beginning stages of a relationship, how did it start for you?

[Anon333]

Hi, Im just wondering how many people had relationships in which they met the person, hit it off, and then just started dating and no one got cold feet or pulled back or said they werent ready? I know every dynamic is different, so I was wondering how smoothly the beginnings of a long term relationship starts off...were they just broken up with someone else and had issues? did male or female persue? who was more interest at first? did either of you back off and not see eachother for some reason or other and give it a try again? did you know eachother long at first....?

 

All these questions I'd like to know how most people's relationships begin or start and if more were bumpy starts, or more were ones where you both knew you wanted to be with that person right off, so you were.....Please share..thanks

[_Asti_]

I had no personal interest when I met my boyfriend. We were introduced at a party, he took an interest in me, I wasn't interested in him.

 

We became casual friends, our social circles overlapped so we saw each other frequently while out. Then we started talking over MSN almost nightly and then started hanging out alone, going out together one on one, but I still wasn't feeling the 'chemistry'

 

It went on for months, when he brought up the relationship talk once more, I guess I had 'dragged' it on long enough, but during that time I realized how great of a guy he was, the qualities he had, and just decided to give it a shot, if it didn't work, it didn't work.

 

We've been together almost 4.5 years and its been pretty damn amazing. I have no complaints, he definetly is the one.

[Anon333]

thanks asti, good to hear...Sounds like you kept an open mind and gave things a chance...Did you ever feel turned off by his high level of interest, like he was pushing you? Or did he give you lots of space and time....? So strange to me.....I kinda am asking this question because I met someone I really like and broke things off because he wasnt over his ex..I am hoping that there is no conventional way that relationships start, and some have a bumpy beginning, and some never get off the ground I guess...I'd love to hear more experiences...

[kuiks8]

I think you will find different experiences for each person...my current SO and i had a rocky start, we saw each other on a weekend when we were both away, he was living in Edmonton, i was in Vancouver but we were both in the same place for a weekend. We had a great night together, made out, talked etc and had a wonderful afternoon together the next day before he left to go back home. We started talking on the phone regularly and then he flew out for a long weekend about a month later, it was wonderful, very low key and mellow. We started sleeping together at that point, he flew back to Edmonton and moved out to Victoria at the end of that month, i helped him move and get settled, we ended up spending a full week together at his new apartment and with the stress of him moving and the small space and it being a new relationship it got pretty stressful, at that point we almost broke up...

we started seeing each other on weekends, we both backed off a bit and just tried to enjoy our time together without defining what we were and things have been pretty great since...it's been almost 6 months now and we still have the typical relationship issues but we also have a deep and abiding love and respect for each other.

 

We have known each other since we were kids, we went to elementary school together...

hope the example is helpful...

[rosephase]

My boyfriend and I met once, and he caught my eye. So the next time I heard he was going to be out I went out just to see him. He got my e-mail address and we set up a time to hang out. We both went crazy for each other. At one point we where both kind of stalking each other. No 2nd thoughts, no cold feet on ether side, he was talking about meeting my family the 2nd weekend we spent together. Said I love you on our 2nd date. Moved in 3 months in. It was amazing. Nether of us could believe it. We kept saying "I love you, but if we just wake up one day and this isn't real then I'm really happy to have had this time" but it was real. 3 years later I have never loved him more.

[_Asti_]

thanks asti, good to hear...Sounds like you kept an open mind and gave things a chance...Did you ever feel turned off by his high level of interest, like he was pushing you? Or did he give you lots of space and time....? So strange to me.....I kinda am asking this question because I met someone I really like and broke things off because he wasnt over his ex..I am hoping that there is no conventional way that relationships start, and some have a bumpy beginning, and some never get off the ground I guess...I'd love to hear more experiences...

 

He certainly wasn't pushy. There was about 6 months between us meeting and finally becoming official. And I think his patience paid off, I don't think many people would wait around.

 

What I was 'put off' by or intimidated by was his 'expectations'

He was in a prior long term relationship, almost 5 years older than me, and was ready for a hefty commitment, I guess you could say. That part intimidated me because I have no relationship experience.

 

But he respected my wishes, my desire at taking things slow, being understanding and supportive and guiding me, and that was big for me.

[HellFrost666]

I met her at a bar through some mutual friends.

 

I left the house with the intention of getting completely smashed that night. Seriously... I even took Chaser.

 

She came walking in with these two friends of mine and I was attracted to her right away. I am very shy, and I was single for nine years before that. So I really didn't know how to even approach her.

