Hannah13 Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Its been about 3 months since my ex and i split. he broke it off, said he needed to be alone and he didnt want me. Long story short, we saw each other a few times after, i went NC twice and he broke it both times. This recent time, he was singing a different tune if you will. He told me that he missed me. first time since the break up, and i was surprised, but later that night he stopped texting til 2 days later...i later found out that he ended up having sex with a girl, and he doesnt even know her last name. It was a one night stand but she still contacts him. Now, this is where the problem is. Im not sure if i can be ok with him having sex with this girl. Sex was and has been a VERY big deal to me. I feel that it is the most intimate thing to do with someone, and i feel it should be with someone you love. He ALWAYS had the same view as me, which is why im baffled as to why he'd do this. I was his first, and he was mine as well. Im not sure how to react to this now, it makes me sick to think of what he did. Now, i know we were not together and i get that very well. Im not really even mad...just dissappointeed? Im not sure how to explain it. And im not sure if i want to be with a guy who can just have one night stands... He wants to get back together, BAD! i mean hes pulling out all the stops. delivering roses, promising me things etc. I always thought that if he came back id want him again, but after what i found out, i feel sick to my stomach when i think about him. He feels horrible bout it, it seems genuine, but it doesnt change it. Am i wrong for feeling like this? Any advice from anyone?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffles Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 No you're not wrong at all, you feel how you feel and you need to honor those feelings. Give yourself time. If he really wants you back, he'll wait. How did you find out about his one night stand and about how she still contacts him? Did he tell you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Yes, he told me. He said it was the biggest mistake of his life. Hes kind of a mess about it, if indeed hes not acting. Im not sure what to do from here. I love him, but im not sure i could get past that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruffles Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I'm glad he told you. Give yourself time, that's the only way to tell if you can get over it. You don't have to make any kind of all or nothing decision right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Some people react to break ups by rebounding with someone else...in his case the rebound was a one night stand rather than a full-fledged relationship. Neither of you can change what he did but if he truly feel remorse and it was his wake-up call, then perhaps he is worth another chance. People can be disappointing but if they learn from their mistakes then is it worth throwing away what can be really great for a mistake that is now deeply regretted by him? I am not saying that what he did was trivial...certainly it hurts like hell when someone you love sleeps with someone else, even if you were not together at the time...but that event is now ancient history and it was simply empty sex in order to make him forget. Don't dwell on the act itself or how he disappointed you...think about the other parts of the relationship and if you feel that there is so much more to build on. It will take time to get over this, but it is possible to get through it and have an even stronger relationship than before...if you are both willing to put in the work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 maybe the problem for me is that it was only last week that this happened. Ill give myself time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifregister Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 "Now, this is where the problem is. Im not sure if i can be ok with him having sex with this girl." You are NOT ok with him sleeping with someone else, even if it was just a one night stand. Be honest with yourself. Very few of us can truly forgive and forget once we've been betrayed. Even if you decide to forgive now, it will haunt you down the line. It WILL be brought up later if you decide to reconcile. What's done has been done. I think you'd be better off dealing with the pain of break up and truly moving on. Start with a clean slate with someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Well, i feel even more betrayed now. Last night the ex told me he actually KNEW the girl he slept with, and so did i. She is a girl i work with, who used to work with him at a restaraunt. Im in shock that he lied, but i understand why. I really should have known, or not been surprised, she has liked him for quite some time, which goes back to them working together. She has tried to become very 'buddy buddy' with me lately, and even though he and i arnt together, i still feel betrayed and hurt and angry. I dont want to sound mean, but i KNOW i am better looking/better personality all around than this girl, which makes it worse!..all she does is b*tch and smoke and drink...and people have said that he must have been drunk for sleeping with her. She's really very nasty. Im so confused, i really want to be with him, but this one incident is hindering that. I feel weird about it, and for that reason i cant be with him, just because he slept with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 do you guys think i should not get back with him because of that? or is it a stupid reason? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Well. There are a couple ways to go about this. You DID break up. So technically, you both were free to see who you wanted it. You can't really classify it as him cheating on you. But I still understand why you would feel weird or upset by this. I would give it a little time and see how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinydancer08 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I was just reading your posts, and after hearing that it is someone who may be around him often... I would say no. You will never trust him around her again... trust me... and it will eat you alive wondering if she is around and if she is going to take advantage of him or if he is going to be stupid if he gets drunk again... The only way I would get back together with him is if he never sees her again with no chance of a friend being friends with her that will bring her around while you are not there... good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah13 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 I was just reading your posts, and after hearing that it is someone who may be around him often... I would say no. You will never trust him around her again... trust me... and it will eat you alive wondering if she is around and if she is going to take advantage of him or if he is going to be stupid if he gets drunk again... The only way I would get back together with him is if he never sees her again with no chance of a friend being friends with her that will bring her around while you are not there... good luck! Only i work with her, he has not taken her calls or texts in a week. He has o interest in being around her, and he told a friend of hers that he thinks shes disgusting and t was a HUGE mistake(i only know because the friend told a guy friend of mine, he told me) so i dont think she would be a problem now. Its just the prinicple of the thing i guess...im not sure. i might give him a chance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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