have you ever given someone time and space to heal over their ex before you started anything?

[Anon333]

I guess the question is in the title..Has anyone ever met someone you really liked, and either you or them were still dealing with a bad breakup and trying to get over it? Did you both decide to give eachother space so it wasnt a rebound, did you try to decide to take it slow and hang out little by little, or did you go your separate ways, hoping you would both meet up when you were fully healed? If you did go your own ways, did you ever end up getting together? Just curious if anyone has dealt with someone who they were interested in, yet the person wasnt over their ex...If they really liked you, would they be able to get over their ex for you, or maybe it is just timing??

[wtm78]

yes... my rule is one year...

[heloladies21]

I did this and variations of it and by looking at the results, have come to one conclusion: it's a bad idea to give them the time! We are only here for a limited time on this earth and the last thing I have time for is to let someone gradually get over their ex. Either you get over him(/her) or get out of my life and I'm moving on.

 

The strange thing is, that for lots of people that's just the little push over the edge that they needed in order to get over their baggage.

 

So lesson is, always stick up for yourself and what you deserve. That's the bottom line.

[Anon333]

wow wtm 78 thats a lonnnggg time..by then then they may already be dating...I guess they would have to be super special to you? Or do you just go about your life hoping they will give you a call when they are ready? Okay, another question is, have you both started a relationship already or dated just a little, and THEN they tell you they arent over their ex? Or do they say they like you but have issues with their ex still? Just curious about the details now...I guess it must be a common thing with people breaking up and dating all the time...right?

[wtm78]

i guess i keep my rule to 1 year so that some things can be avoided.. like arent over their ex..

 

it is a common thing to rush into another relationship.. especially if both of them are dealing with breakup.. there is this symbionic need to be in a relationship.. that is when a rebound is masked as love...

 

the truth is.. you will never be ready for a relationship as long as you still think about your ex... and you will never entirely forget your ex before you enter another...

 

just give yourself sometime to heal... you may or may not end up together if you go your separate way.. but that is the wisest thing to do... to prevent another heartache...

 

dont worry about being in a relationship.. you are still young.. there is plenty of fishes out there...

[catfeeder]

You know, I was never smart enough to wait when I was younger. Results--I've never had a successful relationship either while on the rebound or with someone who was rebounding. I've also never known a successful relationship that survived premature relating or dating or mating.

 

The baggage isn't visible, but it's insidious and it's real.

 

I agree with WTM's year.

[Anon333]

hmm, interesting...Sometimes I think it is good to take risks for possible love if you are aware and cautious...Because you can just as easily be hurt by not taking risks.....Anytime you get involved with someone it is a risk...I ask this question because I dated someone for a couple weeks who clearly is not over his ex...I stepped away from it and do not want to get involved unless he was ready or we both agreed to take it slow...Right now, I dont even think he is too concerned with me, and has more going on in his head with his ex, but I do wonder about things down the road....But if it is year...I may not even be living in this town or near him....I have already been single a year...I guess I have to just be single somemore and hope for that one in a million chance I will meet someone else I really like....Seems so rare to me...

[catfeeder]

hmm, interesting...Sometimes I think it is good to take risks for possible love if you are aware and cautious...Because you can just as easily be hurt by not taking risks.....Anytime you get involved with someone it is a risk...

 

Sure, any relationship is a risk, and that's exactly why you want to pursue odds in your favor as opposed to odds that work against you. Time doesn't give us do-overs, so you don't want a zero-yielding risk sucking yours up and preventing you from taking more reasonable risks instead.

 

 

I ask this question because I dated someone for a couple weeks who clearly is not over his ex...I stepped away from it and do not want to get involved unless he was ready or we both agreed to take it slow...Right now, I dont even think he is too concerned with me, and has more going on in his head with his ex, but I do wonder about things down the road....But if it is year...I may not even be living in this town or near him....I have already been single a year...I guess I have to just be single somemore and hope for that one in a million chance I will meet someone else I really like....Seems so rare to me...

 

Yep, it's rare but it only takes one 'right' one.