I truly want to try and solve this myself. Because it will be me who is making the difference, not some pill. However I certainly won’t dismiss the possibility in the future. If I hit a huge road block and stop improving I will go to the doctor.

 

I can turn my shyness off almost completely when I need to. Like on a school project, or other similar situations. I am trying to figure out how to tap into that when talking to strangers. I am finding myself asking strangers simple questions now on a regular basis. I just have to keep improving.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[Blue Streak]

I have looked into social anxiety disorder as a possibility. I do show some but not all of the symptoms. I certainly don’t show any of the extreme symptoms. I don’t really think I have it, but I may.

 

There are many different levels of Social Anxiety. You clearly do not have as bad as others with SA but the fact remains that you are anxious in specific social situations like being around your friends, meeting new people, etc. Look again at the title of your thread, that is exactly what what social anxiety is!!!

 

It is an extremely misunderstood disease. Even most doctors don't understand it. I did not think I had it either for the longest time because I was just like you when I was in college. The anxiety would really only arise in specific social situations like meeting new people, being around friends, etc.

 

I have never been to a doctor about it. I have thought about medications to deal with it. I would be a little apprehensive solving my problem with drugs though. I wouldn’t want to develop dependence to it. I truly want to try and solve this myself. Because it will be me who is making the difference, not some pill.

 

You do not need medication whatsoever to overcome SA. It just takes determination. There are other techniques you can learn to overcome these anxious feelings much more effectively.

[shy2cool]

You sound exactly like me!!!!!!

[Ammy]

Okay I haven't read the whole thread admittedly... but social anxiety can be helped - there are strategies to overcome it. Do a bit of a google search for Social Anxiety and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - CBT.. you should find some good info and books for self-help, but in extreme cases where it interferes significantly with your life, you may consider seeing someone with training in CBT.

 

The premise of CBT is:

 

It is not the event that leads to the anxiety, it is the way you THINK about it that leads to anxiety.

 

Ie.

Person 1: Meeting a new attractive girl at a party --> Thinks: Wow she is great, but so am I, I think I should talk to her and we may get along --> confident, happy --> approaches the woman.

 

Person 2: Meeting the attractive girl --> She will think I am dumb, I'm not good enough for her etc --> Anxiety --> Avoidance

 

So it's about conquering those dysfunctional negative cognitions and replacing them with more rational ones like - she may or may not like me, but what's the harm in trying... I have nothing to lose.. etc...

 

Hope that helps a little!!

 

Ammy (I'm a psychologist in training.. I might be better use in a few months once I start my clinical training!! I also have OCD, so I have experience using CBT on myself!)

[bostonbruins24]

There are many different levels of Social Anxiety. You clearly do not have as bad as others with SA but the fact remains that you are anxious in specific social situations like being around your friends, meeting new people, etc. Look again at the title of your thread, that is exactly what what social anxiety is!!!

 

It is an extremely misunderstood disease. Even most doctors don't understand it. I did not think I had it either for the longest time because I was just like you when I was in college. The anxiety would really only arise in specific social situations like meeting new people, being around friends, etc.

 

 

 

You do not need medication whatsoever to overcome SA. It just takes determination. There are other techniques you can learn to overcome these anxious feelings much more effectively.

Medication can help.If your social anxiety is a specific result of brain chemistry or a lack of a certain neurotransmitter in your brain,finding the right med might be something to think about.

[Ramm Zwei]

As a fellow "sufferer" of mild SA myself I tell you this. Just embrace it, man. It's thanks to SA that I have been able to observe humanity through an objective lens as an observer and I think you've seen just how much of a worthless lot humanity has become. So why would you want to bring yourself down to their level? I say you just concentrate on getting a steady income to be able to live off of and not worry about having to make useless small talk with the people around you. People are idiots and selfish and don't give a crap about what you think. If you need to relieve yourself sexually, then move to a place where prostitution is legal. For unfortunately as human beings we come equipped with a sex drive and it must be fulfilled somehow even though it makes you envy machines.

[sns256]

Thanks guys for all the comments, and advice.

 

There are many different levels of Social Anxiety. You clearly do not have as bad as others with SA but the fact remains that you are anxious in specific social situations like being around your friends, meeting new people, etc. Look again at the title of your thread, that is exactly what what social anxiety is!!!

 

It is an extremely misunderstood disease. Even most doctors don't understand it. I did not think I had it either for the longest time because I was just like you when I was in college. The anxiety would really only arise in specific social situations like meeting new people, being around friends, etc.

 

You do not need medication whatsoever to overcome SA. It just takes determination. There are other techniques you can learn to overcome these anxious feelings much more effectively.

 

Yes I would readily admit I have some form of Social Anxiety. Once I put my mind to something I usually always put 100% effort into it, and am very determined. I have been making massive improvements since I have been making an effort to fix this problem. I am almost night and day since last September. I just had a really bad night that night, and it concerned me.

 

Like I said if I stop improving I will not hesitate about going to a doctor. I am tired living like I have been so far. I want to go on dates, kiss a girl, get a girlfriend, have sex, and so much more. I am going to fix myself one way or the other, dam it.

 

The topic of SA actually came up last night when I was out, which I will explain more later in the post.

 

Is there anywhere I can read about these techniques so that I might be able to teach myself? Or are they required to be taught by a doctor? Or is it the technique that Ammy is describing?

 

You sound exactly like me!!!!!!

 

I am glad that I am not the only one. What have you done to improve yourself?

 

 

Okay I haven't read the whole thread admittedly... but social anxiety can be helped - there are strategies to overcome it. Do a bit of a google search for Social Anxiety and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - CBT.. you should find some good info and books for self-help, but in extreme cases where it interferes significantly with your life, you may consider seeing someone with training in CBT.