 

We were all crowded around this small table. She was right next to me, but her back was turned and she was talking to one of my friends. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure out something to say to her.

 

She hurt her wrist earlier that day at work. Someone noticed her injury and asked what happened. She said she was getting stigmata. I laughed, and asked her if she was a good Catholic girl. She said "Oh God no..."

 

I never thought I would ever use religion as an icebreaker.

 

I hardly drank at all that night. I didn't want to be a drunk ass in front of her.

 

After that the two of us were deep in conversation until the bar closed. Then we all went back to my house.

 

The rest is pretty much history.

 

I did learn ater that the two friends who brought her there were actually trying to hook her up with my roomate. They didn't tell her that though.

 

So, that's how it all began.

[Anon333]

ohhh..Im so jealous of all of your situations...Sounds so sweet...I guess no one really experienced first meeting someone and hanging out and then taking time apart only to try again..Maybe to break things off that early on already means it isnt supposed to work out..Im just giving things time to see what happens I guess...Sometimes there is no predicting what way something will go..I have always been surprised by past relationships...

[kuiks8]

well why don't you say a little more about your situation?

[_Asti_]

If he's not over his ex, its essential that he does take the time to do so. The past has no business in the present, and its good if he wants the time to get over it fully and be able to give all of himself to his next relationship.

 

It's like "Right place, wrong time..." If the right intentions are there, things can work out.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I had no personal interest when I met my boyfriend. We were introduced at a party, he took an interest in me, I wasn't interested in him.

 

We became casual friends, our social circles overlapped so we saw each other frequently while out. Then we started talking over MSN almost nightly and then started hanging out alone, going out together one on one, but I still wasn't feeling the 'chemistry'

 

It went on for months, when he brought up the relationship talk once more, I guess I had 'dragged' it on long enough, but during that time I realized how great of a guy he was, the qualities he had, and just decided to give it a shot, if it didn't work, it didn't work.

 

We've been together almost 4.5 years and its been pretty damn amazing. I have no complaints, he definetly is the one.

 

Hehe. Me and my bf where similar.

For me it was like this:

I was dating an ex bf back in 2005. We went to a party and he introduced me to his friend (call him D).

Me and the bf broke up in a few months. I was heartbroken. In a rut. But I saw D on a social networking site and added him. We began chatting on Msn for a long time. D seemed to have alot of interest in me. Me... not so much.

I just really loved chatting to him.

 

Fast forward 2 years later and we began talking alot on the phone, and finally made up an excuse to hang out. (We'd both gotten in and out of short term relationships the whole time).

Attraction was there, but it seemed like I was still on the fence about him.

After about 2 months of phone talks, texts and hanging out on the weekends, we finally kissed and I knew there was definitly an attraction there. Been together almost a year and it's the most amazing relationship I've ever ever been in.

 

I never had a serious relationship like this where I felt like someone loved me so much. In the past I had only had relationships for the sake of it I guess.. "Practise relationships" I like to call em lol.

[JeckyllNHyde]

thanks asti, good to hear...Sounds like you kept an open mind and gave things a chance...Did you ever feel turned off by his high level of interest, like he was pushing you? Or did he give you lots of space and time....? So strange to me.....I kinda am asking this question because I met someone I really like and broke things off because he wasnt over his ex..I am hoping that there is no conventional way that relationships start, and some have a bumpy beginning, and some never get off the ground I guess...I'd love to hear more experiences...

 

This wasn't directed at me but I can relate:

I also posted threads in the past about how I felt kinda turned off and conflicted by my bf's high interest. It made me worry maybe he liked me more and I didn't like him as much as I should or that I never would.

I wasn't over the last guy I had been dating either. He wasn't over his ex and he dumped me. I was crushed. So the whole time me and D where getting to know each other, I had some thoughts of my ex running in my mind.

At several moments I wanted to back out, b/c I wasn't sure yet, while D. was drowning me in compliments. I also told him though that he needed to stop constantly complimenting (but in a nice way).

 

I wanted to back out. I now remember that we had a moment where we kind of cooled off. And I got mad b/c of some misunderstanding. But at that point, without me knowing I liked him too much to never make contact again.

What made me realise I liked him more was when I went on a 1 week vacation and we had no contact.

After that though things went smooth.

[hiphop3]

well..although i tell people a different story, this is how it really happened...

