While we were broken up. my bf slept with someone else..now i dunno if i can do it!

[Hannah13]

I know the girl, my last few posts ive made on ENA explain more. It was a one time thing for him, they only did it once and i guess they planned it or somethihng. Problem is, im not sure i can do stuff let alone have sex with him now. its weird for me, and makes me wanna throw up

 

how can i get past it? take thigns slow? just forget about it? hes the only guy ie ever slept with, and i WAS the ohnly girl for him.

[qwertyuiop]

If you two were broken up, I don't think it is something you should hold against him. Especially if it was just a one time thing. If there had been feelings involved, that would be a different story. I know it can be hard to get that image out of your head, and he needs to realize that he needs to assure you that it meant nothing, and that you're the one he wants. It'll be hard but if you two love each other, it will be worth it to try and work through it.

[redhearts]

It's like Ross and Rachel, "we were on a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She couldn't really forgive him, it took years before they got back together. Put it this way before he met you he did sleep with other females. I mean this was after he met you, not when you were dating, but if you can't let it go, then you probably can't be with him.

[Supa_gurl]

It's like Ross and Rachel, "we were on a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She couldn't really forgive him, it took years before they got back together. Put it this way before he met you he did sleep with other females. I mean this was after he met you, not when you were dating, but if you can't let it go, then you probably can't be with him.

 

They were each other's first.

 

So it makes it much harder I think.

 

Hannah-If you feel this relationship is worth it and worth fighting for. Then do it. Tell him how you feel and how betrayed it makes you feel. Granted, you were broken up so he had every right to do what he wanted. But that doesn't make you feel any better. Talk to him and work through it if you can.

[KG]

Maybe look at it this way....He slept with her once...but now he's strictly with you.

Ultimately, it is you he will be sleeping with....her loss, your gain.

I know it seems very important to you now, but down the road this will only seem like speed bump."

[Hannah13]

thanks guys. i understand completely that he and i werent together, so it really shouldnt be that HUGE for me. But sex is something so meaningful to me, and he always said it was for him too. I just cant understand how he'd do it, especially with someone i was co workers with, and how he really didnt have feelings for her. Maybe its just a guy thing haha Im really trying, but its extremely hard for me.

 

I do have to give him credit though. Ever since we got back together, he's been every girls dream guy, its actually very hard to stay mad or anything at him! Hopefully i can get past him sleeping with her and just enjoy being together with him

[Taomagicdragon]

It's not a guy thing, it's a human thing.

 

Logically, he picked someone with a relation to you that's far enough removed so that it's different but still related to you. In a sense, he was vicariously making love with you by having sex with your co-worker. It was a physical means with another in order to become emotionally connected to you.

[Hannah13]

It's not a guy thing, it's a human thing.

 

Logically, he picked someone with a relation to you that's far enough removed so that it's different but still related to you. In a sense, he was vicariously making love with you by having sex with your co-worker. It was a physical means with another in order to become emotionally connected to you.

 

 

he says that doing it with her(he and she said they both didnt even 'finish') made him realize how much he needed me in his life. Could this be true?

[midnightrambler]

I know the girl, my last few posts ive made on ENA explain more. It was a one time thing for him, they only did it once and i guess they planned it or somethihng. Problem is, im not sure i can do stuff let alone have sex with him now. its weird for me, and makes me wanna throw up

 

how can i get past it? take thigns slow? just forget about it? hes the only guy ie ever slept with, and i WAS the ohnly girl for him.

 

 

nothing worse than have sex with someone then imagining while you are doing it that some else has been doing the same with your lady......good luck forgetting

[Taomagicdragon]

he says that doing it with her(he and she said they both didnt even 'finish') made him realize how much he needed me in his life. Could this be true?

 

When one can't compare they contrast so it's within reason this could happen and seeing as he had no obligation to you during this tryst, it isn't necessarily immoral to you that he did this (if anything it was an insult to the co-worker and a compliment to you, in this light).

[Taomagicdragon]

nothing worse than have sex with someone then imagining while you are doing it that some else has been doing the same with your lady......good luck forgetting

 

People have sex, they were single, it's possible he did it to gauge his feelings which, if he was IN the relationship, would have been a grievous lapse of judgment but, in this skewed scenario, it actually worked to a benefit of the OP and was, if anything, a slight at the co-worker.

[midnightrambler]

People have sex, they were single, it's possible he did it to gauge his feelings which, if he was IN the relationship, would have been a grievous lapse of judgment but, in this skewed scenario, it actually worked to a benefit of the OP and was, if anything, a slight at the co-worker.

