Friend needs some help, I am not sure how to help her.

[sns256]

I hope this is the right place for this, please move it if it isn’t.

 

A strange conversation occurred when a bunch of us were out last night. It was at the end of the night everyone was drunk to very drunk except for myself (I don’t drink). When my friend came up to us drunkily and said that she has been trying to break up with her boyfriend a couple of times, most recently three days ago. He is a common friend of ours, but personally I can’t stand him when he gets a couple of drinks in him. This didn’t surprise any of us because they are a horrible couple. I don’t think I have seen them get along for a year and a half, and them breaking up was inevitable.

 

Now here is were it gets weird. She said that he pretty much stalks her and at around 4-5am every time she tries to break up with him. He’ll bang on the windows to the point of nearly breaking them, and wake her and her sister up. She sounded very scared of him when he gets mad, and is the only reason she was out last night with us is to not anger him. At this point I asked if he had assaulted her before. She said no, but I am not sure if I believed her. I wouldn’t put it past him to be physical with her. He has spent a couple single nights in jail for being too abusive toward police officers in the past.

 

I have never had a relationship before so I have no experience to fall back on that would work in this situation. What I told her was to phone the police, and get a restraining order against him. She didn’t seem too receptive to this idea, and at this point he came back from the bathroom.

 

I am not sure what to do. Should I let her figure this out for herself? Was it the alcohol and she was just venting? I say this because she is a little bit messed up in the head herself. She once jokingly said that she was being raped over the phone to her boyfriend. She basically hates him, but he is aggressive, very clingy, and scares her.

 

She never specifically asked for help. I am not sure if she’ll figure this situation out herself, or if I need to step in. If I do, what should I do? It is a very weird and confusing situation for me, and I am not sure if I should get involved.

[abitbroken]

If he comes bangng on the windows, she needs to call the police. Also, maybe she needs to find a way to break it off and be gone for a few days. But then that leaves the sister in a bad situation. I think that if he has been abusive towards cops, he has been abusive physically to her or it is only a matter of time.

[SeanJuan]

That's a very uncool situation.

 

I agree that a call to the police is a good first step, and after they've chased him off once, and he comes back again, her next move should be a restraining order.

 

The guy sounds like bad news, and that needs to be taken seriously.

[sns256]

Thanks for the responses.

 

I guess I’ll tell her again to phone the police if it happens again. Maybe if it happens again I can get someone, who knows him better than I, to go and talk to him sober. She is a strong girl, and I am sure she has some people around her that can help better than I. I was just startled about the situation. I wasn’t sure how to react. Thanks.