 

he randomly added me to facebook and we private messaged each other a few times about music

then he said he used to live in vancouver (he was in whistler at the time) and could tell me some cool things to do about the city

i then said he should just add me to msn

we talked for 3 months online and then he moved back to van.

we ended up going to the same hip hop show and bumped into each other in line. we were both with a friend so the 4 of us hung out.

a few weeks later i went for drinks with him and one of his friends.

he slept over but we didn't have sex. he was moving away to toronto in about 3 weeks and we hung out as much as possible before he left.

when he moved to toronto we talked a lot online. things didn't pan out for him there and he said he was in love with me so after 2 months he moved back.

our 1 year is coming up in 2 weeks!

[Anon333]

Thanks everyone..I have posted my situation a few times in a different area....Maybe it wasnt meant to be...But essentially, I met this guy who was interested in me...We clicked right away...He came to my work the next day but we didnt see eachother...I came into his work and he asked for my number...He said for me to call anytime I want to hang out or I'm bored...he kinda left it up to me..Then he told me I should go to a show he'd be at..We met up and I ended up going back to his place and hanging out and saying how I really liked him...He said he was really interested in getting to know me...He was super sweet and into me, said he even asked his friend about the situation, said he just really wanted to get to know me. He also mentioned he had just gotten out of a relationship....And her stuff was still in the apartment..basically, he liked me and wanted to take things slowly, but his heart is all messed up about his ex.....

 

So, we hung out for about two and a half weeks..He was consistant in calling me and texting me...He made a few date plans that we went on, met up every other day, we were really good with eachother and had a ball....THEN..One morining he seemed distant..I went home and texted him and didnt hear back from him till later that day...I kinda freaked out in my head and realized I was getting attached and that if he couldnt respond to my texts fast enough, than he wasnt into me...I called him up, and at first kinda ignored things, he asked if I wanted to hang out wednesday..I said sure.....Then and hour later I called him and said I sensed he was dealing with issues with his ex still and I wasnt sure it was good I wanted to be part of it..He didnt say much, just that I was intuitive, and that he had been feeling really down that day about things (his ex), and agreed he didnt want to hurt me,..He asked if we could still talk here and there, I told him I wanted to cut things off and not talk to him or see him and for him to call me when he was ready.....

 

One week passed and I was so sad I hadnt heard from him (why would I expect to so soon?) I think I was kinda playing a power card, and also I was deathly afraid of being hurt....At the time I though I was being mature cutting things off, now I miss him so much, I wouldnt care if I just saw him one day out of the week...

 

Anyway...I ran into him at a bar a couple nights ago..He made the effort to come up and say hello to me, and I was really awkward, he ran off. I texted him when I got out of the bar after a few drinks....he responded once that he had left already. i texted him some embarrassing stuff about whether I should just forget about him for good, and I called him twice..No response....The next day I texted him in the morning I was sorry about the drunk calls and asked him to call me..He called me..We talked..I kept things light...asked him if he thought what we did was a good idea..(he is so hard to read and so quiet)..he said, "probably" in a question mark way... but that he liked me..He mentioned also about how his ex is still wanting to be his "friend" even though she is dating someone else, and that she had to come the other week to get the rest of her stuff and thats why he was down the other week when I broke things off. I gave him my own experience about break ups and how hard it was on me in past relationships and about staying friends and prolonging the pain..When I apologized for calling him the other night, he said I could call any time...Anyway...I left things really fast and said I guess we'll talk later....And that is that....

 

I know I probably pushed him and scared him away...I know he is not ready for anything serious. But I wonder if he is interested in me and if there is a possibility for us. i wonder if me breaking things off was like a rejection, and now he doesnt want to call me or put in effort because I freaked out and broke things off, or if he was relieved I noticed he was struggling and broke things off. I want to come clear out and ask him, bit I dont want to push him any more.....I figure I will give it a couple weeksm and if I dont hear from him, Ill call him to see how he has been and invite him to a movie, and try to restart the getting to know eachother slowly..If he declines, I'll know to move on for good...OR should I just leave him alone for good and not try to be his friend and be open to him, even though I really really like him more than I have anyone, and he is worth it to me..I just dont want to come accross as needy and pushy...

 

Sorry this was so long!

[ColorBlue]

Wow this sounds a lot like my girlfriend and me right now. When I first met her, it was over MSN through another friend (who I met online..watching one-piece haha So this girl Ren introduces me to her friend Sarah online around January, and we hit it off pretty well. During this time, I was already interested in this guy I knew around me named Steve, and I shared my problems and feelings with those two, but eventually I started talking just more and more with Sarah instead. Eventually, I gave up on Steve, and I didn't suffer for it either. It felt more...freeing I guess. As time went on, we chatted more and more. Neither of us really knew we liked each other a certain way, we just loved talking to each other every day.

