learn experience - Dont Blow First Meeting! - Morrigan?

[rich_1517]

two and half weeks into a break off/up. She had left completely than changed it to i need time - two months to decide. She started calling - a lot.

 

I used no contact rules. even though it was killing me. i kept it light and fun no pressure. zero.

 

she wants to get together over something simple, helping get some things from her moms (completely unecessary). supposed to be a short trip maybe half an hour. She hangs out. wants to go for a walk, holds my hand, puts her arm in mine, we are having a great time. i go to pick something up and she starts rubbing my back.

 

ok so i stay focused and lets go pick the stuff up while its still light. after shes want to get dinner, she'll treat. the half hour is now almost four hours.

 

so for someone who wants to move on or have space this is weird right, signals right. WRONG.

 

Do not give your power away, I let dinner go on and made the mistake of asking her what was up. dinner had been going fine and we were having a good time. I ended up restating my case for being together, she told me she was still deciding.

 

I should have left it there, instead i did raise a fuss (mild) about sending mixed signals. BAD MOVE - of course shes sending mixed signals. the date ended a little early with her feeling guilty, i was sad, kissed her goodnight and feel i have completely blown it.

 

She did tell me things i needed to hear about why the break for her, but she is still glued to the two months thing. She also said kissing right now is not a good idea.

 

Bottom line - i got good information but lost my power, I gave it away by showing my feelings and telling her we should try to make it work before its too late.

 

So a word to the trying to get wise: dont throw out your power too soon as i did, let them tell you. shes clearly confused and doesnt know boundaries. I did learn that my financial difficulties of the last two years are a part of her decision. so thats good but painful, i needed to address this stuff anyway. now i feel i have pushed her away

 

Let them miss you. dont misread signals and think its an opportunity. they have to actually SAY something dont read into it. DONT take the fact that they want to go to dinner or touch you as a sign that they want to get back together.

 

I should have played by the fact that i can only control me and not pushed for more clarity, becuase there is none. And its not going to happen on my time its on hers. Of course i want it to work out and im scared and i see the reasons. DONT lose control, let them fall into you without throwing it away. Now i have to go back to "no contact" again for me, but she can call i can't even though she has asked me to. and i am in pain. I am scared that i have made her strong against me and shown that lack of clarity hurts me. this is hard. My gut has been telling me shes done because she sends no positive signals, true/untrue? cant tell from her behaviour, but she is strong. Her ex husband is now helping out with things that i was going to do for her.

 

Do i send an email saying calling is fine, hangin out is fine, dont feel bad i just had a bad night? or "no contact again period?

 

so learn from my experience - any advice for me?

[The Morrigan]

Ok, you messed up a bit - but not irrecoverable I'd think.

 

I would apologize for pressing her - and say (email) something like "I'm sorry, I didn't respect what you'd asked for, and that was wrong of me, I know you're a bright lady and know what you're doing and why, and I shouldn't have questioned your judgement like that. I'll let you decide when you're ready to get in touch with me, and hope I didn't make you feel too badly, this was my mistake, not yours. Take care" etc.

 

Then let her think on it and leave her to make her own call. There's a strength of character that comes from admitting when you made a mistake and apologizing for it with dignity, particularly if this was ever an issue before. And it shows faith in her judgement.

 

You were obviously doing something right for her to have extended the evening the way she did, so take heart from that and go back to what you were doing - and let her come to you when she feels ready.