Girlfriends going to movies with other guys- acceptable?

[Massimo]

I'm a very jealous guy...I have a lot of reson to be. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I know can get pretty much any guy she wanted. She's also cheated on me in the past.

 

I have a big problem with some of the "friends" she hangs out with. Most of the problem is- her exboyfriend (who she was sort of seeing when she was seeing me) is in that group, of mostly guys. I have a "insecurity", you might say- that she does things (or wants to do) with people that a girlfriend would usually do with her, comitted boyfriend.

 

Call me crazy- but it drives me nuts that she has a need to go to other guys houses' to hang out with that group of friends, a majority of the days she goes out. They do things like play cards, watch TV shows, and have parties- and in my eyes, sometimes these are things that boyfriend/girlfriends do.

 

She says she understands me, but understanding someone isn't any good unless you plan on working a compromise out with them to work that problem out...right? Am I wrong for being angry that she gets called by one of the other guys in the group almost daily? Am I wrong for being extremely offended that she wanted to go see a movie with them? (and not inviting me to come along) Are there any other people that have the same situations, and what would you do different?

[Michael2]

Lets see. THis girl has cheated on you. She is seeing you and her ex at the same time. hmm, something is wrong here!

 

There is nothing wrong with hanging out with guys. But if you girlfriend is doing the things you said ( cheating and what not) you really should reconsider your relationship.

[Massimo]

The whole cheating thing happened in the beginning (we've been together for almost a year). I only mentioned it, to show why I have the insecure feelings I do. I don't believe she's cheated on me with anyone else, though.

 

She claims that he's just a part of the group, and she doesn't want to lose her friends. I never told her I wanted her to NOT have friends, just do boyfriend/girlfriend things with me...not her "friends". Is that too much to ask?

[poonany]

The whole cheating thing happened in the beginning (we've been together for almost a year). I only mentioned it, to show why I have the insecure feelings I do. I don't believe she's cheated on me with anyone else, though.

 

She claims that he's just a part of the group, and she doesn't want to lose her friends. I never told her I wanted her to NOT have friends, just do boyfriend/girlfriend things with me...not her "friends". Is that too much to ask?

 

Not at all. I would have a problem with my GF hanging out with ONLY guys for a night. And my GF would feel the same if it was reversed. Why doesnt she include you? your HER friend just as much her BF.

with her EX being there that is not acceptable at all. Not to me it is.

 

good luck

[Massimo]

All great responses...thanks, I really appreciate the time.

 

my girl has left because she felt I was pulling her down and making her feel ostracised by her friends.

 

Ha. It's kinda the same thing with us.

 

Why doesnt she include you? your HER friend just as much her BF.

 

Well...all I ask for would be for her to just INVITE me...I just want to know she's thinking about me before she does it. But her thing is "you don't want hang out with my exboyfriend...yadda yadda...." The truth is, NO- I DON'T want to...but ya know what- if she asked me to go, or at least invited me, it would make me feel 100 times better. And I probably would make the effort to go, if I felt she wanted me to.

[Mango88]

If you two are exclusively seeing each other, it's very disrespectful on her part to go out of her way to hang with these guys. What the heck is she doing hanging with ex's and a bunch of other guys anyway? Does she have a self-esteem problem or does she just seek attention from any guy that will give it to her? I can't stand girls like that if this is the case.

 

First and foremost, if she knows it bothers you, she should stop doing all of that, because I know you'd do the same for her.

 

I don't really think it's a matter of trust as much as it is of respect. Respect is key, and she does not seem to be respecting you by doing this garbage. If she's seeing movies with other guys (especially ex's) you should be included in on that, but this shouldn't be happening in the first place. What person in his or her right mind would go out with an ex and expect the significant other to be okay with that?

 

Forget that,

 

Mango

[caliboy]

i started reading your post, and then i got to the part where you said she's cheated on you, and that's where i stopped reading. you're a chump for still being with this girl.

[Massimo]

i started reading your post, and then i got to the part where you said she's cheated on you, and that's where i stopped reading. you're a chump for still being with this girl.

 

It's clear YOU'VE never been in love.

 

 

Anyways- back to REAL opinions...Mango you're right. I need to set the story straight with her and my feelings. One way or another (this has been VERY hard) I have to get everything you said, through HER head.

[J_Rocc]

Think about this dude, how could you really love someone if they cheated on you. Come on man, if she loves you as much as you love her then don't you think she would put you (the person she loves) before her ex. And once again - she cheated on you before, which meant she didn't love you. This is one of the reasons for your insecurities am i right.

[Massimo]

Yeah you're totally right about that being an insecurity. 100%. But it happened in the very beginning and I loved her enough to look past 1 mistake. But that doesn't mean it doesn't lingure in the back of my mind.

[autumn]

You have spoiled her. She is not thinking about your feelings. You have shown her strong feeling of love and she is sitting secure in that.

 

I don't recommend for a minute that you stop loving her, or that you lessen that feeling of security. You are a man and that security you give her is part of your manhood. She should appreciate it and not abuse it.

 

The last thing you want to do is tell her, because, trust me - she will play you to the bone. Yes she will. She knows too well how much you are in love with her and she feels "no-how" about doing what she wants.

 

Women love that sense of security, and it's great that you can give that to her. She can go and do things without worrying about mistrust, etc. And that's all good. However, it is still true that she is not thinking about how you feel. She has not put herself in your shoes.

 

My suggestion: Put her in your shoes. Make dates with people, friends, whatever you enjoy doing. It doesn't have to be other women. But feel free to go to bars and places where women abound. Then, if she ever brings that up, don't you DARE ever tell her that she is doing the same thing. Simply, use the same reasoning. Explain to her that you simply want to go out and have fun, etc. with your friends. And let her know that she's invited, if she wants to join the fun.

 

Hey, on top of the security you've given her, you will also show her a strong sense of confidence. How about that to top off your manhood!!

[Massimo]

Awesome! Thanks guys...(most of) you have given me some really good opinions. I'm going to try a little different approach with her, because I REALLY don't want to lose her. She's way to important to me.

 

I'll keep the thread updated if anything changes.

[caliboy]

"It's clear YOU'VE never been in love.

 

 

Anyways- back to REAL opinions...Mango you're right. I need to set the story straight with her and my feelings. One way or another (this has been VERY hard) I have to get everything you said, through HER head."

 

You didn't make this part clear, but I'm assuming you two were a couple when she cheated on you. So....

 

1) She's cheated on you before, why won't she do it again?

2) She's cheated on you, so she doesn't respect you or herself.

3) Cheating = Dishonesty and Lying.

4) She's cheated and that's going to stay in the back of your mind. It's going to make you insecure and you'll constantly wonder if she's being honest to you about things from now on. You two will fight and argue about things because of this, it's going to slowly build up resentment and you two will eventually break up. You can't live like that and a LOVING relationship isn't like that. She still hangs out with this guy (her ex was it?) she cheated on you with. I've got the impression that she runs things in the relationship for the most part. I personally could never stay with a girl who's cheated on me. If a girl ever cheated on me (not to mention continued to hang out with this guy), then she obviously doesn't love me and I thereforeeee couldn't love her.

[J_Rocc]

what Caliboy said is correct. She cheated on you, don't put yourself through this.