 

So College semester starts up, its her first year in community college, and I've in my second year. Through a few weeks, there was this guy that was sort of showing interest in her, and suddenly one night she told me "UH..I GOTTA GO" And i asked where she was going since this was pretty sudden and we normally talked about everything, and she was like "HOT DATE?". Right then, I felt pretty shocked. I said "okay. Have fun" and she left. That event opened my eyes to how I felt about her. I felt sad, jealous, and kind of a shocked numbness. I was going to try to keep it to myself when she came back, but she noticed somehow that I wasn't my normal self and she asked about me and eventually I let it out and found out she liked me too. A couple of days later was when I felt completely happy and trusting in her in this relationship we found ourselves to be in. She had no interest in that guy, and all was well. =] Its almost been 3 months now. We're planning on spending a week or two together during the summer at my house the first time we meet in real life.

[Kitz]

i think the way me and my boyfriend got together is quite amusing, considering we have the perfect relationship that everyone wants (or so im told) lol

 

I first saw him one morning at a party when i was tripping on mushrooms and thinking about the future. I looked straight at him and thought "wouldnt it be weird if i go out with him in the future but i dont know it yet?" thought he was hot, so i asked my friend who i went with if she knew who he was. She did.

A couple of weeks later, i saw him out clubbing... i was looking pretty hot that night so I had the courage to go up to him and go "hey, are you Z? i saw you at that party the other weekend!" .... to which his reply was to go "oh sh!t" and RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!

having expected him to have the complete opposite reaction (crack onto me, not run away) i got a bit cut... however seeing as he didnt react in the usual way, it got me interested, so i chased after him.

 

Next time i saw him out clubbing he was sitting on the couches and so was I... we kept making eye contact, so I decided to go over and talk to him. He started telling me about the party i saw him at last, and why he ran away from me (turns out he got really, really, really loose, and decided it would be a good idea to take his pants off and shake his snake around on the dancefloor - he thought i'd seen this, (i hadn't) and was embarrassed so he ran away!). Me and my friends song came on so she ran up to drag me away to the dancefloor and that was the end of that, allthough i kept seeing him stare at me while i was dancing. (recently he told me that he thought i was so hot, so he burnt that image of me dancing into his mind to masturbate to later... haha)

 

This was when i was working full time and absoloutely hating my job. I was in a desperate need of a change, so i quit my job, decided i was moving down to melbourne to be with my ex boyfriend and went on a three day bender. on the last day of my bender, i saw Z out clubbing again. We were both smashed (i was celebrating freedom, he was celebrating his 20th birthday) and so there was no awkwardness, just went straight up to him and started chatting. I was like, "i quit my job and im moving to melbourne to be with my ex!" and he was like, "melbourne, thats cool, im thinking about moving down to adelaide coz my ex girlfriends down there too!" .... and needless to say, we ended up hooking up that night and neither of us got back with our exs.. talking about this later, we both say it was more of an easy ticket out of this cruddy town rather than genuine wanting to be with our exes. I was still in my "awesomely single" stage at that time and refused to admit that I had a boyfriend, but we spent every weekend together, stayed over at eachothers houses frequently, and somehow we just decided we were both commited to the other person, without anything being said. He is my first love, and i genuinely love him. He first said "i love you" on our month anniversary; i'd had a bad dream about him cheating on me with his ex and i woke up crying and he was like what? whats wrong?! and i told him... and then i was like i really, really, REALLY like you... to which he replied "i love you" and i was so shocked there was this long silence and then i was like "really?!" .. smooth huh!

 

We moved in together after 4 months and while i freaked out so much about how fast this relationship has moved, 9 months later things are still going so so perfectly. People always tell me relationships are hard work and all my past relationships except for this one have been; but Z and I communicate so easily with eachother, theres no shame in saying "you doing this makes me jealous/hurts my feelings/etc, please dont" and no ones going to take it as a personal attack, and because we can communicate so well with eachother, this is what i think makes our relationship work, along with a general love of the other person. We go through sh!t just like any other couple but we resolve arguments so quickly... we're always being told that we have the ideal relationship and i cant count the number of times random strangers have told us how cute we are together. I feel almost bad talking about it, but i never in a million years thought i'd ever have a relationship like this. I just think its good to know and have hope that decent guys are out there, and relationships dont have to be hard work, as long as you can communicate properly.