 

The premise of CBT is:

 

It is not the event that leads to the anxiety, it is the way you THINK about it that leads to anxiety.

 

Ie.

Person 1: Meeting a new attractive girl at a party --> Thinks: Wow she is great, but so am I, I think I should talk to her and we may get along --> confident, happy --> approaches the woman.

 

Person 2: Meeting the attractive girl --> She will think I am dumb, I'm not good enough for her etc --> Anxiety --> Avoidance

 

So it's about conquering those dysfunctional negative cognitions and replacing them with more rational ones like - she may or may not like me, but what's the harm in trying... I have nothing to lose.. etc...

 

Hope that helps a little!!

 

Ammy (I'm a psychologist in training.. I might be better use in a few months once I start my clinical training!! I also have OCD, so I have experience using CBT on myself!)

 

Thanks Ammy! That is exactly what I wanted. I will make sure to research CBT. I am sure it will help. It sounds like I have been trying to do this already. But I am sure it will be quite beneficial getting some concrete info about the technique.

 

I definitely think like Person 2. I would love to think like Person 1 more. Sometimes I get close thinking like that but I usually (99%) chicken out. Hopefully I can use the CBT technique to start thinking like Person 1.

 

I am sure this will take more than a few months for me to overcome all of this. I will make sure if I have a question about this stuff I will ask you about it. Thanks.

 

Medication can help.If your social anxiety is a specific result of brain chemistry or a lack of a certain neurotransmitter in your brain,finding the right med might be something to think about.

 

I definitely won’t rule out medication. I just want to try without it for now. I might not even need it like Blue Streak said.

 

As a fellow "sufferer" of mild SA myself I tell you this. Just embrace it, man. It's thanks to SA that I have been able to observe humanity through an objective lens as an observer and I think you've seen just how much of a worthless lot humanity has become. So why would you want to bring yourself down to their level? I say you just concentrate on getting a steady income to be able to live off of and not worry about having to make useless small talk with the people around you. People are idiots and selfish and don't give a crap about what you think. If you need to relieve yourself sexually, then move to a place where prostitution is legal. For unfortunately as human beings we come equipped with a sex drive and it must be fulfilled somehow even though it makes you envy machines.

 

Yes I have seen the darker side of humanity, and it is not pretty. I used to think exactly like you. It was around 19-20 when I finally started going out with friends that I discovered that socializing was indeed fun. I wouldn’t say I absolutely need to socialize with people, but I do have an intense want to socialize. A lot of people are idiots and selfish, I agree. But every once in a while you do meet someone that you do get along with and have a great time together. I have about 2-3 really close friends and about 20-30 other friends that I can have a great time with, and it seems to grow every year.

 

Heck I even saw one of the bullies, on Saturday, who caused me so much pain in the past back when I was a small kid. He is one of my best buddies whenever we see each other (about 1-2 times a year). People can change.

 

As for relieving myself sexually, I can do that in front of a computer. I have never experienced any kind of intimacy before. That need of mine could never be fulfilled by a prostitute.

 

I will continue to try and improve myself. I do one day want to get a girlfriend.

 

------------------

Just an update on how I am doing.

 

Friday night was probably the best night of my life so far. Extremely long story short we ended up getting invited to a female friend’s of ours for a house warming party. She had her room mates there as well. I was shocked with myself; I was actually able to carry on a conversation with one of her roommates. I lost all track of time and it was 4:30am before we left. I was having such a great time, I wasn’t even tired. This stuff isn’t as hard as I thought it was. It shocked me when we were leaving the girl that I was talking to came up to me and hugged me goodbye. It was the first time I have ever been hugged by a girl. I know it sounds really silly coming from a 22 year old man, but it felt awesome. I must have been flirting with her or something when I was talking. My friends were saying that I could have “picked” her up if I had tried, whatever that means. I don’t really know what I am doing, or pick up on signals. But I feel great regardless. I’ll probably she her next weekend. We’ll see what happens. She was pretty drunk and I was near completely sober.

 

Saturday night was an interesting one. We were trying to convince our friend (the one that was in my first post, having his girlfriend wanting to get married soon), to go to the bar for awhile. He really didn’t want to go and he told me and my close friend only that he has severe social anxiety. He is extremely worried about going to public places, and even out to other peoples houses. I knew he didn’t like going out much and liked just hanging out with his girlfriend, but I would have never guessed he had social anxiety. He told us that he had gone to therapy, and taken medication for it. He said that the only thing that has helped him was using marijuana It was the only reason that he met his girlfriend. It was interesting to find this all out. I would have never guessed that he had any social anxiety, let alone as bad as he had it. Needless to say he didn’t come to the bar. We had to go because it was one of guys from hockey 30th birthday, and he was celebrating. It is amazing how many people you meet playing hockey, just not many women. LOL.

 

When we are at a bar like Saturday, or even at a house party like Friday night. I usually notice that my friends have women crawling all over them, or at least coming up to talk to them. I am trying to figure out why this never happens to me. It is weird sometimes. I think that I probably look awkward, and I am a large muscular athletic guy and maybe look not as inviting as my friends, who are allot more slender. I am also not as tall as them so it is harder to stand out. I am 5’11”, so I am not really that short but they are all 6’2”-6’4”. Just some interesting observations. I am also not drunk so that probably helps them too. LOL

[Ammy]

Your very welcome!! There is a book by an academic author named Dr Ron Rapee, which is apparently a very good self help guide for social anxiety - might be worth a read!

 

Ammy