stephla Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I've met a guy and we went out couple of times together. Not on dates,just hanging out,he knew I had a boyfriend of two years. He really seems like a fun guy,and I really like him as friend,nothing more,i'm in love with my bf. But I got a feeling he likes me more than just a friend,and he kind of said that to me. So I started thinking how this was very unfair to my bf,especially because he doesn't know about this. I've just met him,and I didn't wanna hurt my bf's feelings. I'm not cheating,we both have friends of opposite sex. Funny thing is my bf has a female friend who's in love with him and I don't mind,since he's not into her in that way,and I trust him. Even funnnier is that my bf is a bit of a jealous type,and he doesn't really like me having male friends,but he keeps it under control. I don't wanna mess up my relationship. I can't hide this friend from him. I also don't wanna lose this friend,he's trully great. He said he doesn't want anything from me,but it's more than obvious he does. I think he just wants to take it very slow not to push me away,and he hopes for more. I said him friendship is all there is and all there'll ever be,but still he's making me uncomfortable,and i'm feeling guilty for it. Shoud I be feeling this way,and what shoud I do? Do you think this friend could cool himself down by time and we can really be friends or it will only get worse on his side,and we should stop seeing each other. I've already told him it's the best we don't see each other anymore,though it's not what I want,and he was so sad why was I doing that,and now he keeps calling me out,and I feel terrible. And I don't know if we continue hanging out and I tell it to my bf,if he gets jealous,will that push him away,or it'll make him appreciate me more etc. I'm not doing this to make him feel that way,i'm just wondering. How to deal with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I also don't wanna lose this friend,he's trully great. He said he doesn't want anything from me,but it's more than obvious he does. I think he just wants to take it very slow not to push me away,and he hopes for more. I said him friendship is all there is and all there'll ever be,but still he's making me uncomfortable,and i'm feeling guilty for it. So he's obviously not that good a friend if he doesn't respect either your stance on his feelings, or your relationship. It won't go away. He'll just take your continued friendship as a positive reaction to his advances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I've been in similar situations as you and I believe the best thing to do is to let the friend go. My main concern is for the friend, he is going to continue to have feelings and most likely this will intensify. I have seen my friends get very hurt and frustrated when I have been unable to return the affection, the most selfless thing you can do is to relinquish the friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I think that you're already emotionally invested in whatever this connection is with your new friend. You are so invested that you have bothered to post about it on ENA. Since that is the case, it's already reached the inappropriate level in regards to your current boyfriend. To be fair, this new guy is not your friend. He sees you as a potential mate. You don't see him that way. Really, you two don't have much to offer each other, although I can understand how your ego appreciates it when someone new treats you well and shows interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 If this guy is just a friend to you, you should have no problem at all introducing him to your boyfriend. If you're truly committed to your boyfriend, why wouldn't you end this friendship that could cause problems in your relationship? It's ok to have friends of the opposite sex, but having to hide them from your SO, is only asking for trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoda Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 you would be surprised how different (mean) this 'friend' can be when they finally run out of patience and give up on the (fake) 'friendship' because they haven't gotten what they want. I think the whole 'fake' friends thing is just another passive aggressive way of dating someone who's unavailable. (lots of 'nice' guys try this trick, with lots of bad results). since you have a 2 year relationship with your BF that you want to keep, I would drop this 'friend.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tictactoe2006 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 I agree with orangesoda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephla Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 Thank you all for posting. I agree with you,as it can be seen from my first post,that's what I thought I should do at the first place. Now I want to ask what do you think how should I do it? How to let this friend go? I'll definitely not just stop answering his calls,or his texts,that's just rude. Or is it? What about texting him,just saying to stop this,and how it's for the best? Or should we go out once more to talk and to explain it to him? I just hate the thought of hurting him,or anybody. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 If you want to give him the warning, sit him down and just say that currently you just don't think it's healthy for you to be friends with him as you can't trust it (the friendship). But straight out NC is usually the way I go (I wish I had men falling over me, but mostly they try the stealth date, and that's offensive to me, so they go) It means there's less room for passive-aggression and undermining. But just talking to him less would work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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