[JeckyllNHyde]

We're planning on spending a week or two together during the summer at my house the first time we meet in real life.

 

It's really cool when you meet the first time but also soooooooooo scary.

For me I didn't know yet if I was gonna like him in real life, that is what was so scary. What if we'd been talkng so long and hitting it off and he turns out NOT to like me? Gah!? Or what if I don't like him?

But it turned out great. Better then I imagined.

I went to his work, and was so shy. He had a sparkle in his eyes, and his hair was all gelled up looking cute. I glanced at him and quickly looked away. I greeted him and went away as quickly as I could lol since I'd gone to his work place to meet the manager.

After that me and him spoke. And luckily we made it less award by him showing me around the place (while he secretly checked me out and vice versa haha). We went for smoothies then I went home. Short and sweet. I think that might be best for first meetings, but there is no "right" way in the end.

[forever1130]

Hmm some interesting stories so far...

 

Here's mine:

Me and my bf met through work, I was only 16 when I started working there and he was 21 at the time. Anyways he tells me that he liked me from the very beginning; however the age thing kept him from hardly even talking to me since he thought I would be creeped out. I'm pretty sure when I started working there he was still going out with his ex so I didn't even pay attention to him as anything more than my coworker. However as the summer went on (I work at an indoor soccer place, and we do camps during the summer) I started liking him more and more. I thought he was a really interesting, funny, and just all around cool person. But him being 5 years older was enough to keep me from initiating anything! As the summer came to an end we started talking more and more, first over myspace then texting, then calling. Its obvious that we both liked each other so finally he tells me "if you were older I would absolutely want to date you" and all I can think is damn it, there go my chances. We contiune to talk and hang out and eventually the 5 year differnece doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. He finally asks me out, and exactly one year later ( today is our one year ) we are still together and happier and more in love than ever!

So we had a bit of a rough start but in the end everything turned out wonderful.

Wow that was longer than I expected lol

[lana111]

for me...

 

he was a guy at work. he started in march and i was totally into him by may. i had feelings for him right away but i had a bf. i guess he had feelings too bc after about two times of a group of us hanging out outside of work, he invited me out alone. we just sorta started spending time togther. it was clear that we wanted to pursue a relationship eventhough i was in one. i broke up with my bf and that was that.

 

early on in the relationship he said in bed that he wasnt looking for anyone else... i guess that was the "talk". there were no bumpy parts of the relationship, well except that i had a bf at first which i guess was odd for him ahahaha. its been over a year and its still smooth sailing.

[Batya33]

We had dated in the past. Eight years later we met for a friendly catch up dinner - no plans to start dating on either end. He had just ended a long term relationship and I had started dating someone but not seriously. 10 days after our dinner (where sparks flew but neither of us acknowledged it) he called me and asked me to go out to dinner and the theater that Saturday night but it was unclear whether it was meant to be a date. We went, he insisted on paying for everything, had a great time, more sparks but no talk of dating (I assume because he just broke up with someone). We stayed in sporadic touch over the next 10 days but he didn't ask me out again. I knew he was leaving town the following month for a few months. I made it clear that I'd be interested in hanging out again.

 

He called me again about 10 days after our previous meeting and asked me out again for dinner and the theater. After the theater he asked me whether I wanted to start dating again. We decided we did and he asked me out for two weeks in advance (the next time he would be in town) for our first "official" date. That weekend we started dating again and decided to be exclusive.

 

The serious relationship prior to that, we met on a blind date, he called me the next day (Monday) to ask me out for that coming Saturday, we went out, and that day we made plans for our next date, about a week later. He started talking about being exclusive after about 4-5 dates and made it clear from the beginning that he was interested in me and in a serious relationship with me.

[TropicalParadise]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, and right from the beginning it was serious.

 

He used to come to my old work all the time, and I always had the biggest crush on him (I later found out he liked me too) but I never acted on it because I had a boyfriend, and he was in serious relationship at the time, although they were having a lot of problems.

 

Two years later, we saw each other at a mutual friend's party, and from that moment on we were inseperable. I actually met him at the worst time - I was leaving a few states away for school a week later, but we kept in touch and he ended up driving 10 hours to see me (crazy, I know, because we had only known each other for a month by this time!) I ended up moving back - long story, but yeah I'll admit he was part of my decision! And we've been together ever since. He's my best friend and I'm still head over heels in love with him. O