 

that is why after a break up it is better to find new partners, not retreads

[Taomagicdragon]

that is why after a break up it is better to find new partners, not retreads

 

Better? in most cases yes but seeing as these two are in a possible process of getting back together, the situation here is different from the norm. No it;s not common but I did already say this was a skewed scenario.

[amtjrtcet]

I know the girl, my last few posts ive made on ENA explain more. It was a one time thing for him, they only did it once and i guess they planned it or somethihng. Problem is, im not sure i can do stuff let alone have sex with him now. its weird for me, and makes me wanna throw up

 

how can i get past it? take thigns slow? just forget about it? hes the only guy ie ever slept with, and i WAS the ohnly girl for him.

 

You were on a break! Let it go or let him go.

[midnightrambler]

Better? in most cases yes but seeing as these two are in a possible process of getting back together, the situation here is different from the norm. No it;s not common but I did already say this was a skewed scenario.

 

certainly better for me

[dev22]

It depends on what is upseting you here. If it is just the "ew, its gross and weird he has had sex with someone else" then you can probably get over it. If it is more of a trust issue that he had sex with someone while you were broken up and you have issues in that department, I think that will be much harder to overcome.

 

If you are serious about this person and you want to continue your relationship, you are going to need to have some heart to hearts about how you feel.

[shemo]

I went thru the same thing just a few months back. We are back together and going strong although the thoughts do penetrate my mind often. I try to shake them off and remember that he is in love with ME, that he used this girl to make himself feel better after we had broken up. Yes it does feel like a betrayal, and to a certain extent it is, but we all make mistakes and I have chosen to let him make up for this one, but this time only.

 

Good luck to you.

[Hannah13]

It depends on what is upseting you here. If it is just the "ew, its gross and weird he has had sex with someone else" then you can probably get over it.

 

yes this is it. its not that i feel betrayed or have trust issues..ii understnd he and i were NOT together.

 

I went thru the same thing just a few months back. We are back together and going strong although the thoughts do penetrate my mind often. I try to shake them off and remember that he is in love with ME, that he used this girl to make himself feel better after we had broken up. Yes it does feel like a betrayal, and to a certain extent it is, but we all make mistakes and I have chosen to let him make up for this one, but this time only.

 

Good luck to you.

 

thanks, sounds like a very similar situation. I dont mean to think about it, but obviously working with her, and being with him, it comes up sometimes. plus the whole thing that he has told me about it seems weird, but idk. thanks

[Hannah13]

im also just not sure i can/want to be with someone who takes sex so lightly and can just arrange a hook up for sex, once. its just not what i believe in and im not sure i can be w someone who thinks like that

[Abbygail]

If I was in this situation, I couldn't do it. Knowing he was with someone else while he knew me was just something I couldn't be able to take.

 

If you think you can get past this, then you need to forgive him for it and work on reconciling it with yourself. however if you don't, then you should end it.

[Taomagicdragon]

There's nothing to forgive because they were separated. Talk it out, yes, but no one did anything wrong here based on the information given.

[blue69]

im also just not sure i can/want to be with someone who takes sex so lightly and can just arrange a hook up for sex, once. its just not what i believe in and im not sure i can be w someone who thinks like that

 

If that is the case then you better prepare yourself for finding that perfect someone. It might take a while.

 

I think Tao did a good job of giving you a different perspective. You broke up, for whatever reasons. He tried something very different, didn't like it, came back to you and has been a "perfect" boyfriend since.

 

Yet, you can't seem to let go of the fact that he is human.

 

Either appreciate what you have today or search for something better in the future.

 

Sex is absolutely wonderful between two caring loving people. An act of intimacy and connection. It is also a very pleasurable event. Physically. It is designed to be that way.

 

Guilt, shame and insecurity suck in a sexual relationship. It does nothing but create negative energy into a relationship. Enjoy what you have.

[midnightrambler]

If I was in this situation, I couldn't do it. Knowing he was with someone else while he knew me was just something I couldn't be able to take.

 

If you think you can get past this, then you need to forgive him for it and work on reconciling it with yourself. however if you don't, then you should end it.

 

i agree with this

[shemo]

yes this is it. its not that i feel betrayed or have trust issues..ii understnd he and i were NOT together.

 

 

 

thanks, sounds like a very similar situation. I dont mean to think about it, but obviously working with her, and being with him, it comes up sometimes. plus the whole thing that he has told me about it seems weird, but idk. thanks

 

and that i do understand as well! my boyfriend works with the girl he messed with. i hate that he sees her 5x a week but there's nothing i can do about it. im sure she's just as pissed off as i am since she was basically used.