Anon333 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Hi...Just wondering...I am dating a guy who I think it is obvious we are both into eachother....We hang out almost every other day and talk every day briefly..It is the beginning stages of dating..since halloween...So we havent really had any serious talks....We just both have made it obvious in our own ways that we cant wait to hang out with eachother next..I was hanging out with his friend before I started hanging out with him...So in the very beginning we mentioned we'd keep things on the downlow for awhile...So not to hurt his friend or have any rumers spreading..so so far, we have only hung out in private and went to a bar where no one else was.... My question is that, ther have been a couple times when he seems to hide that he was going to a show with friends or didnt mention he was playing a show a particular night (he's in a band)...The first night I met him we were around people and it was nice to be with him and out having fun with other people around...I like our private time together, but I get suspicious that he doesnt want to go out in public with me or something. To me that is one of the fun parts of dating someone in a band...watching their shows and going to other shows with them....But he seems to have thinsg lined up with him and his friends, and just mentions them to me as days he is not free to hang out....It bums me out... Is this too clingy and needy for me to be wanting to go out with him and his friends this early on in a relationship, or do I have merit to feel this way? His friend I was hanging out with in the beginning, brought me out everywhere and it was almost more fun socializing and going out with him and then hanging out later on..Maybe he really is just trying to hide that we are hanging out so the word doesnt get round to his friend? Link to comment
Bad Wolf Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Could be seeing someone else... Dont know why else someone would hide you away from the world. Link to comment
hk87 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Talk to him about it, explain how you feel. Tell him what you want from him and vice versa. I know my bf and I kept things really quiet at the start, but that was to keep it from people at work so they wouldn't tease us and we weren't sure if it was going to work out and because it was nice being our little secret! It wasn't because either of us was ashamed though! Everyone has found out now and are really happy for us! Hk87 Link to comment
caro33 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 What does you 'hanging out' with his friend actually mean? Did you date for a while, be intimate with one another? How long for, and how much of a friendship do the who guys have? If you were serious with the other guy - and particularly if he was serious about you - and this new guy is a great friend, I can see why he would be uncomfortable. Perhaps he is just avoiding potential conflict and keeps finding it easier to avoid than address. It has really only been a little while, hasn't it - I mean we are talking about less than two weeks. But if their friendship is not that big a deal, and/or you did not really have much on with the first guy, then it sounds like Band Guy might have another issue, and possibly one that does not spell good things for you. Maybe there is another girl in the picture, or maybe he's not sure about you. Or perhaps it's more benign: maybe he's very careful about relationships and he wants to take it slowly with you. Lots of people are pretty careful with who they introduce to their friends and who they introduce into their world. You are not going to know unless you ask him. You might even lead with asking if that first guy had feelings for you, or whatever you need to ask to scope out if the first guy is even the issue. I would not push this if you don't have to though - it really hasn't been that long. If it goes another couple of weeks and you guys are serious by then, then maybe ask a bit more... Link to comment
Anon333 Posted November 14, 2008 Author Share Posted November 14, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Im kinda nervous about the responses though. I thought I might be a little crazy that it was bothering me...But now Im thinking maybe Im not.....As for his friend...They are friends, but never really hang out...But their group of friends are all pretty much the same, so he might feel weird if his friends saw me....His friend that I was initially hanging out with did have feelings for me. We hung out for about a week and did kiss a couple times, until I told him I just want to be friends...I work with him as well, so I really dont want any hard feelings or awkward moments. It is early on in our relationship, but he acts like he really likes me and wants to spend all his free time with me, that is unless he plans to go to a show or out where friends might be around. I guess it is safe to keep things secret this early on anyway, but I do feel like I am missiing out on some of the fun parts of the beginning stages of dating. Like tonight, we havent seen eachother in a few days and were saying how we wish we could hang out soon, and he mentioned he is going to some show in town so we cant hang out tonight....That bothers me.... Link to comment
caro33 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 How are things going now Anon? Link to comment
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